What age did your parent(s) start abusing you?

[Ami]

I can see what you mean about the Indian culture . You do not speak  the truth of the  dysfunction  in the family. I could see how the  cultural norms would collude to make  you the BAD one.
 I think your quest is to find your truth--who you are, what you feel, what your deepest heart wants. I think you are doing that, friend.

In the Jewish culture, most families seem pretty good, from what I have seen.*I* got the winner.        xxoo  Ami

[Ami]

Yes, the Indian culture has strict protocols for behavior. You were forced out of the mold by abuse. You would have died if you tried to shut up. It was their fault, not yours. You are trying to survive, live and thrive.
 If you were not abused, maybe you would have been OK staying within the cultural norms but abuse forced you out of them, as I see it.
     

[Lollie]

Since you brought that up, I remember my NM complaining about us crying as babies..Hello, babies are supposed to cry? It's not like we can talk.

She was weird...One minute she talks about how she loves her kids so much, and then she says "You guys used to bother me so much! You even bit my breast when breast feeding!" 

My mother calls babies "parasites."

[JudyK]

Dear Nolongeraslave,
  Dear God, I am so sorry all that happened to you.  It is horrible.
  I remember, around 3 or 4 years, I guess I said I wanted to "run away" from home, due to some altercation I can't recall.  She took me and turned me out the front door.  It was pitch dark. I was terrified, screaming and crying, banging on the door, begging her to let me in, for what seemed like an eternity to a 3 or 4 year old.  Years later, and OFTEN, she would retell this tale, with great glee, about how she stood behind the front door, listening to my hysteria.  It gave her great satisfaction to have complete control over me, her form of discipline.
  That is probably the earliest memory of her cruelty, that I recall.  My father was never an abuser, but an enabler, to the max. NM never kissed or hugged us, as children, either.  Both my sisters have attested to that as well, (even my poor deceased golden child sister.)      Hugs, Judy

[JudyK]

Nolongeraslave,

  I am sure, in your situation, culture has a play.  However, I think a lot of N's are soooo adept at acting "normal" outside of the abusive household.  I know my mother has maintained this fascade her whole life.  Thus, when the veil of deception was finally lifted from my face, and I tried to talk to some of my closest friends about this, they truly did not believe me and actually defended her!  They knew her as the sweet little lady she has portrayed to her public." Ruth?  Never!  It was just the era (50's/60's), many parents were "strict" like that in those days."  How invalidated I felt!  At least, I think, they eventually realized they had better stop defending this woman, or lose a friend.But I must say, I was deeply hurt.  I am so glad to have a sister who feels the same, and has experienced the same as I. And all you wonderful ladies out there, as well.  Judy