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Shyness and Social Anxiety--Diane Rehm Show

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Guest:
Ditto what Teartracks said. Except in the past I have been very rarely labelled as shy, usually by manipulative people who put it to me as a part-accusation, part-pitying tactic. I assumed that this was because they wanted to discover my potential threat level to them. Stupid people are like that; they give themselves away, all you have to do is listen.

sKePTiKal:
Well, perhaps....

for some of us, we carry around this unconscious toxic shame about who we are or what happened to us and what is perceived by others as social anxiety, or shyness, or even aloofness... is simply the way we attempt to protect others from being "contaminated" by our shameful selves - and thereby - protect ourselves from rejection.

I know that's been the case with me, quite a lot. Stepping out of that; doing something different than the old strategy - is frightfully difficult and the intensity of actually doing it rates right up there with stepping out in front of a large crowd, with cameras, stark naked with no ability to hold any secrets of mind or emotion, either. So there's huge adrenalin pushes of anxiety and fear and the whole fight/flight brain reaction to deal with... push through... and the times I've been able to do juggle all this at this at once and just close my eyes and jump...

nothing bad happened; I proved to myself that "the worst" I could imagine and fear didn't happen "this time"... giving me confidence to try it one more time... finding those kinds of boundaries and practicing... practicing... practicing. Which means I deliberately engage in social situations nowadays... as a form of exercise and reminder that I can do this... and the rejection doesn't happen nor am I totally exposed for the fraud or pathetic creature that part of me, still thinks I am. I do make mistakes; I've embarrassed myself; taken risks that didn't turn out as I anticipated... and life goes on. I haven't been surrounded and pointed at, by laughing or mean people, you know?

Like tt mentioned, social fatigue sets in quicker for me too. It's exhausting to try to cope with intense emotions like that while intentionally taking risks. I end up feeling totally emotionally drained and needing to be "taken care of", which for me consists of withdrawing from everyone for awhile. (Such is my "attachment style" - sigh - this just isn't understood well, by a lot of people though).

Guest:
PR
I too make mistakes, embarrass myself, take risks that don't turn out as I anticipated (even today)... and yes indeed life goes on!

But the idea of being surrounded and pointed at, by laughing or mean people - well no, I don't know. That sounds an awful idea to have. To me protection is more straightforward, since there have been quite a number of sick people in my life, and continue to be. If anything I have to protect them from my sanity! Who knows what would happen in their heads if they could have some of my sanity? Seriously.

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