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need quick advice

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Ales2:
I guess what I am really afraid of is that it wont work and that my problems are insurmountable and I should just accept this as who I am. Some people are meant to live happy and well adjusted lives and I am just not.

Ales2:
Went to my check up appointment. They do several tests including an interview that was painful. Its hard for me to verbalize my feelings of despair and hopelessness. It makes me feel worse. Its like reopening a wound each time I go there. I wonder how the wound is supposed to heal (I guess thats what the medication is for). I come home feeling drained and its almost like the label of "depressed" makes me feel worse.  I just want to go lay down.

Hopalong:
it's not a character judgment, really!
Docs don't feel the weight of the label, but just try to think of it the same way you would when a mechanic starts using scary (expensive) words like "transmission">

Years ago, it'd have been called "melancholia".

It's part biochem, and maybe part sanity. You know?

Don't fixate on the word, focus on being opening to the possibility of feeling better.
(And most SSRIs, as I recall, take about 6 weeks to reach effective blood levels...so, patience will help...)

Maybe in about 6 weeks you'll wake up one morning and NOT feel like attacking yourself.

Then you'll know it's helping!

love,
Hops

sKePTiKal:

--- Quote ---Its hard for me to verbalize my feelings of despair and hopelessness. It makes me feel worse. Its like reopening a wound each time I go there.
--- End quote ---

Well. Of course it makes you feel worse! You are absolutely correct that you are re-opening a wound. This all by itself, does help drain some of the toxic stuff out of the wound. But it's not enough, really. You need the antibiotic; the compassion, the caring about you and how you feel... before the wound starts to heal from the inside out. It's like a nutritional deficiency... like when people crave vitamin-c rich foods... only it's an emotional deficiency. You crave the connection, caring, and ability to rely on another person to care for you...

you need this antidote which has no known physical interactions or side effects in conjunction with whatever chemical cocktail they've given you.... with or without the chemicals, this antidote works -- over time. There is no known "instant gratification" mind-changing substance to (guaranteed) make you "feel better" except maybe laughing gas. You can safely seek this "antidote" at the same time, to help supplement and kick-start the drugs... and perhaps after the study and drug is over, continued seeking and obtaining this emotional nutrition over time will "cure" you.

Here's a sample:

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Ales2)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

It will be OK; it will be alright. Keep breathing!

Ales2:
Thanks Hops and Phoenix.

I just got back from my check in/interview in the depression study. I'm in week two and I'm pissed.  Here is wh:

I asked about my belief that people have set happiness/depression set points - i.e a genetic factor that makes them what they are. So, I asked if they were doing the genetic testing, would I get to find out my own results. Evidently NOT.  It was explained to me that I am known as a research number and no feedback is given. I'm pissed. I feel EXPLOITED. What is the point of my participating in the study if I can't learn about myself? Oh, yeah, free medication.
Did I say I feel EXPLOITED.

I was frustrated because my interviewer didnt seem to understand that I'm 43 and have a longing to have my own family. Not having a family is basically a life half lived. I'm terrified to go back to work because my life will be out of balance again and it doesn't solve my weekends and holiday loneliness.


Anyway, I doubt this stuff is helping at all and I am ready to quit the study. I feel very much that its my mistake to have my wellbeing and happiness into an outside source again.  I'm going to wait until next wednesday when I have to go back, but will probably quit the study. I dont see how it can possibly help me.

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