Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

need quick advice

<< < (3/9) > >>

sKePTiKal:

--- Quote ---I was frustrated because my interviewer didnt seem to understand that I'm 43 and have a longing to have my own family. Not having a family is basically a life half lived. I'm terrified to go back to work because my life will be out of balance again and it doesn't solve my weekends and holiday loneliness.
--- End quote ---

Hi Hon...

Maybe the drug isn't going to effect any of these things you listed. Directly. Maybe indirectly - one thing leading to another - that's still a possibility... it's just impossible to predict the future, so I wouldn't bet the farm on it.

I do see that you have gotten a benefit, though. In that the list above is a real clear statement of "what you want". Damn, girl! You're allowed to want what you want! And knowing what that is, is half the problem solved already. The other half is a lot of work, some luck, and plain old chance.

Be careful tho'. It's kind of a mental trap to say - "I can only be happy IF _________." I could debate the validity of the idea that a family is absolutely necessary to a full life, too. (But, if it's what you want... ask yourself: what's STOPPING you? What are the steps to getting there?) And I admit, I don't understand how working will put your life out of balance. Can you explain that in some more detail? I know from experience, that working has been a great way to develop the kinds of relationships that spill over into off-hour friendships, romances, etc. Both hubs and I have lots of friends from "work" - though we haven't worked for a year or two now - that we still see and enjoy being with. I met my last 2 husbands through jobs I worked... including the current one. Even ex #2 was a long term relationship; it revolved around parenting since we did the "Brady Bunch thing" - his and my kids.

It sounds as if you were expecting help from the study and the researchers. I guess there was some lack of or miscommunication about what to expect for the duration? I can see why you're upset with them. I'd feel that way too if I was allowed to hope that participation would bring me a great benefit very quickly. However, it might be too soon to tell how the drug is/or will affect you... didn't someone say that it could take 6 weeks for it to build up in your body/brain?

Are you having any negative effects from the drug? Or something that you can't explain at all? Like sleeplessness, sleeping too much... etc?

I'm real sorry that you aren't getting any specific info about yourself from being a participant. I hear you and your desire for real help. Maybe you could try to find a therapist to augment and support and help you deal with (any) effects you might have from the drug? To do what being in the study isn't going to provide. And I'll share what I recently read about DNA and emotional/psychological/neuroscience stuff: your DNA (especially brain) itself can adapt and evolve in response to your environment. Genetics is no longer considered a "life sentence" or unchangable. (That said, it takes a long, long time and a lot of work... and being lucky and having other help, doesn't hurt, either!)

I wish there was something else I could do, Ales... other than just play devils advocate here. I'm just trying to feed back some of what I'm hearing you say... and show it from another perspective. Maybe that'll help find the answers you want. (I can only hope so). I am listening... so keep venting! And here's another hug for good measure...


(((((((((((((((((((((((((Ales2)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Ales2:
I'm going to quit the study. It wont help. Thanks for the advice, Phoenix.

Hopalong:
Hi Ales,
I thought I posted this but mebbe I goofed.

I am sorry to hear you're quitting so quickly, before blood levels have a chance to change and affect your depression.

Your thought is a pre-determination that you cannot be helped... If so, you might be right.

On the other hand, your thought might be the depression talking (the voice or thought patterns of depression itself can sabotage new paths, or healing).
Your thought, "It cannot help me" -- especially so early in -- could possibly be incorrect.

I don't know.

It's hard to think of a "thought pattern" as an actual symptom (rather than ideas me-myself am rationally generating).
That realization was a revelation to me in reading about alcoholism.

Later, I realized the exact same thing is true for some thought cycles in depression. Some thoughts are more symptom than reasoning.
In clinically real depression -- I found that my own ruminating negative thinking was often not helpful -- or, as it turned out, accurate. (Not that ALL my thoughts made no sense, but that the symptomatic ones that actually impeded/blocked/irrationally ruled out possibility--were mixed in with the "smart stuff".)

Perhaps the SSRIs (with or without data you have decided you must have to receive benefit from participating) could -- might still -- be a way of detouring your depressive symptoms to some relief.

The objective thing I'm thinking about is that quitting before there's a biological chance for them to affect you means you choose not to give your body/brain a chance to find out.

It is certainly a free choice. I might make the same choice if I were you. But I wonder if you'd like to analyse that thought (It cannot help me) one level further. Simple as the thought sounds, it does have more than one meaning. Perhaps, it might help you to look at that specific thought more closely:

I am choosing to quit. It is my free choice.
This choice is also reflecting, in addition to freedom, the fact that I am not willing to give the SSRI time to affect me.

versus...
It -- the study, an external thing -- I will think about as another example of something letting me down, crushing hopes, proving to me the accuracy of my (depressive) belief that I cannot be helped.

In the "I choose to quit" example above, freedom is critical.
What I propose is that you invite yourself to own (without any self-criticism) the second half of what it is. It's fine to choose not to give it time. You absolutely can decide that. But not wanting to give it time (or endure the waiting) is a different reason than, "I already know what the outcome is."

I already know what the outcome is the thought that sounds to me like depression talking.

Do you think there is a possibility that you have closed the door on something for yourself?

Sending strength,
Hops

Ales2:
the only good thing so far is that i have absolutely lost my appetite and any interest in food at all. it makes my existing insomnia worse. not sure how long  can stand that.

hops - i will answer your post next ....

Meh:
Ales2:

My opinion is that one has to take research studies with a grain of salt. Typically they are collecting data eventually into aggregate form (no faces, no names). Research is very statistical and impersonal. The published results of the study will inform future treatment methods, the goal is to collect data not to cure you. I'm sorry for saying this, it just sounds as if you have put a large amount of hope in the results of this study on your personal situation when usually they are trying to extract something very statistical and broad in nature, it's probably not a substitute for individual treatment.   IMO

They do entice people because it's how they get compensated. People need to think there is a reward.
Some people get involved in research because they want to further knowledge and that is probably the most reasonable expectation to get out of a study is to know that you have contributed to an increased knowledge base on a subject.

PS:

You stated that the medication has been researched and now they are looking at a different aspect (not the efficacy of the meds) with the particular study your in.

I guess you just determine how long you are willing to try out the medication and then decide if it is working for you or not.

I tried Prozac long time ago, Paxil, Wellbutrin, Zoloft.
Now I am not on anything because I'm pissed off! But that's just me. The Wellbutrin worked the best for me so I did take that for a number of years and it helped me through my workaholic years. The main result that I noticed was that I got more tasks accomplished but it didn't make me "happy" just more productive or focused.

Trying to find help and figuring out what the "right" help is has been very frustrating for me also. Wish you better luck.

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page

[*] Previous page