New to Board .... saying hello.

[newfoundchildhood]

Hi everyone. Some of you may know me from another board. I was given the name of this board and thought I would check it out. I like it a lot. Dr. Grossman seems very caring and compassionate.  I am the adult daughter of a narcisstic mother. My father has passed away but was an alcoholic. Between both diseases, I grew up in non stop drama and contant fear. I started having panic attacks when I was 16 but my family thought I was making it up and trying to get attention ... so I never knew they even had a name. I conditioned myself to panic and so here I am, all these years later and even though it gets better at times, whenever I have a lot of stress in my life, the panic attacks return. I also have MS and even though I "look" fine, I fight fatigue on a daily basis. Stress makes the MS worse and I have attacks when I'm under a great deal of stress. THANK GOD the medicine seems to be helping with the attacks. The reason I'm on this board is to try and reduce some of the stress in my life. My main stress right now comes from my very own mother. She is getting worse as she gets older and she is becoming more and more cruel in what she says and does. We are literally no contact right now and it feels wonderful, but it never lasts. She'll contact me again and when she does, I hope to have a board I can go to for support. I just wanted to introduce myself.

[lighter]

Welcome NFC:

You've found a wonderful board, with many wise members offering support.

Im wondering.... if no contact with your mother brings you peace....

can you be the one in charge of no contact when she calls again?

NC can last, if you enforce it?

Hmmm....

NFC could be short for a new mantra.

Mo2

[WearyofHer]

Hi Newfound!  Glad to see you here as well!  I just joined a couple of days ago myself.

[Sealynx]

Hi Newfoundchild,
Good to see you again. As motherof2 says, this is a great board with lots of wise people willing to share.
s

[Hopalong]

Hi Newfoundchild or NFC who may practive NFC (No Further Contact)...

Welcome. So glad you're here and I'm very sorry you have to live with MS.

That is so unfair. But good for you for getting Rx for the anxiety attacks.

I used to have regular, disabling, full-tilt-gasoline-on-a-bonfire panic attacks...multiple trips to the ER with chest pain, even...

Haven't had one of those in YEARS.

Maybe just plain getting older helped. I think the brain changes.

Glad to meet you,

Hops

[BonesMS]

Hi, (((((((((((((((((((((((((NewFoundChildhood)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Glad to see you here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   

Bones

[Ami]

Hi ((NFC)))
 The NM is very cruel. There is little safety for the child and tremendous stress trying to maintain your sanity, then and now. I finally went NC 7 months ago.
 Vaknin says 'Why have empathy for the N? They have little for you."
  They will steal and destroy endlessly.We are vulnerable. We hurt. We get wounded. They just keep sticking in the knife until we are eviserated.       Ami

[newfoundchildhood]

Thanks everyone. And yes, I would LOVE to remain NC with my mother. It feel great! The problem is I have a 10 year old son that she uses as leverage. She writes to him constantly and tries to make him think I'm standing between them. She will say things like "If only your mother would let you, I would love to take you shopping for your favorite toys".  Last month, I did send her a note in the regular mail saying that until she was able to write letters NOT intended to manipulate, she was not welcome to write us.  I've not heard from her so that is a GOOD sign. Right now, I'm having big problems with panic attacks again and I did a saliva test to check for "hormonal imbalance" and I'm VERY estrogen dominant. The doctor gave me some Progesterone but it doesn't seem to be helping yet. I see her later this month, maybe she will increase the dose.

[JustKathy]

Hi Newfound,

N's will always try to get to you through your own children, which is so cruel to the child, who has no idea that they are being used. In my case, I have no children, so my N mother (I'm also NC) has tried sending letters to my husband in an attempt to turn HIM against me. In these letters she kisses up to him, tells him he's the perfect SIL, then goes on to say that she feels sorry for him for being stuck with me, that she prays I don't hurt him the way I hurt her, etc. It's SICK.

I know this would be a very difficult thing to do, but is there any way to pre-screen the letters that she sends to your son? If any of them contain manipulations, maybe you could keep the letters from him. I know that's easier said than done, because children SO look forward to letters from their grandparents. But at this point, I would try to protect your relationship with your son, and to heck with M.

As for going no-contact, Ns don't ever surrender to it. They might for a while, but will try again. They refuse to be ignored, and will fight back. It's not been easy for me, because M has found other ways to get to me . . . mostly snail mail and email, and using my father as a tool to guilt me. Just be prepared with the knowledge that she'll never give up. Ns will never allow themselves to lose control. Just when you think things are going well, she'll be back.

Wishing you all the best with this. Do whatever you have to do to protect your son from being used as a pawn in her screwed up game. It's reprehensible for someone to use a child as leverage, but they do.