Hey there... I started to post this Tuesday - but got waylaid. I'll explain that in a bit.
There is a website that Kleenex is supporting, where you can choose your own "mom". There's even a quiz to match you with one of them! It's at:
http://www.getmommed.comOK, so it's kinda cheesy... but I do think it's interesting to see which mom you get matched with. It's kind of a mirror of our own wants, wishes, and needs maybe. The exercise is worthwhile, anyway. I didn't get all the way through it, but I think you can even sign up for Mom-o-grams... that kind of thing. And for myself, I know I respond to the idea of getting "mommed" - even if it is a canned, online mom. How many of wish we could've chosen our own moms, you know? Well, here's your chance!
So, on Tues. I was getting ready to post this then go back to my packing to move when I got a call that my MIL was being taken to the hospital. DIL has connections with the rescue squad and called me, knowing I was home. Of course, we feared she had another stroke... so I was able to get there minutes after the ambulance delivered her to the ER. And DIL called in all the family "troops", too.
Turns out MIL had a stomach bug - so didn't eat/drink for a day or two - and dehydrated herself and got herself so weak, she couldn't even get from the bathroom back to bed. Sort of passed out. It doesn't seem too serious, but even she isn't sure she has the strength to function at home - alone. And the Dr. encouraged her to stay again last night, to see how solid food sat with her system and get some strength back. It was unexpected that they'd keep her another night - but even she wasn't sure about going home and being OK. Hubby's and my normal routine has evaporated... the packing put on hold... and even business stuff postponed, delegated or forgotten... for the past couple of days.
Several of us spoke with her the night before and she mentioned her stomach "wasn't right". But no one asked if she needed anything... and she wouldn't want to ask and "put anyone out on her own behalf". She didn't have much food in the house; her explanation was that she didn't feel well enough to go to the store. But she didn't ask, either. And lord, we're all so pre-occupied with our own lives... we didn't quiz her about how she was taking care of herself. So, yeah - I feel guilty.
I've invited her to move with us. She'd have her own separate living space and even have room to have her own overnight guests. She doesn't need constant medical care; she is used to living alone and is very independent... but it's now abundantly clear that she does need more frequent interaction than in the past and over the phone isn't going to cut it. Alone, she eats very little or forgets to eat. When she's with us - her appetite's much heartier. It's like she needs simple companionship - human interaction... to remember to care for/about herself. (And duh... I can relate to that!!) She not depressed; she's one of the most positive people I've known - and practical, too.
Hubby's other siblings live some ways away and they can't just pop over to make a grocery run, do little repairs or lift something heavy or have lunch with her. His other siblings all have active children, which can overtire her. What she's facing is being dependent; she's said as much to me. And loss. Her husband died in the early 70's and she's lived alone, since. (Hubby was 17 then and became the "man of the house" - but that's another story.) She's been very social, very active - even ran for mayor one year. She has one sibling left - and he lives about an hour from where we're moving to. Several of her local friends have died in the past year and her closest friend is no longer very mobile - lives 20 mins away - and is over 90. She's lived in her home since 1955 - she keeps reminding me of this. I know that the sense of place is a very emotional thing - I'm going through my own feelings and I've only lived in my current home for 9 years.
I can tell she's thinking... feeling... trying to decide what to do. And I've worked myself up into a right tizzy about it all. I'm very aware of the boundaries - she's not my mom, you know? Even though I've become quite fond of her. And we would be moving a long day's drive from her other kids and their families. That feels like "trespassing" to me... taking her away from them. And I know hubby and I treasure our privacy and solitude - we're looking forward to being able to "play" together sans daily responsibilities. But the reality is, that she does need someone close by who can assist her as needed... or give up her independence. I think she's also realizing this. Without us close by - she's been relying on us - she will be more alone.
And yeah, it's sort of like choosing my own "mom"... if she agrees... (there's those boundaries again)
If she doesn't agree and tries to stay in her home... it's kinda like "letting go" and I'm not ready to do that. Even though she did call the rescue squad herself... and unlocked the door for them and made sure they locked it after themselves... and even though she's not my mom.
I should go pack some more and let this "sit" for awhile.
