Childhood stress study

[Worn]

I'm in a reading discovering mode right now.  Found this and thought it was interesting.  There are a number of articles linked in here I haven't read but that sound interesting also.  Back to reading.

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/02/100225122705.htm

Worn

[Logy]

Worn,
My therapist recently discussed my previous depression episodes and commented that the more depression incidents a person has, the greater probablity they will have another.  He said I am 95% likely to have another.  My first depression incident came when I was 12.  NM denied it then, avoided me, treated me as a leper and her only comments, even when I tried to commit suicide, was "what is wrong with you?".  I recently asked her about that period of my life, how alone I felt, how I didn't wash my hair for six weeks, how I isolated myself from everyone.  According to her, I was very happy, I talked all the time.  How does a mother not know that their child isn't washing their hair???  This period of my life is so burned into my memory and filled with emotional pain that I KNOW I didn't make it up.

Sorry to rant.  This article brought up all of this.

Logy

[Worn]

(((((((Logy))))))) I'm sorry you're hurting. 

I've been reading up on how I was screwed up as a kid and how I have to live with the affects as an adult.  It makes me feel so angry. 

I was suicidal at 13 and had gathered about 50 aspirin and put them in a plastic bag in my backpack.  My mom found it while going through my things and asked me about them.  I said I got headaches.  My dad was standing there watching her ask me.  I was never asked about it again.  How can parents do things like that?  It makes me feel physically sick to think about it. 

Take care of yourself, I will too.  Worn

[Sealynx]

I've read a lot of that research and especially the work Dr. Bruce Perry on how abuse changes brain structure. Here is a link to one of his books, "The boy raised as a dog."  http://www.amazon.com/Boy-Who-Raised-Psychiatrists-Notebook-What/dp/0465056539/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1269186076&sr=8-1

I wish I had the link but I also read somewhere that using some of the anti-depressants can actually have the effect of helping the brain change BACK to a healthy state and undo the damage done by repeated depressive episodes which were seen as increasing the brains tendency toward depression. Might be worth looking into. Also take a look at the book, "The Brain That Changes Itself." 

This work explains much about the constant feelings of malaise I had as a child. I was incapable of real joy and even thinking about it would bring up thoughts of how there would always be something "wrong" with that joy. Either it wouldn't play out as I'd expected, it would be compromised away or I would feel like enjoying myself was a "guilty pleasure" that happened because someone else had to be inconvenienced. How could the parts of my brain that freely experienced joy be nourished?
S

[Sealynx]

Worn and Logy,
I don't want to see this thread disappear so quickly from the board...I think it has a lot to say about many things....

. Here is a quote from another study posted in the Wall Street Journal about the effect of Depression on Memory...

"Some scientists believe that depression weakens the brain by bathing it in damaging chemicals called glucocorticoids, produced during periods of stress. Glucocorticoids, such as cortisol, may erode pathways between neurons (nerve cells in the brain that transmit messages). If this erosion occurs on top of some pre-existing brain abnormality, it may accelerate cognitive problems, according to experts."

Here is a quote from the article Worn posted

"New research using magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) shows that childhood stress such as abuse or emotional neglect, in particular when combined with genetic factors, can result in structural brain changes, rendering these people more vulnerable to developing depression. "

Put the two together and it makes me wonder whether therapies that spend too much time making us relive horrible and depressing periods in our lives are good for us. While it is important to acknowledge the harm done to us, dwelling on it may not be as helpful.

Perhaps the best cure for us is one that strengthens and discusses positive feelings, since the others come naturally to us and are already overdeveloped. In other words our brain may be totally geared for depression, fear and shame. Every incident makes those parts stronger. What we need to practice is positive emotional responses. I know, for instance, that years ago when I had a massage therapist I felt really comfortable with. My visits to her were extremely important to my feelings of well-being. It was the one hour per week when I felt completely safe and able to trust and feel good in my body. During that time my general emotional well-being increased.

I went through a sequence of responses to a situation yesterday that I have had problems with before. I felt really badly about something, not just intellectually and emotionally, but physically as well. I felt the emotion run through me like a jolt of fear. Do other people feel perceive these feelings like a lightening bolt that exists through their fingertips??? Why is my response so physical? I think it is because my brain has been trained to over-respond and is taking my body with it. It reminded me how all the talking I've done about that feeling has never changed it. What made the biggest dent was the positive physical therapies I once had on a weekly basis.

[Gaining Strength]

 by Worn

I've been reading up on how I was screwed up as a kid and how I have to live with the affects as an adult.  It makes me feel so angry.

by Sealynx

I've read a lot of that research and especially the work Dr. Bruce Perry on how abuse changes brain structure.

Don't forget about neuroplasticity by which the altered brain structure can be realtered with thought exercises.  I LOVE this thread.  Thanks so much Worn.

[Worn]

You're welcome, GS.

I can't think of much to say right now but, interesting.  I'm kind of brain dead at the moment.  Been reading so many journal articles for school lately.  Link anything you find please, Sealynx.  Maybe when midterms are over my brain will work again.   Worn

[Sealynx]

Yes GS,
Dr. Perry believes you can change it as well, but it takes creating the right experiences. I know massage made a big difference for me, even though on at least one occasion when she put pressure on a section of my neck, I suddenly relived an event from childhood. Better to relive it quickly and release it from that body part then to experience issues with it later.
S

[SallyingForth]

Put the two together and it makes me wonder whether therapies that spend too much time making us relive horrible and depressing periods in our lives are good for us. While it is important to acknowledge the harm done to us, dwelling on it may not be as helpful.

For me, the best therapy was catharsis through writing my novel. I relived the horrible events of my childhood and put my life back together. Everything started to make sense when I wrote my novel. Therapy did not help as much as writing where I was free to let go completely. Sharing with a friend who was not afraid to hear to gory details of my abuse helped too. I actually had less and less depressive episodes as I began to understand what happened to me.

[Sealynx]

Sally,
I think artists who paint or write have a kind of built in device for processing feelings. I write fiction and having a character deal effectively with what I'm going through always seems the best way to process the event for me.

[seastorm]

I have been reading Dr. Bruce Perry's work and attended an eight hour lecture by him. It really turned around many of my ideas about treating children who are traumatized. Much of his work looks at the effect of trauma on the brain. This trauma impairs learning. Everything gets processed by the survival part of the brain when one has been traumatized and learning doesnt happen until it eaches the higher functioning parts of the brain.  He says that creativity and making inferences from learning is at the top of the brain.  So no wonder one can't think through trauma. It really is physically stuck at the bottom of the brain.

The good news is that healing can happen through music ( especially baroque music, art therapy,art , play, chanting, dancing). It literally changes the brain. As for talking about the trauma.... I think that it can be worked through effectively with a very healthy and well informed therapist. Re experiencing the trauma is not the goal of a healthy therapist. Rather, witnessing and allowing a place and support for a person's story can be healing. For one thing it brings connection to another person that is respectful and caring. usually traumatized people isolate and their chances of changing and growing become more limited.

I think artists who paint and write have a built in mechanism for processing feelings too. But I think everyone can do this. Painting is not for an elite group.  Most painters dont consider painting fun but necessary at some level for their sanity.  I know I am like this.
It is a way to be real and authentic. I guess this could get screwed up too by mimicking other's styles and colour choice. But if one just lets go it is amazingly unique to each person.