My father called today. I let my husband answer the phone because I just couldn’t deal with it. Hubby also thought it best that HE be the one to confront F, since F is very old-school and very sexist, takes things more seriously when they come from a man.
Well, it went pretty much as expected. Hubby said it was the most frustrating phone call of his life. Every time he tried to bring up the subject of the will, F went into his “Rain Main” mode and started blabbering about buying peaches at the fruit market. H had to keep saying, “listen to me,” to try to get him to stop stammering, but F just kept talking nonsense and going full avoidance on the issue. After a whole lot of dancing around it, my father finally said that I was taken out of the will because I had hurt my NM, and that M had insisted, and that he “had no say in it.” He also said that there wasn’t much money left, so why did I care? H tried to explain that it wasn’t about the money, it was about my parents not loving me, which resulted in more blabbering.
We never did get much of an answer regarding the Emmy, other than “What’s the big deal, I gave it to my SON.”
The one thing hubby said over and over was that he couldn’t get past my father’s complete lack of empathy over having hurt me so badly. H told him that I was having heart palpitations, and F said, “Sorry she’s not feeling well, but, oh well.” Hubby got so frustrated going around in circles with him that he finally hung up on him. I’ve been dealing with F’s “bla bla bla bla I can’t hear you” routine for years, but this was the first time H had to deal with it, and he sat there afterwards, completely bewildered by the whole experience. He was REALLY upset/angry that my father had done these horrible, hurtful things to me, and had a total “who cares” attitude.
Okay, after some 40 years of making excuses for this man, it has to stop. Maybe I’ll change my mind years from now (if he’s still around), but right now I’m just done with this entire effed-up dysfunctional family.
Not only am I done with F, but I NEVER want to see my worthless brother again, the golden child who grew up to be a selfish piece of crap. He treats his sisters like garbage, looks down his nose at us, while holding out his hands expecting gifts.
I don’t know how to feel about my sister. She’s never done anything to hurt me, but she’s SO brainwashed by my mother that I can’t say anything to her without her reporting back to them. I can’t trust her at all. Example of how codependent she is (and how controlling M is). My NM, in another effort at control, does not want her house sold when she dies, because she can’t stand the thought of Mexicans or Blacks or some “undesirables” living in her house. So according to this new will they’ve had drawn, S gets the house, but is required to live in it, and sell her own house. S is totally cool with this because “Mom wants me to.” Unreal. (And for the record, both homes are of equal value, so there's no monetary gain for her).
I’m just devastated right now. Been crying all day and my head is pounding. Like Ami said in an earlier post about her own dad, I always made excuses for him and held onto this fantasy that ONE of my parents loved me. It’s not easy finally getting punched in the gut at age 49 and realizing that I was wrong. It more than hurts. I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck.
Kathy
