I was asked a question by a group member a while ago. I answered fairly quickly, but its kind of stuck in my mind.....I think I answered in haste and incorrectly! The question was something like 'Have you been able to successfully enter into a meaningful relationship having come out of one with a Narcissist?' I anwered 'Yes of course and I'm well past that relationship anyway!' Truth is, I'm not! I thought I was, but actually it still affects me even today!
Do I think that I'll settle down with a girl again.....probably not! Why.....because I know too much! I know that this is going to sound very conceited....but I do! But it's all of the wrong stuff! You see, the more I learned about what really was going on in that relationship after it was all over, the more I grew to understand how pointless it all was! So much so, I really don't think that there's much point in a close relationship. It's got to the point that I avoid them like the plague!
All of that manipulation and power struggle thingy that goes on in one, well it's just about enough to drive you crazy in the first place! I look at a girl, I smile, I laugh, I nod and of course we exchange lovely words together....but more often than not, I can't wait to relax on my own and in my own space! That dependent need to be in a relationship with a member of the opposite sex has been completely removed.....save for fun, companionship and of course, sex! I am only able to keep things very light in a relationship, nothing else!
Of course the relationship with my ex N has had a major influence upon this behaviour. Sure it bent my head so to speak! But it was only after this relationship, only after what I'd been through, that I started to even question why the hell I'd put up with it in the first place! And that's when I came up with the conclussion that had been staring me in the face all along! I was trying to make something work that was broken! And if it's broken....go buy another, forget fixing it!
So everytime that I find myself talking with a girl.....I'm really interviewing her for christs sake!!! What's been her relationship history....why did that relationship end...etc! I've really performed the interview down to an art form! She has absolutely no idea that I'm really logging everything down that she says! I'm not interested about how many times she's had sex or even anything like that. I'm justing seeing learning about how selfish or demanding she could be in a relationship!
So it's now got to the point that I've all but given up! I'm in my forties and date women around my age. So for starters we've both got 'history' and tons of material to focus on! The stuff I've learned through Narcissism and how I use this quitely in the background everytime, it amaze's me at how easy I can open some one right up! The things girls come out with without realising what they've just said is mind blowing!
The other thing that I've learned about myself is actually to remove sex from the equation! Most men are 'Dick' lead...I'm sure you'll agree

! I learned to understand just how stupidly this can make us miss the obvious! We blokes are sooooooooooo thick around this subject, christ we need putting down! For the sake of a bonk.....so many of us, including me

, will get ourselves into sooooooo much trouble!
So not only can I spot an Narcissist at 10 paces, I can also think without my cock getting in the way of things! So now I can have an intelligent conversation with a girl without focusing upon her chest every 5 seconds! This has actually lead to situations when the girl that I'm talking with actually gets really pissed about the fact that I'm not gorping at her incredibly large cleavage that she thrusting into my face

!
At the end of a dinner or whatever, I'm very happy to go home on my own and I'm not trying to get the said girlie into my bed! What I have found it that I know too much! And in doing so, I stictly stay 'on the surface' and will never be capable again of diving into the depths of a relationship! I have a number of 'close' girlfriends.....but never again will I ever enter into the possibility of anything like I once found myself in!
To that end, I rather enjoy life these days......it's soooooo much easier!
Onyx
