Hello all,
I think I began on this forum about my dysfunctional family. That has not changed. Even with my younger sister, R., having spent a week with me in April, I knew I was being ‘told how to do things’. She brought 14 recipes, bought the food and cooked the lunch and dinner for 7 days. That was quite wonderful, but I was instructed to watch how she did it! So I did and we talked the while, every meal. Everything, of course, was new to my system and resulted in a mix-up of my elimination (pardon if that sounds gross!) (I really missed my slab of pork covered in hot salsa and baked in the oven. So damned simple.) She also doesn’t see that her standing at the counter, chopping etc., is far different from my sitting at the counter and not being able to see into the bowl.
R. is the one who took my 5 yr. old daughter, 41 years ago, 1969, and brought her but once to see me in the hospital. I still think she doesn’t understand how difficult it was for me to handle that year, being I was newly paralyzed. (This is not a ‘poor me’ post, it’s about family) Since 14 months ago and being struck down again, my hair has just grown longer. Everyone here who sees it loves it and thinks it makes me look far less than 71. R. runs out and buys 3 hair clips, tries to French braid it and clip it up. I said “No”! …and have not used them. She bought me 3 shapeless tops, too large, but I just accepted them rather than hurt her feelings, and gift after gift, including 5 different dry skin care creams/lotions and is already asking me in email which is best? That takes time, so I don’t respond to that question. She bought me facial cleanser and moisturizer, and I haven’t used it. She asks and I say that I am waiting until I empty my previous containers…why waste them? She made a carved face in an apple and I sent a picture. I thought that would be enough, but she suggests putting some of my hair on it and giving it a name. I responded with the fact I am not into saving extraneous things, as she ought to know from her cleaning my place and ridding me of more of my non-essentials. I now have her 2 granddaughters emailing me, ‘because I am so nice‘. I like that last part as they are 10 and 12.
Now she writes that eldest sister, J., is coming for a couple of days and they can catch up on how J, has been dealing with the Dad issue--- well, J. told me a few years back that she had a great time with Dad, having him all to herself while B., the second eldest was a baby and being cared for by Mom. Dad talked to her, and took her on wagon and sleigh rides to business calls, re farming ad infinitum. When I asked her about the relationship she said she ‘lives life like she plays golf, if she loses, she walks away a winner, and if she wins, she walks away a winner’. That is far different than talking about being raised a farm girl and still trying to fit in with the upper crust at 75.
5 of us from 68-75, and no one sharing truths but me, which left them all treating me like an alien. I have given up on finding answers from any of them, but I do know now, that R’s. always smiling like sunshine face is just a cover for the evil worldly things she thinks about an but does not talk about. I sent her this
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http://www.infowars.com/bill-gates-funds-covert-vaccine-nanotechnology/And she just responds with “Wow Scary” and no discussion!
So here I sit, still in pain, and R. asking me was a thigh wrap is. I feel like asking her if she has Google on her computer. I just paid over $95.00 for one, told her, and it supports well for exercises and using the car. (I will be billing the Insurance Co. for it.) Yes, the car is back on the road and I am in control of my transportation.
I can now do my own laundry, take out garbage, do my own shopping, drive my car, and have had significant success with therapy to get to moving that left leg again. (The Insurance Co, cut off funding so I have contracted the physical therapist for therapy and some household chores @ $40/hr. (I told the rep that the Insurance Co. would pay one way or another!)
I don’t hear from sister B., (since she told me to rid my home of 1000-50# pails of sh*t, and get on my miserable knees to G*D,) or my brother, but he called on my birthday and is really not into the family politics with 4 sisters. He is more into his wife’s family, where it is ‘normal’.
I think of these things, with detachment, and all I can see is the others trying to cover up their faults, without all of us sharing how our childhood affected us. I really cannot abide obvious fools, and I see that no one has changed for as long as I have been on this board, except for me, because I can swoosh them away like bothersome mosquito.
I ought to add, that, inasmuch as R. paid for her airline ticket, for the 2000 mile trip (I paid $38.00 for the airport shuttle to meet her and pick her up here a week later), paid for the groceries, cooked the meals, performed Reiki and Reflexology on me, as well as an olive oil facial, I sense a ‘bit of control’ and I am indebted? NO! She already knew my up all night and sleep all day on and off routine, but somehow I forced my body to go into an up all day, 1 nap, and sleep all night routine, to accommodate her!! I think she thinks she ‘cured me’, but I am back to my routine of sleeping whenever I am tired and watching movies all night if I am not!---and now those 2 granddaughters of hers think she cured me. How does one tell 10 and 12 the real truth when I have never met them?
If only, the old maxim, one could walk in the shoes of another, there would be more understanding!
Comments certainly welcome!
Izzy
