Hi Lupita,
There are those of us who are raised in such a way that we are attracted to the 'bad guys'. I identify with that as they are dangerous and exciting, but in the long run are very bad news.
I had my share and now that I am old (17 days away from 71.. and look at me) and not in the running anymore, I see things that I never knew. I am alone today, likely, because I never gave the quiet guys a chance. I was never given any instructions/hints about boys/men, getting to really know them, trust them, REALLY know them, and I see now that I went for the dangerous ones.....and that might be because of the True Confession Magazine claptrap I read, believing it to be true, not fictional. Maybe even went for the 'not available' ones, as I felt no one would love me. This was all a self-fulfilling prophecy, since I was 15 at the time when I first attended a wedding, understood what was happening and was scared to death. I later, too late, learned that men think with their *dicks* and I didn't know that sex did NOT equate LOVE.
I passed by many a nice boy, because my parents favoured him, farm boys, family friends, as I thought LOVE was mysterious and one day I'd fiind someone my family didnt know and he would be mine alone. My parents disapproved of Don, because his parents owned a movie theatre, of Alex, because he was Greek Orthodox, of Norm because his father drank whiskey,....so I finally gave up on a nice guy who dressed in a suit and attended University, as I have only Grade 13 high school.
What was I? Too bad. or too good, for them??? It was more what I thought of myself and I messed up. I was back to thinking no one would ever love me, like my parents didn't and my siblings didnt, and now I know my daughter doesn't, but I can live with all this now.
I dated a very nice guy when I was about 21, but he was separated, and his estranged wife was in Ireland. What to do? I really cared for him and still get a flip floppy tummy when I think of our first kiss, when my knees buckled and he had to hold me up. Then I thought I might be pregnant so I up and left with no thought of what to do but to get away from anyone who knew me and had a job 500 miles away, got my period and met Joe.
So!!! Jack and Joe above. So I met Joe and he, too, was separated, and I cried, and said, "To hell with it!!!!"
Right now I am emailing with an old school chum, Ian. He was in Gr 9 when I was in Gr. 12. I was 15 and he was 14, and he was crazy over me, and me, him, but now he has been married since he was about 19, to the same girl and I never would have been the one.
I looked for all the wrong things in a man. First of all, I felt that I had to be his O and O. That was my insecurity showing. Any man or woman who can trust the other, really has something going for them, when he or she doesn't need him/her all to themselves, but can allow him/her to be free to speak with others without suspecting infidelity.
I can easily say that now, as I am not looking, but I was so jealous of every ex-girlfriend of Joe's, but then he was jealous of my ex-boyfriends (and I knew he needn't be but I couldn't reverse that) and we were really both immature.
When I was conned by the N in 1998, (26 years after Joe killed himself) I was so impressed with his attention toward me....my music skills, my computer skills, all of it. I fell for it, hook, line and sinker, until Jekyll and Hyde came about and I started to grow up a bit (as I was seeing exactly what my daughter went through, with the guy she married, who was also just after her mother's money.) Don't wait until my age to do that Lupita. He was just after sex and my money. Then it was no sex, but just money, then was no money because I got all my loans back and left him. (Got my loans back from Ex-SIL too!)
...and God is being good to me. HE also had me be struck by a car so that I again can add to my 'worth', that appears to be only money.
I often wonder what I had to offer when I was much younger, just living payday to payday, but walking! Nothing!
I am far wiser now and it's far too late with my 2nd Civil Suit on the horizon, and I have no heir except a daughter who I just found out is gay, and won't write to me anymore, now that I know.
All I can ask, Lupita, IS...."Are you so needy that you would go through a life like mine, just for some lousy indifferent man? for whom you cook beakfast? no! something is wrong!
Did I say anything to help?
I hope so! I took this picture and sent it to my sister who has never seen me with long hair. I dontt want her to not recognize me when she arrives on the 22nd, for a week! I really wonder how that week will go!
Love
Izzy
