Relationship Problems

[Emotional_Cripple]

Hello everyone. I need some advice about my so-called relationship. As I have explained before I am an adult child of an Ndad. From what I have read this will cause trust issues in relationships. And this is certainly the case.

At the present time I am dating someone who is 19 years younger than me. We have very little in common and because of her age she behaves in ways that are intolerable. On several occaisions she has set for us to meet and then would stand me up. I would literally be waiting there for hours concerned about her well being and all along she did not have the consideration to call. Then she would get back to me and apologize profusely.

But I continue to cling on to her because she does give me some pleasure in this nightmare that I call my life. I think that I am just being needy and looking for some love or perhaps lust. I know that this is unhealthy but frankly I do not have much else to attach myself to at this time. And whenever I thing about ending things with her all I can think of is the hurt I will cause her and therefore put off the fateful day.

I am not sure if this post fits in this forum but any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance,

EC

[Dawning]

EC,

Is it possible that you are setting yourself up to be taken advantage of by this person?  In the end, whatever lust or pleasure you get from her, is it worth it?

But I continue to cling on to her because she does give me some pleasure in this nightmare that I call my life.

This is an honest statement and takes courage to write it.  However, the nightmare will only get worse if you continue to let her *use* you.  

I think that I am just being needy and looking for some love or perhaps lust. I know that this is unhealthy but frankly I do not have much else to attach myself to at this time.

I know this feeling well.  You recognize it as an attachment.  You see it as unhealthy.  DEtaching might take you to a healthier place.  It may very well be hard in the beginning.  

I was in a similar situation with someone 12 years younger.  After a certain period of time, and interestingly it didn't take long, I began to think that that he was lucky that he had me while he did.  I don't know your background (NPD in your family?) but ACON's often suffer from low self-esteem and get ourselves in intolerable situations because we think that we deserve it.  Hopefully, you can learn from this experience and move on.

And whenever I thing about ending things with her all I can think of is the hurt I will cause her and therefore put off the fateful day.

This indicates compassion on your part but, what makes you think she will be hurt if I may ask.

[bunny]

On several occaisions she has set for us to meet and then would stand me up. I would literally be waiting there for hours concerned about her well being and all along she did not have the consideration to call. Then she would get back to me and apologize profusely.

At this point I would cut the waiting to 10 minutes and then leave. She is probably not in a life-threatening situation. I realize that you stay for certain reasons other than concern, but do leave. This is for your own self-respect.

But I continue to cling on to her because she does give me some pleasure in this nightmare that I call my life. I think that I am just being needy and looking for some love or perhaps lust. I know that this is unhealthy but frankly I do not have much else to attach myself to at this time. And whenever I thing about ending things with her all I can think of is the hurt I will cause her and therefore put off the fateful day.

You'll stay until the misery is intolerable. Keep questioning what this is all about and who is really being hurt.

bunny