I just wanted to make a comment about getting to know myself. I have had no contact with my NM for about 3 years, and yet she lives in the same town as myself. On New Year's Eve, my husband and my son and I made reservations at a nice restaurant and who do you think showed up? NM and her new boyfriend (I think that is who is was, anyway), along with my aunt and her ex boyfriend. They came and sat at the table right next to us! It was awkward since we dont speak to each other but what started out awkward turned into her trying to be as mean as possible. She started (in a voive as loud as she could make it) started saying things like "My REAL daughter that doesn't live out here" and going on and on about how miserable she is living here. I could feel my anger grow and I tried to stay calm and think only happy thoughts .... but she was trying everything to get my attention and hurt me. I knew at the end of the dinner, she was going to come over to the table, ignore my husband and I an wish my son a happy New Year. She works hard to seperate my son and I. THANK GOD, he seems to see through it. I simply told her "This is my family and if you are going to speak to one of us, you need to address all of us". She is such a coward, she didn't even turn around, she just kept walking really fast toward the door. I don't know I keep thinking of this event except to say that I felt NOTHING. I felt anger but no love. Do you think that is the first step in healing?
newfoundchildhood:
Your NM's behavior is hurtful, she is intentional in her hurt to you. You can see that and not react or hurt her back, that is more than I can do at times in my life. The anger you feel is really important, important because it is key to helping you know yourself more and getting to know yourself better.
When I have been angry, resentful, bitter, etc.., I have to ask myself the question what is it that I want, what am I seeking and am I seeing the person who offended me as a spiritually sick person, praying for them so that my heart does not stay in hurt which can and will turn into bitterness for us if we do not reach beyond our own selves to see the other person, as you see your NM, but see ourselves also, as separate and able to be different, even the bigger person by loving them with prayer or if you are not a prayer person then just wishing and wanting goodness for the people that offend us, like our NM's.
Under my anger is usually hurt, real tears at loss as well as sadness, I want to be able to love my NM, like you, but her behavior can be so hurtful and drama stirring for me that I have to just cut her off, or keep contact to her to a minimum.
Hope some of this helps,
Gabben
