Do You Think The Board is Like A Real Life Group?

[Meh]

I've been in one depression related group and then other "circles" that were not "therapy" but felt like therapy.

I personally experience real life and cyber space differently.
Since I'm anonymous I can talk about my shame, embarrassment, humiliation, and self-rejection feelings.
In the real world I have always tried to hide these feelings like my life depends on it.
I would never talk about that in a therapy group.
I stay more numb in therapy because of the social pressure of maintaining the norm.
The norm is stay numb.

I think there are additional differences.

[polymath]

By asking the question you probably know the answer. I think most of our problems stem from the ability to hide behind communication technology in the name of convenience. In the 'good ol days' people couldn't hide behind telephones and email. All of a person was brought to the transaction. Body language and facial expression and thinking on your feet are so much a part of the equation. Distraction is an epidemic in our society primarily because we can hide the real us behind things.

With a telephone all I get is words and tone of voice, not seeing whats going on in the other persons world. With email and message boards, we get time to think about responses. WHile its good to think before speaking, face to face talking doesn't allow for too much.

Just my 2 cents.

[Ami]

Yes Polymath
 I think that the Board allows  time to think. That is what makes it good to learn lessons which would be harder to learn in 3D. I guess people are the same in both settings.
  One  of my distortions was that there were  perfect people and flawed people--black and white. *I* was flawed b/c I could not be perfect. I had to hide the flawed part so I could look the one of the perfect ones.
 This distortion in itself was enough for untold misery.
 I am coming out of these distortions slowly but I am.
 Last night the 3D group was hard for me. I will write about it later.                              Ami

[Meh]

Hi, Ami,

Your distortion of being "more flawed" then other people is a great insight.

You know, people point out another person's flaws to distract from the fact that they themselves are imperfect!

[Ami]

Thanks Helen.
 Lately, I have felt so loved and accepted by my friend that I feel free  to look at myself. I was frozen   before. I could not look inside b/c I thought I was "bad" . I could not  to be vulnerable  b/c  I could not risk dissaproval. Now that I have a place where I can go broken, I have the strength to try  and to  fail. I am learning about life as I didn't as a child.
This is what good parents should do.
 Good parents provide a refuge from the storm and help you develop resources by being there when you fall .
 An NM does the opposite. They humiliate and decimate you when you are not "perfect" for THEM.
 It is very hard to grow and mature when your "guidance" in life is an NM.
           XXOOO   Ami

[Lupita]

Hops, I have un idea of who you are. I am probably wrong. I asked you once and you did not want to answer. So, I imagine you with red lipstick, short heai. tall, very very white, almosrt transparent, a little overweight, black eyebrows and black hair.  Dark brown eyes.

[Lupita]

Although we are real people I do not think this is real life because in real life we have to face eachother weather we llike it or not. Here, we do not have to face each other. We can say whatever we want and nobody can give us a look.  Nobody can roll his or her eyes, or twist her lips, etc.

My two cents.

I love on line communication, more tha in person.

[Hopalong]

Lup, you goof.

I'm going to PM you a picture and you can tell the board what I look like.

I volunteer to do the same, would love to see my gorgeous PR salsa dancin' friend!

hugs,
Hops

[Izzy_*now*]

Ami

I hear nothing of your husbnd and son so did you leave them, or they you? Not sure. Seems I have missed something when away from the board, twice when in hospital... so I'm not sure how you are being guided.

Your friend is the guy you met online here? All is well? Do you live alone in peace to contemplate, as you are being prolific with your threads with your new ideas! Just don't grasp at straws, or take another's opinion too quickly, as it should all come from what YOU believe is best for YOU! after all these years!

Any contact with NM or NF??

regards
Izzy

[Ami]

Dear (((Izzy)))
  Don't want to write specifics  now. Have been NC with parents for 6 months. Thank you for noticing a change. I feel any changes are from  the pity God  took on me.
 I am so sorry you went through your accident.
 I  hope the pain is a thing of the past very,very soon.     XXXXOOOO  Ami     

[HeartofPilgrimage]

In some ways I think this type of communicating is better than 3D. I have a friend who's son is Asperger's --- and she turned me on to IMing my child that has a nonverbal communication problem. In distance communication like this, you get down to the meanings, instead of getting hung up on facial expressions etc.

Obviously we all have a really big need for face to face interaction, and we have to learn to cope with that.  But boy does a place like this forum take the pressure off ... we are coping with so much already. And hopefully we take the meanings we gain on this board into the 3D world.

[Ami]

Dear Heart,
   I think the Board can help you learn life lessons .
 I have learned so many lessons that I may have been too shut down to learn in 3D.
 I have made real friends here. Many I have talked to on the phone. One I have met.
 One I talk to  every day or close to it.
  I think the Board can be a wonderful part of life.
  I am ready to take the lessons out in to 3D  more and  prove to myself that I CAN navigate 3D life . It is hard  but the Board can get  hard,too.
  I want to know that I have the tools to walk through life.
           Ami

 

[rugrats5]

I feel that the message boards are like a group. There are topics thrown out there and poeple respond and you take what you need and leave the rest behind. I also give my thoughts and ideas, which is scary, just like in the group, I attend, because you never know how someone will repond to what you said. I have a hard time with people believing me and trusting people. You also can make friends online just like you can make friends in a group setting. You just have to risk it.

[JudyK]

Dear Ami,
  Never had group therapy, or support (3D, that is) but have been in therapy for several years with a psychologist.  I really have a need, tho, to talk to other people who have gone thru the experience of having an N in their lives. The last board I was on probably saved my life, but it has run into some problems and has been shut down, to restructure.  I was fortunate to find this forum.  And it appears the people here, are just as validating and supportive.     Judy

[Gabben]

It is hard for me to say is the board is like a 3d group or not, I feel more free in my self expression than I would in a 3d group as well as we are free to write and post as much as possible where as in a 3d group there is a sense of structure that the board lacks.

The board works for me as a sort of journal experience, to write out my inner thoughts to help me see what is going on in me, to give me that visual of hurt so that I can find the grief and clarity, I grow from seeing or writing out my pain and my own Nish stuff.

The help that others give me is precious to me as well as I need the board to help me get out of myself, from time to time, to read about others struggles to see if I cannot give my heart, prayers or wisdom learned through my pain to others.

Today, when I awoke, reading your comments to me on my recent thread was like the wind of blessing that I needed to help pull me out of my sad slump of hopelessness. The understanding and clarity of others really helps me.