I think he is N

[Lupita]

I think he is an N. he behaves just like my mother. He does not care about the other person, He is constantly sicking for reassurance, a reassurance that he does not give.When he fixed lunch for me one day he told me several times, “see ho nice I am with you?  Nobody will treat you the way I treat you.”
See hw nice I dance?
Many times that he went dance alone I did not ask him who did he dance with and he bombarded me with names of women who chased him.
I cannot even go to the bathroom because when I come back the table is fool of women, He says bacon, and all the dogs come.
Like seagulls at the beach. You show a little food and many of them come.
He elicits that response.
I bought food on weekends many times and he did not ask me to take it home, the left overs. I had to buy food again in my house.
I tell him I feel bad and he does not care.
That is why I feel so scared with him, because h behaves just like my mother. He does not help me in anything. Every problem that I have he tells me that is mine.

[lighter]

When a man shows you who he is, Lupita......

believe him.

Assess

Accept

Act

You're responsible for yourself, and your mother will never be the mother you needed or deserved.

She's broken and beyond repair.  Accept that.

If you're repeating that same struggle with this man, then it's up to you to decide how you feel about it, and stay or go.

When you've learned the lessons you need, IMO..... you'll go.

Just be aware, you don't need anyone's permission but your own, to decide what's best for you.

You don't need anyone else's approval to do anything.

You're in charge of your destiny.  Accept that.

Mo2

[Lupita]

what his friends say is so importat for him! like a high scool kid!

but his friends are all women. he does not have male friends.

He invited me for tango tonight. I said yes, but I am in the process of changing my mind.

Why would I want a man that causes me so much pain? The percievd value of the result is it bigger that the pain?  Why do I feel mistreated? Whi does he thing that he is a wonderful lover when I feel humilliated? How can he not understand that each time I see him in the arms of another women my love diminishes?  I think I will go to see if by seeing him I can get so disappointed to not want anything with him. This time I will not react. When Olga comes, she is an instigator. I will not react. I will act cool. Let us see. I feel terrified of the way people are going to look at me.
I feel that nobody understands me. But at the end, I do not need anybody to understand me, I just need to understand my self. Why do I feel dyeing when he gives affection to other women? I kills me. I feel attaqued.

[Lupita]

I know I should leave him. I should!!!!!! He is bad for me. I think that these women are going to tortur me tonight. I want to be torture. That way, I will feel so bad that I will not have any regrets after.
Why does he make me feel so paranoid? I have the feeling that he says something bad about me. Why do I feel so bad?
I do not say anything good about him either.
I fear him.

[Izzy_*now*]

Two days ago he says:
No, I will not come, because I don't want to talk about the same thing over, and over, and over again. No More, Sorry.

...and now has invited you to go dancing? He has no boundaries either.

Lupita--just walk away and have No Contact. He definitely is a Narcissist looking for as much supply as he can get...and you just cater to that warped EGO of his..... as do all these other women!

One day he will be alone and miserable and not know why--he will be wrinkled and used up and not know why. He does not know he is mentally disordered.

[Hopalong]

Wouldn't it feel GREAT to change your mind and leave him a message that you're cancelling?

Go for it, Lup!!!!!!

I think you'll be in for a surprise burst of self esteem.

love to you,

Hops

[Lupita]

We had a wonderful time. He was wonderfull!!!! HE did not flirt, nor danced with anybody else. He said if he had days that he can dance on his own, he will not do anything in front of me. I was dancing too much. Now I will go back to my walks and kayaking and he will have freedom.

Still, I felt paranoid. Friends ignored me totally. He did not stay in my apartment nor I went to his house. We kissed goodbye as in a date.

I have to be sure he is an N. I feel he puts people against me and he sabotage me, i dont know why i get that feeling. I feel shame for geting that feeling but i feel it.

Before we entered, he told me " dont forget that the most important is what I think not what others think about you"  That is why I think that he isolates me. He does what my nother did, made me look bad. He provokes me until I have a reaction that makes me look bad. That is what my mother did all the time. That is why i feel so triggered with him.

I might go to the beach today in the afternoon, then I will be so tired that I might not go tonight. I will think about it. Suddenly I have fear again.

[CB123]

" dont forget that the most important is what I think not what others think about you

That is why I think that he isolates me. He does what my nother did, made me look bad. He provokes me until I have a reaction that makes me look bad. That is what my mother did all the time

Lupita,

Your interpretation of what this means is not the interpretation that I would give it.  I think you have talked yourself in circles and are operating in fear. 

I hope you will find someone in 3D that you can talk to...I think one of the best times to be in therapy is when you are being extremely triggered like this.  You have all your fears out on the surface and they are pinging and ponging all over the place.  It makes them more obvious.

The number one big thing I would love for you to focus on, is that YOU are in control of you.  He does not provoke you into having a reaction.  He does not make you look bad.  (Maybe you dont even look bad!)  You have the choice in this relationship.  But you need to take time to think through your actions and reactions.  You dont even want to know how well I know this, and how hard it was to learn it.

The kiss at the door is a great idea.  I hope you will put off intimacy until you are more settled emotionally.

Love
CB

[Lupita]

i just called a T. She is going to see me monday.

maybe i suspect i will need medication.

[Hopalong]

That is such a wise, healing decision, Lup.

I am so glad for you.

You will have a safe 3-D place to talk about these fears and cycles and triggers and eventually with a lot of work (you are a hard worker! you are not allergic to work!) you will separate the present from the past. And Rx may help you for a time, so your good mind can work on the work more clearly.

Stay with it.

love,
Hops

[lighter]

I'm so glad you called a T, Lupe.

You need to find your center, with or without this man.

Mo2