i feel sick!

[seasons]

Email from N sister. OUCH.

Thank you soooo much!  (in subject of email)

Hi seasons,

Thank you so much for the tape and waist band. How did you remember I wanted one.  You're a doll !

You look fabulous !!  Really makes you look 25 yrs old !

Had a ball last night. N-sister had siblings over for a poker game. We ended up playing a dice game.

You should of heard Michael in bed last night...He said" I feel like there was two Trish's in the house...you and seasons are so much alike its unbelievable...your laughs,mannerisms, the way you make a look when talking...your expressions..you would think you were twins (except for the age difference !)When seasons was worried what Kim thought ;he said I would do the same thing... She is referring to our new sister in-law. I was sitting next to her, she was very nice and sweet that evening. I was joking with her, she was laughing with me but I did say, don't take me serious when I was acting silly. She doesn't know me well at all. We were on the other side of the table I didn't know N-sister was watching me with her. I actually enjoyed her (sis in-laws) company, besides my husbands.
when you said throw it out (something touched something)he said I would do the same thing...again this morning he kept saying I don;t believe how much you and seasons are the same.

Unbelievable. He thinks he has never seen anything like it.

Well I guess he loves you too ! lol

well we are finishing packing . Dan and Kris are picking us up at 12;30.

James called this morning and apologized for being grumpy. He had a ball otherwise. ! He's my brother and he was rude and grumpy all night.

Thanks for ALL the food. She should not have bought all that stuff.

Call me to w alk  Mon Tues, THurs and Fri. (wed in Hudson)

I  have to run over and kiss my grandchildren goodbye. I do that before each trip and I am running out of time...Bye

Oh my gosh, I felt so ill after reading this. I don't want to be like her!

I went to my sisters (N) because I felt "BAD", my brother James has been compaining that I don't go to anything, family events etc.
Oldest sister (N) I'm  in NC with......... wasn't there.

After we sat down my N sis brought out a picture of our dad, he was throwing a kiss. She starts off  the night with saying " I like to think he was throwing the kiss to ME", in-front of eight people she stood there and acted like a two year old!My husband was horrified through out the whole night. He said I didn't notice both my brothers would walk away from me when I/we were talking.
I told my husband yeah I noticed it, that's how they are.
But then I asked my hubby, "WHY DO THEY WANT ME THERE" when the really have no interest in even the smallest of conversations with me.

At one point my N-sister and her boyfriend were showing me their remodeled bathroom. When I went to look my brother starts yelling, " I came here to play cards! If you don't come sit down I'm leaving NOW!!!"I went in the dining room,like usual. Sat down and felt his anger smoldering. I didn't say anything back, I felt scared of his temper.
He treats his new (third) wife like crap. I said, " James, Kim seems like a very nice girl" He replied, "Yeah, she is nice, works hard and is or can be a BITCH!"
I said you shouldn't say that. He basically said thats how I am. Too bad.

All night N sister was dropping her lines, took her boyfriend out for an $800 dinner. We do this, play this, at the "LAKE HOUSE". Then at the end of the night she put on a video for us/group to watch of her and her boyfriend at his vacation home in Florida. Her cooking, playing golf, watching a football game. It was insane. All you could hear is her voice in the back ground.
"Aren't we the cutest couple! It was nauseating.
DH and I left. He said, "never again! Everyone in that house is sick and has some serious problems".
 Some how I tried the medium chill and got through it.

In my heart I know I am not like her. I do not prey on people, flaunt, roll my eyes, give blank stares, not answer when spoken to, ignore, "demand I be the princess" etc.
Do we share physical gestures, maybe some.
I've never heard it taken to this level in my life!

Talk about just trying to get through the night and now I'm her twin! Is this transference???

We wont be going back for another round.  Just feel really contaminated.      seasons

[BonesMS]

I-DON'T-BLAME-YOU!!!!!

GEEZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bones

[Ami]

Dear (((( Seasons))))
 I know what you mean when someone says you are LIKE someone who repulses you. I felt that way when s/one said I was like my MIL.
 Just cuz he said it does NOT mean it has any truth, Sweetie.
I think you have overload. Trust your H. He seems like a really good gift from God. He does not think you are like she is!    
I am glad you shared your experience, Seasons. It helps to have other people who can see the reality of the situation when your emotions are in overload.            xxxxoooooo      Ami


PS *I* can tell how different you are from your sister JUST in your posts and her e mails. You seem opposite, to me.

[Sealynx]

Seasons,
Here is how I would handle it...
 I wouldn't spend time with people whose rage scares me. I  would go no contact with them and when they call, tell them you are tired of being bullied by their rage. I'd let them know exactly how I expected to be treated and spoken to if they wish to see me and hubby again.

Your sister appears to define herself totally with external references. I know you don't like being compared to her but she has to fill her empty self up with something...at the moment its you.

To me the real issue here is not just your sisters behavior, but that these family nights are an endurance contest with no reward...not even a trophy!  If it were me I'd be needing some big time space about now!!

[seasons]

Bones and Ami,

Thank you for understanding. Because of my pain and history with her, this of course was not a compliment but hurt very deeply.
Of course he doesn't know this. She is so "FAKE" with her new boyfriend, he doesn't know the real her.

I'm a doll, she said. Well she has never called me that in her life! I'm wondering if he was near her when she wrote the email. Lots of snow blowing from her....
like always......why? What is she up to, or gets out of it.

Thank you again!  love seasons

[BonesMS]

Seasons wrote:

"Thank you for understanding. Because of my pain and history with her, this of course was not a compliment but hurt very deeply.
Of course he doesn't know this. She is so "FAKE" with her new boyfriend, he doesn't know the real her."

He doesn't know the real her............YET!!!!!!!

Based on my experience, sooner or later she's going to accidentally let the FAKE FACADE DROP and he will see her for EXACTLY WHAT SHE IS...a COLD, FAKE, B*TCH!!!!  I won't be surprised that he'll RUN after that.  The question would be, how FAST would he run?

Bones

[seasons]

Seasons,
Here is how I would handle it...
 I wouldn't spend time with people whose rage scares me. I  would go no contact with them and when they call, tell them you are tired of being bullied by their rage. I'd let them know exactly how I expected to be treated and spoken to if they wish to see me and hubby again. Your absolutely right and I should know better.

You sister appears to define herself totally with external references. I know you don't like being compared to her but she has to fill her empty self up with something...at the moment its you. I didn't think of it this way.

To me the real issue here is not just your sisters behavior, but that these family nights are an endurance contest with no reward...not even a trophy!  If it were me I'd be needing some big time space about now!!

  Yes, exactly........"endurance contest"...... exhausting, I'm out, not playing with them

Sealynx,

First "hello" I don't think I've had a chance to say that yet. Great to have you here!
I really appreciate your reply. It's nice when someone can see and explain it for you so easily and clearly. Especially after being in the dust of your FOO.

After a time being in LC/NC with my foo. I want to kick myself for sliding back into their web. Feels like a web to me. I thought o.k. great, a little game night wouldn't be that bad. It was that bad.
I am so mad at myself. I was doing so well. Then this last invitation, I guess I just caved.

Move along, move forward and learn once again they equal "ouch" in my life.  With appreciation, seasons
 

[Sealynx]

Great to meet you Seasons.... But Please Don't kick yourself!.
I think you did exactly the right thing.

I put myself in bad situations many times, knowing the probable outcome. I needed a fix to stop the ideas running through my head.

Enduring a night of their madness is better than sitting at home letting "guilt" tapes run over and over. Anti-venom is made from snake venom. Sometimes it takes surviving a few bites to really be free of them. Each time I not only understood the horrible dynamics at an intellectual level, but more and more my feelings adjusted to the truth of what was. Small doses lead to a cure in my book. Good luck!!
S

[Lollie]

My mother often says how she thinks I'm like her and it makes me want to hurl. But let's turn that statement on it's head for a second. Does she see qualities in ME that SHE wants/wishes she had? (There's still a yuck factor with that, but it's better than a hurl factor.) Maybe your sister sees something in you that she on some level wishes she had. She does sound awfully insecure...propping herself up with material things and being in "the perfect relationhip."

I also know what you mean, re: "You don't even act like you like me, so why do you want me here?" I so totally get that!

Seasons, if you don't enjoy spending time with your siblings for social occaisions such as game night, you can always pass. I know, easier said than done. I used to feel guilty for saying "no thanks," but now I'm at the point where I only go to birthday parties for nieces/nephews and family get togethers at holidays. At those times I use Medium Chill, but MC does have its limitations. It takes a hell of a lot of energy and minute-to-minute awareness. I don't know if I could sustain it if I socialized with my siblings more frequently.

The one good thing is it sounds like your husband understands and is looking out for you.

Hope you're feeling better.

[Ami]

Thinking of you ((((Seasons)))))                            xxxooo Ami