Relationship/s

[lighter]

I'm so happy for you, ((Hops!!))

What an accomplishment and will make such a difference in your community!

You did good: )

Lighter

[Hopalong]

Thanks, Lighter!

hugs
Hops

[Hopalong]

Happy update on my relationship to the UU congregation:

Y'all might remember that I've done "lay sermons" now and then in the past. Today was my 7th (my 6th was also about the environment and 13 years ago). I was anxious about being up for it, being compelling and engaging, etc...and after stroke and health wobbles and ER visits I feared I might have a wave of something in the pulpit. Did for a moment or two, but it passed.

Thought about it, kind of prepping my internal ground, for a week or so, and wrote it in 8 hours yesterday. "A Personal Planet" was the title. Anyway, there I was and it went very well. I included humor, love, compassion (for planet and for self) and a recurring thing about contemplating the differences between need and craving when it comes to consumerism, which is basically what's destroying the earth. You can consume stupid plastic, fuel including the most polluting (air travel) without really connecting the dots.

And it kinda rocked. I felt validated and affirmed for the deepest part of me -- being a writer, and knowing and valuing the oral tradition. Poems and sermons (in my case, very agnostic, no deity involved) aren't very far apart. So I'm feeling verrrrrrry grateful. And sort of welcomed back (not that anybody was not welcoming before, but I felt alienated for a long time after the previous Nminister)....new minister is kind, smart, and does his job really well. I was really happy when he asked me if I could do it today.

I think I'll go back as often as I can, and build new connections with old friends and new UUs. It's still the best chance I have to feel part of an extended family I do love, and I'd be a fool to let that belonging wither. That, plus the local "Village" project, anchor me in belonging to groups that feel meaningful and bigger than me.

I'm just happy. Didn't hurt my ego, either, to have a lot of people come up to shake my hand and tell me they really liked it. I felt affirmed, acknowledged and fulfilled. The music director said he's going to push for me to be invited to do it again. Wow.

hugs
a happy Hops

[sKePTiKal]

Congrats Hops! I'm happy a door seems to be opening for you.

I believe that a whole lot of people are suffering from a mindset nutritional deficiency; sorta like what happens without enough Vit C in your diet. And any time they can partake of a positive perspective on the issues of the day, more often "discussed" through competing shouting... the more hopeful they feel (and perhaps the less they'll blindly go along with the shouters - after all, you're giving them a CHOICE).

Good job!

[lighter]

I'm so happy for you, Hops!  What an amazingly brave thing to do.... step outside of your comfort zone and share your gifts and knowledge with your immediate community. 

If you don't mind, I'd love to read your sermon. 

Lighter

[Hopalong]

I'm sorry, Lighter.
I have such paranoia about posting creative stuff online, just never made the transition to being comfortable about the loss of privacy. I've had a few near-misses about that.

But I'm flattered you asked!

hugs
Hops

[Hopalong]

Well, so it goes. I got a very unexpected email from the minister tearing me a new one for changing one element of the service from its current format. Doesn't matter what it was but the message I got was (my interpretations in italics)... who do you think you are, you should have asked me first, how dare you, know your place!, we need to have a conversation about what is and is not the role of a guest speaker if you'll ever be in the pulpit again, etc....

I was stunned. I don't know what got into him but wow. I felt crushed, actually. It was such a full-circle, love-overflowing, joy-filled moment for me that to have that response from him was devastating.

I'm okay now, waiting to see if he really wants to talk about it. To check if I was crazy I shared his message with a few friends in confidence and they were all shocked too.

Big spiral of...do I threaten male ministers when I do something that really moves the congregation and brings a lot of praise? Is it really a balls problem? Or is it me and I exude some kind of "don't need your approval" vibe? It never occurred to me because as a past "worship weaver" the then-ministers had offered us full freedom and much support and delighted in whatever we created. (We had a yoga enthusiast sit in that crossed-legs-in-your-lap position on the altar once years ago! People were delighted.)

It's a fact that it's been 13 years since I preached and stuff there has gotten a lot more formal than I generally enjoy, but I truly was not trying to be insurrectionist or disrespectful anything like that. I had thought when he heard how it went he'd be proud of me!

Anyway, I'm okay now. Really. I know where I was coming from. Love 'n joy. But wow, from the heights to the depths, kinda thing.

Life. Lessons keep coming about reality vs expectations. I guess we need them.

hugs
Hops

PS In case anybody's curious or has church memories, the service element was Joys & Sorrows, which used to be an intimate time when a person could stand up and share from the heart something deeply felt, with their congregation, by telling it personally. Since we're bigger, because of time constraints, it's been changed in recent years to "fill out this form online" and a minister or worship helper will read it. A lot less moving than people speaking to their "brethen" (not our terminology) themselves, but I'd understood the change as just part of growth. Since I'd missed the vulnerability of that kind of community sharing and we were a smaller group Sunday after Tgiving anyway, I requested to revert to the "come up to the mic" moment --my official "worship weaver" helper was fine with it and great to work with-- and about 5 people did. I heard afterward that some people were happy to see it again. I'd asked that each person limit theirs to one minute and all did.

(The new version was to have anybody with a Joy or Sorrow come up and put a rock into a big bowl of water --a very nice ritual-- but not speak.)

That was all there was to it. About 8-10 minutes out of the whole hour's script.

[sKePTiKal]

Well, we can't ever anticipate how people react to things we say and do, Hops. Obviously, your intention was well-considered and benign... and he saw it as a threat to his control/importance. Maybe after the first stings of that go away, he'll see it differently. And maybe not.

There is an unspoken (perhaps unperceived) tension lately between people. I feel it; sense it; when we're out - which is very very little these days. But even phone calls have become exercises in patience as one navigates the computer tree (AI) and then finally get a human being... only to have to repeat everything for 3rd time, for "security purposes". SIGH.

It seems to be a combination of fear of being taken advantage of, and denial of the amount of "brokenness" in what used to work so smoothly. Some of that is also financial sticker-shock... and fear of not being able to make ends meet.