two years and no progress.... any advice?

[Ales2]

Its been two years since I found out m mother is an N... two years! Our relationship is over, but nothing much else has improved in my life... does it ever get any better? The two things that really need to change - my work situation and my love life are just stuck and not moving forward at all... any thoughts on what to do?

[sKePTiKal]

Hi Ales! I hope you're feeling better since your last posts!

I know the impatience you're talking about; and YES it does get better. I look at it this way: it took x amount of time to make me a basketcase about all this - and it'll surely take a similar amount of time to "undo" it and make permanent changes. In the meantime: practice, practice, practice!   

The other thing about this - I don't know if it's true for you or not; sure is with me - is that I'm the worst judge of progresss, ever. It's as if I set the bar of achievement so high and put so many conditions on myself to qualify as "progress" that with each real step the goal or prize keeps moving further away. SIGH... This is one of those things, that actually require feedback from another person. It's as if there are some things in my lens of self-inspection and observation - that are always fuzzy - and I just don't see it accurately. It helped when I looked at what others said about me and told me about how they saw me. It gave me another background or context to see myself in... and "rate" myself and my progress. And that acts like my bi-focals; it "stuck" with me... but it took a long time to get comfortable with it; still working on it when the opportunity presents itself.

So: what are you thinking about jobs and relationships?

[Ales2]

Thanks for the response, but I feel mostly like I am falling behind, not getting any better and certainly, I am not keeping up. Whatever changes have happened internally are not showing on the outside and thats a source of pain.  I'm on year 2 of not working and year 2 of no relationship. I keep trying to find both, but nothing ever works out. I'm going deeper into debt and not sure I'll get out. I'm working on other projects while looking for work, but chances there aren't real bright either. I'm more doing that to be proud of SOMETHING at the end of the day.

As for feeling better, not really, feeling mostly worse.

[Hopalong]

I'm really sorry, Ales. This is a low chapter for you.

But it ain't the book.

All you can do, ever, is start where you are. Even if that means starting every day.

Have you ever tried a spiritual practice? As in, really practice? As in, do it regularly for two months before you decide it doesn't help? (Can be non-theological...)

What kind of work are you looking for?

(I have been happier since I stopped looking for a relationship for a while. Might try again at some point but for now, life demands all I've got.)

xo
Hops