Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Finding voicefulness......losing......finding.....practicing..
Meh:
I like makeover shows on television they rivet me because I want to see just how different a person can be after a few days of fashion counseling, haircuts and makeup. Makeover specialists somehow explain that it is going to change a persons life, they will start dating or get married or get a better job or something along those lines. I can think of a time in my life when I was in my twenties and I thought that I could make myself over and that maybe the process would also replace the Narcissistic/Alcoholic relatives. Some part of me thought that the power of my new persona would somehow dissolve the reality that my mother could be the subject of a Stephen King movie.
Lollie:
Hi, MuffinBuster.
I don't post much, but I come here frequently to read. I just wanted to say that I'm glad to see you back. I was a bit worried about you and was wondering how you were doing.
Lollie.
SilverLining:
Hi Muffin.
It would be interesting to find out if the makeovers have any long term effect. One thing I have noticed with my N-ish relatives: they are constantly doing physical makeovers. My sister spends a fortune on plastic surgery, but doesn't have enough money to buy school clothing for her child. My mother remodels, and then remodels again, in a never ending process. Our society likes to push this kind of solution. It keeps the corporate system rolling along..
Hopalong:
Hi MB,
I wouldn't want the surgery but sure could use the $5000 preloaded Visa card for a wardrobe!
And I understand the fascination.
Really glad to hear your voice again.
Hops
Meh:
Thank you for the warm thoughts. Hi Lollie-and Silver Lining- and Hopalong.
I'm not certain that I have much I feel like sharing right now. I've had a lot of draining fights with my M-mother lately. I think I have pretty much analyzed the heck out of my relationship with my N-mother and I would have to say after recent experiences with her I'm glad that I analyzed because now I just say to her "believe me I get get it....I GET IT" and she looks at me in a pissed off look. She actually said I'm really burnt out on the Narcissist stuff in my life and I desperately want to focus more on me being more secure rather then insecure and having more confidence or something.
Last week my mother starting harping on me and I stood up for myself I know I did because afterwards I got that feeling of my body being more solid- she gave me this look as if to say "how dare you stand up to me". But then the next day she started a fight with me where she starts raising her voice at me and during this she accused me of speaking to her disrespectfully as if I was a teenager. She will repeat the same thing to me 10 times and it drives me nuts. I eventually just walk away from it but I argue with her for a while and I know it is pointless.
She doesn't really surprise me anymore. I still haven't acheived no-more-contact! with my mother but I hope that someday I will and that seems like a weird goal to have. She is really mentally ill I understand that.
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