Hi Ann,
I've gotten "price opinions" from a few local realtors, not formal appraisals. (Perhaps I should, but I'm afraid a formal appraisal might favor him--but it may be necessary to make the court happy, if we have to go that far).
I may have to compromise more than I want to. All I'm worried about is compromising more than I CAN, so I'm getting guidance. An accounting-savvy friend is helping me do a financial forecast so I can easily see what I can afford. It may come down to whether I'll have to have housemates for the rest of my life in order to keep my home. Right now, it's not bothering me, I kind of enjoy them, but it could get old. I have a friend who does that...rents out part of her home, and she finds it a very satisfying solution.
It's looking as though what I'd have to pay monthly to stay would be about the same as what I'd pay for a decent apartment, nothing fancy, but not bleak--say a modest 2 BR. So, since I have a strong attachment to the place and a child I'd like to leave it to (or the value of it to) one day, I think it's a battle worth fighting, at least now.
If I should leave the place, I'd rather do it on my own terms.
But I figure, it doesn't matter if we call it "repaying her $20K she spent on her mother's care, etc." or him getting approximately that much less. So if to make him feel he's won a point I let go of my claims, that's fine (but only if the price to me comes down very close to the same amount).
I have a feeling whatever will allow him to save face, in some way, would help.
And I have no intention whatsoever of communicating with him directly. I have no trust at all in him and never will. He has destroyed any possibility of a future sibling relationship, and after (oddly) some low-level grief for a while, all I feel about it now is clarity and relief. He's pretty monstrous, and dishonest to the core.
M02, thanks for the vision, I hope it comes true too!
Thanks everyone, this is so very helpful,
Hops
