Hi Ill,
Do you feel like a married single parent? I did. I was a married single parent. Had the house the finance, insurance, food, car, husband,ect...but no partner. Know what I mean?
I was a stay at home mom. There was even an incident when my dog caught her nail in my d's eye lid when she was crawling. She tore it wide open right across.
I was alone. My neighbor heard me screaming and had the door open before I even reached it. I called my H (who was suppose to be at work) but they covered for him saying he was on a run. When I told them to find him and what happened they told the truth. My D wound up with plastic surgery that night. The next morning after I had just returned home from the hospital with my D my H came in shortly after. He looked at her then said to me..and what? I couldn't have prevented it from happening then went to bed. I was still alone (with everything) except money, house, car, ect.
I wanted to go back to work (to hell with you) and be home at the same time. I was torn. And I was tired. And I was angry. And I was guilty about all of it.
But one thing for sure is I had no (emotional partner) well except for the one's he had for himself.
I was a married single parent. I thought about packing up and see ya! I was on my way to do it and then it was done for me. Different story but my marriage ended.
I then went to work. I stayed home in the day and baby sat other's children and at night worked a p/t job. Then I just moved back on home a year later.
I put my two (had another baby) in nursery school and I went back to school. Then I gained employment again. They stayed in nursery school and I made friends with the teachers. In an emergency or when I had to work late the teachers took my children home with them or to my house. I worked for a social service agency so they understood when my children were sick I would have to stay home if I didn't have a sitter. If they were not to sick then I'd take them with me to work. Everyone of the workers had permission to pick up my children (if I was called) but not there at the moment. No cells at the time.
My children made friends, loved the school and workers, loved people at my job and thier families, and I was then a single parent but lost the finances, cars, house, pretty much everything and gained so much more from losing it. And things came back, including me.
2 year olds are demanding of your attention. I doubt your D is an N. I had a 2 year old and an infant. I thought I'd drop dead at times I was so overwhelmed and tired but I was never as tired and overwhelmed as I was (being married to my N or worse ex-h).
So from 2 to 9 with both of my kids (and really a single parent) I did the stitches, crutches, cast, flu, 5th disease, strep's, sniffles, chicken pox, shots (my S had a seizure from one) so they never gave that one again (red flagged his charts) vacuumed, moved things, had eyes all over the place but they found that one penny (in the mouth)
and hopped myself out of bed, feed, dressed, cleaned, let the dog out, with a cast on my own ankle. I even had four kids with me (2 my sister's) in a hospital for (well stitches).
Even the Dr. where I worked looked like she was going to drop dead at times...(she had four adopted kids)...and all kids wear you out. At one point the Dr. and I would hear at the window....Maaaaaaaa! Mom, moooommmmyyy...we didn't know who's they were. Your's or mine? While she was in session (lol).
My S had asthma and his allergist told me to not get rid of the pets, yet. Use alleripet. It worked. He even played hockey. He's an adult now and fine.
And both were ...very trying at times. My S decided that even with what he picked out the night before to wear to school in the morning he didn't want to.
He would run around the table as the time just kept going and I was going to be late for work. Then I just took him by his hand in his superman underwear with his clothing he picked out in my other hand and didn't care if he went in his underwear to school. He had choice. You bet he put on his clothes before it even opened.
That was the end of the clothing war's. He did go to school for about a month with his fore head covered in bandaids. what happened? Nothing he liked bandaids.
Liked the look...so..(it was nursery school). For awhile he wore the same under wear (cleaned of course) but the same. My D would not eat anything but Cheerio's for a bit. I told the Dr. she won't eat anything else!!! What should I do? He said, let her eat the cheerio's. She eventually ate other things but even at 25 is a picky eater.
She is almost a vegetarian.
Then I remarried and had another S. This time I was a stay at home...stay at home till now...mother. He had staples, ear infections for years, flu, shots fine, dyslexic, plays hockey, fits, temper tantrums, chicken pox, cat scratch, MRSA, H1N1, wouldn't sleep in bed but would in a 2 man tent in his room, was terrified of ants, but had a pet slug, and more....and he's fine. He will be 16 in Jan.
So I was married single parent. To unmarried single parent. To married with kids and almost 16 years stay at home parent.
So now what to do. They don't need me like they use to. Go back to work? Yes.
And ya know what....the back to work ...is back to school and what I should have done in the first place...I'm not really office and it's not really my talent...
My natural talent is hair. I'm going to do it. Yep, 18 year olds, 20 year olds, and me....54 year's old all in the same class (this should be interesting).
So that is part of me when 1st married..being a single parent (you know what I mean) and me not married really single parent...and then me married again.
I'm surprised I'm still sane. Maybe I'm not.
step by step and day by day..it changes all the time...as you grow as they grow..
So what? your a mother, a cook, a cleaner, a nurse, a body guard, a teacher, and you add on....That is a whole lotta worth!! You have the most important job in the World.
Love
Deb
