Hi Ami,
I'm glad that I can be here for you. Shame and anger go together, at least that is my experience. Our needs as child were wound up in shame; we, our thoughts and hearts, took on years of negative messages about ourselves/needs that buried us in the shame of being human and having needs. Under the anger is shame and under the shame is more anger, at least for me, I have been finding and digging up so much pain, loss, shame and just pure suffering that I sometimes feel that it will never change. The only action that ever allows for change is not the world around me but just allowing the suffering in my own heart...it is just so hard and that is why so few people take the journey down into the heart.
Your taking that journey...it is hard.
When I talk about that someone who told me to lighten-up, they had my best interest at heart. They also might have been feeling hurt or bothered by my recent depth of acting out and pain, understandable. I try to stay open to seeing things from other people's perspective, it saves me from falling into so much pain. But it is HARD to so and when we are already in our wound we are just more vulnerable.
Just like a year ago when someone told me to be gentle to myself and it was a traumatic experience; there were many many factors going on at that time that that person did not know about and could not comprehend, not their fault, they were just trying to be helpful with my best interest at heart, again. Your aunt and you have a close relationship, unless something has changed since I have been on the board?
Anyway, I am not going to invalidate your reality of shame around what she said and how much it hurt you.
