The foundation of all mental illness is the avoidance of legitimate suffering?--Carl Jung
and--
Letting go is the measure of ability, survivability, adaptability and flexability (He might have said adaptivity-----? but I changed it)
Izzy,
Wow! That amazes me, all I can say about the first quote is, Carl Jung is right on! Those that reach so far outside of themselves do not become aware of what is going on inside of them, well that is my take on it. The one thing I can say is that, the truth inside of me that told me from the gut that these people, like my MOM, Daughter, Son In Law, Ex Husband, Mother In Law, Best Friends all deceived and all we corrupt. But, that a little voice inside told me not to listen to me, that it is me who is the crazy one. The Crazy in me, was all that...I did NOT want to be right, so I game the N's in my life chance after chance to prove myself wrong, after all it must have been me. By doing so I cause myself to mentally ill, personified by the "victim me" or "scapegoat" for a very long time. I know that this sounds like in my head, but I have connected my heart and head to this, idea. To sum it up, I abandoned me, to search for acceptance, love through other people, people I wanted to trust cause they were all I had, but they were outside of me. In order to do it, by virtue of fitting in somewhere, or belonging I didn't listen to my gut, it was all outside of me. Does this make sense at all? My mentality kept me in the dark, but my feeling center was telling me that these people were wrong for me, and I did not Listen. So today, the reality is my coming to terms with what I felt all along, these people were dangerous, toxic and in some weird way my lead me to open my eyes and heart what was inside and feel the whole painful truth.
The next quote;
Letting go is the measure of ability, survivability, adaptability and [flexability] (He might have said adaptivity-----? but I changed it)
Yes, is all this pain, guilt and denial of self worth it? LOL, it kind of reminds me of that old saying, " I know it hurts dear, but it is good for you in end." Well it is true. Only can we let go if we go inside of our self and recognize what part of it that is ours. I am not speaking professionally as a counselor, this is what I am learning in the past few weeks of my life, my experience. I had to get hit, over and over again in a short time kinda like a warrior getting hit by arrows, and he is dodging them, some pierce his skin, the flesh is oozing with blood in different places, head to toe. That is me, I have the ability to survive this war against me, but first I need to become my own defense! Truly, that is all I got, but did I? How could I defend myself? It was through, that one single moment as a child that said to herself, I Love...Life, I want to live! It was that dream, I abandoned myself, my gut, my instinct and it cost me. And so I adapted, by alienating me, telling myself I deserved every minute of that destruction, I was worthless, the more I learned the more I turned it against me, I kept not listening to my inner voice, I DID NOT LET GO. I assume a false exterior, like a chameleon? But I felt all the pain, like a sponge I absorbed it all, all the while believing that these people knew best, it was for my own good. Today, from my heart to head, we reunite and I have my eyes opened finally. Now I think I can truly heal, I will not be ashamed of way of doing things, I will listen to my gut, I will not fear the pain, I will listen to my abilities, I will survive this, I will adapt to my new way of thinking, and if I stumble or fall along the way, I will go inside and find what I missed, there is no shame in that, I am WORTH it!
Good words, now I have to challenge myself to listen to them. The bottom line, should read...to be KIND to yourself always, like the little girl in me...Do it with all the Love in your heart. It is the struggle that made me see, it is the pain that watered down my eyes, and cleared the haze so that I had a clean windshield and then I could see clearly again. I went on and on, this is a refreshing change, to put this question to me. It is a good way to heal and share. I am taking a risk, so be gentle with me.
Farfaraway and Thank YOU
