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Ales2:
I know I said in previous posts that I would not take anti-d's for several reasons, most of which is I think they dont work, and I dont think they are prescribed very well, they just go by self reporting, and I dont find that to be the kind of exact science I tend to respect with medical professionals. (I know there is a thread on whether anti-d's work  - I read that thanks.)

I have a mutual friend who told me about a study she was involved in for anxiety and I went and got tested and took all the tests. I;m like in the 98thpercentile of depressed and anxious people. I know that the anxiety and depression is killing my job search, but all else (home organization, health, personal hygiene, interest in other activiites) is normal for me. I'm supposed to start tomorrow but I am having my doubts.

What if I get worse on them? I dont have anyone that I see on a regular basis, except checking in with this doctor once a week. What happens if I get worse? No one would notice until my next appointment. I could also get much worse and not be able to look for work at all.

What if I get a job or meet someone I like while on them? I won't be sure they like me for me, since I'll be medicated. And, if I feel better, will I be lulled into a situation that isnt right for me?   If I have a better attitude, will that stay or will I get a job, seem Ok and then crash?

What if they dont work at all or I dont adjust well to feeling better? And, how can I really feel any better if nothing external changes for me? That would almost seem delusional to feel better while everything else in life is a mess.

Anyway, at this moment, I want to email my contact there and say thanks, but no thanks. I am scheduled to start the meds tomorrow, but I am filled with so much doubt and anxiety, I am afraid to start. I just dont think its right for me.

Please post as I dont know what to do. Thanks.

Hopalong:
Hi Ales,

A quick gut response I have is that your flood of scary questions is the anxiety talking.

I was prescribed anti-Ds when my anxiety was out of control and they helped tremendously. I took them on and off for years. Now, I've been off them for several years. I am older.

You are not static. If you choose to take them, you always have the choice to stop.

The other thing I can say is, remember: You do not have to take them forever. You could choose to take them for now.

Personally, I think you deserve some relief.

I don't think anti-Ds ruin people. When I first took some Rx for mental/emotional illness...I distinctly remember having a "lightbulb" moment about my previous refusal.

I had the thought, "I am tired of being a hero."

(In my own mind, it had been heroic to suffer. To tough it out.)

In a simpler society, with such acute anxiety and pain, a healer would prescribe roots or herbs for you.

These Rx, for all their faults and misuse...are our herbs.

Good luck with this decision, and whichever way you decide...be kind to yourself.

Hops

sKePTiKal:
We can't know the unknown, Ales -- ahead of time. No one can say for sure how you'll feel, what will be better or what worse, or if you won't notice a difference at all. That's kinda the beauty of the fact that we're all unique. The "you" that you think/feel you are is allowed to change... even for YOU. I had to learn to not be afraid of that. (OK, I'm still learning...)

I relate to your anxiety (have my own flying monkeys) about whether you'll still be and feel like "you", after the drug begins to take effect. That's exactly how I feel about finally quitting smoking. What if I become a flaming bitch and the trade-off for not smoking is that I alienate my small, but growing network of friends and family??

On the other hand - you KNOW exactly how you feel right now, and from your inquiries into the study it would appear that you at least are curious about whether you would be one of those helped by this drug. Knowing what you know about you - now - do you expect improvement to just "happen"? Or, are you willing to dedicate serious effort to change, on your own? I'm talking an all-inclusive obsession with "getting better" and healing. Can you really afford that? What are the cost/benefits of that, versus a short-term run of a drug that would appear to have some possibility of helping?

IF - one of your main goals right now is employment... and you feel your anxiety is what is getting in the way... and you have inquired as to whether you might receive a benefit in this area, from the docs doing the study (I would think you'd want some hope from them, that their drug would help you -- as a condition of participation; not a guarantee... just a probability or liklihood)... then, it's time to ask them whether you have the option to stop at any point in the process.

IF you decide to go ahead and participate, for your own sake - journal each day - specifically about the drug and any changes you notice. The journal can become your "bread crumb" trail... like Hansel and Gretl... it will reflect back to you how you feel, whether you feel "out of control", or better... and the anxiety receding... confidence building... you need that kind of data to feel comfortable, I think -- I know I would!! I think most of these drugs take a week or two to really build up and become effective in one's system... so the journal should capture the slightest change, don't you think?

Or start a thread (or use this one)... to check in with someone every day. I know you want to feel "safe", kiddo. I know I would!! I would think that the folks doing the study would also be interested in protecting your well-being and would need to monitor that on a daily basis to detect (early) any changes... and intervene for your safety, at the earliest point possible if something goes awry. When a system like that is in place... then the decision is simply a personal one:

try it and maybe like it.... or not...
but you'll never know unless you try it...

there are non-drug options to managing anxiety; I've learned a good many of these... but even after years of practice, I still have my meltdown moments... I've simply accepted them and my hubs has learned how to help me and what the warning signs are. Over time, they are less frequent and less intense. But it doesn't seem as if you have the luxury to wait on "slow change". Let us know what you decide to do!

Lollie:
Hi, Ales.

One more question, and my apologies if this makes you anxious: What if you get the placebo?

It sounds to me like you are a bit more open to taking meds. Would it be out of the realm of possibility to talk to your T, then find a Pdoc, and have your meds prescribed and monitored the "old fashioned way"?

I'm not sure what the value of taking part in a clinical study would be...unless you're feeling pressured by your friend?

Just a thought.

Wishing you some peace,
Lollie.

Ales2:
Hi Lollie -

To answer your question - there is no placebo. Patients get one of 2 actual FDA approved meds - because they are testing something else. I'm being monitored through blood tests and other objective indicators (for study confidentiality can't say what) but it was the major enticement to me since they are looking at more than mood and self reporting. Cant really talk to my T anymore, I think that door is closed now.

Thanks so much Hops and Phoenix for the thoughts. I agree w/ you Hops, I could use the relief and like Phoenix said, I can try it. I can drop out of the study if it doesnt go well and its only 8 weeks. Maybe not even enough time to see if they will work for me.

Thanks for the responses. I decided to do it and will start today.

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