I forgot that I started this post, was thinking about M-Day guilt, got onto the internet and low and behold I SAW GOOGLE ICON that is dedicated to MOTHER'S DAY.
Of course some people have good relationships with their mother's, the difficult thing is that culturally it's almost taboo to not respect the mother.
We don't even really respect Mother Earth who gives us everything. BUT we must think about butterflies and purple flowers on Mother's Day.
For me personally, my psychological hardship with bearing the burden that is called Mother's Day, is related to how much my mother does not acknowledge, her level of denial for years and years has been hell on my psyche.
On Mother's Day I am suppose to pretend like all the unkind things she has done never occurred.
I feel that it creates a psychological stress for me to go-along with that. I would be lying to myself in a very unkind way to myself.
To celebrate mother's day minus the mother part I found the best, I mean THE very best chocolate cupcake I have ever had in my entire life. I thought about taking my mother there. I don't know why...Wait yes I do.
I KNOW. It's because I continue to FANTASIZE about what it will be like when we both go to this nice place and sit down and share a nice MOMENT with each other, and we are talking to each other and we are both there enjoying each other's company, at least partially.
I have fantasies about spending time with my mother and it never turned out like that. It's a habit in my mind of what it projects into the future. My mind projects some positive event that never happens but for some reason my mind spontaneously does this because maybe I still need to believe that somebody loves me and would spend time with me. Even when my mother is with me, she isn't there, she is absent. She doesn't want to be there, that is clear enough as day, her psyche does not want to be there and floats away to someplace else...so I should leave her there in that somewhere else land where she has decided to dwell.
