Could you please help?

[Lucky]

Well I think with this topic we could give people who never knew anything about narcissism before a good idea about the ins and outs of narcissism. Is there anything still missing? When we are finished I will make a Word document out of it for myself to give to persons that are wondering what narcissism looks like.

[Lucky]

By the way, are snobism, racism and sexism also part of narcisistic behavior? And how about being overly preoccupied with sexuality or having no interest in sexuality at all? And paedophilia and (sado)masochism and fetishism? Ofcourse incest is definitely part of narcissistic behavior.
Good heavens the list seems to get longer and longer.

[HeartofPilgrimage]

I think racism definitely is part of a narcissistic pattern, it is just spread out over many people and is more in the domain of sociology rather than psychology (which is where we are usually at when we discuss our parents' narcissism). Although raised in a highly racist part of the States, my dad was able to make friends with people of all colors, ethnicities, etc. (He was not narcissistic). My mom, on the other hand, does not change her opinions about people of other "groups" for anything. For example, she has a certain (negative) opinion of another ethnic group. If she meets somebody that she really likes in that other ethnic group, she will say, "Well he/she is an exception." Not that her opinion needs to be changed, but that the person she likes is not REALLY representative of the other-group. Drives me insane, but then a lot of the way she thinks drives me insane. But I regard this as a manifestation of the rigid thought patterns (gaslighting) that go with the narcissistic traits --- it is not her that needs to change, it is reality that needs to change. SImilar to when she gaslights me, when she confronts a reality that says her opinion is wrong, she has to twist the reality around to fit her opinion.

[Lucky]

And how do you think narcissism is devided between men and women? About 50/50 or a different percentage?

[Lucky]

This is a good list:
http://www.outofthefog.net/CommonBehaviors.html

[Lucky]

How about hoarding, might it be narcissism related? I am not sure if I mentioned it. There are so many things related to adults not being grown up and I am afraid I have quite a number of these traits  !! Aaarrrggghhhh!

[JustKathy]

4. N's  are often caught off guard by spontaneous expressions of feeling and will either react with an abusive response or change the subject to something they can handle.

This one is HUGE with my N mother. HUGE. In fact, the incident that caused me to finally go NC came after an abusive rage response. I called her with some benign question, and during the course of the conversation, I discovered that she had sabotaged my job search. I finally lost it, and started calling her out on many years worth of sabotage. She couldn't handle all that truth coming at her all at once, didn't know what to do, so put down the phone and started calling hysterically for my co-dependent father to help her. I could hear her on the other end of the phone, bawling her eyes out, and screaming, "Honey, help me, help me, Kathy's picking on me, help me, help me."

Seriously, you would have thought she was being murdered, it was that bad. I finally hung up the phone. That was *the* moment where my brain finally told me, ENOUGH.

[JustKathy]

By the way, are snobism, racism and sexism also part of narcisistic behavior?

My mother hates all other people except herself and her GC, but above all, is an extreme racist. I've talked to a few therapists about this, and while they do agree that it's an N trait, they've told me that NM is also a sociopath, because her hatred runs so deep.