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sKePTiKal:
So, a month or so ago I finally had my "aha moment" about how/why/where in my feelings - and why again... I was one of those people who was OCD about self-harm and self-sabotage. After all those years picking up and looking under rocks... and moving on to the next rock... it was like a switch had finally started to shift. And while I had (and still have) my tredipations about the unknown... I knew I was finally entering into the time when I could finally "do" something different and still be me.

Well, go figure! There are side effects.

I'm one of those who express feelings that weren't allowed to be voiced, physically, with psychosomatic symptoms. Since this "phase" began I've had a lot of pain in an ankle (but recall no injury)... and an ugly, itchy rash that's just loads of fun in extreme heat. I've been actively treating both of these issues at home and making progress. Finding what works for relief and healing.

The other side effect might just be beyond me right now. For a week, I've been processing something in my dreams - and I've been waking up feeling as if I've just spent 8 hours struggling to survive; fighting tooth and nail and not always winning. I've dreamt horrible images of physical medical torture; continuous bullying and browbeating cruelty; of being surrounded by a person(s) whose mission in life is to make every conscious moment of my life sheer mental, emotional and physical agony. As if I were a donor for Dr. Frankenstein (or Frawnkensteen... if you prefer!) or thown into a group of people, who've decided I'd make a wonderful sacrifice to some particularly nasty god.

I've woken up hubs, talking in my sleep. My dream memory was of screaming at myself... or some representation of myself or maybe those people around me, hurting me, in my dreams. I don't know. For once in my life, my ability to remember whole sequences of dreams isn't working right now. I can only remember snippets - single images - and some of those are so gory I can't inflict them on you all. There are gross things; lots and lots and lots of "symbols" - both societal and personal symbols - and here's the really ODD thing: I don't wake up emotionally upset or with any "feeling" other than being tired of the subject matter; maybe emotional exhaustion - like "oh THAT again..."

Perhaps I'm a little unsettled; my "normal" reaction is to worry about things like this and pick it apart until I derive what's going on with me. But with this I'm not sure where to start - nor do I "feel" that there's anything to be "done" about it... more that it's a temporary phase that I sort of have to pass through; put up with and then, when it's over - I'll feel like my work is finished; done.

Anyway, I wondered if anyone else had ever had an experience like this during their work/journey. I guess part of my brain is telling me I feel kind like a weirdo for going through this... but ultimately, I am strangely sure that it's all part of a "good thing".

Hopalong:
((((((((((PR))))))))))

The thing that comes to mind is when a trusted writing professor said to us: "There is no such thing as a 'bad' dream. A nightmare is a safety valve for your psyche. Your subconscious needs to process something, and the dream state is how it can do that..."

It's not psychosis, but it sounds disturbing and hard.

I'm glad you have such faith in the journey, and trust in your own processing.

A hurricane blowing hard in your mind. And this weather will pass.

So many physical things, maybe your body is calling you for you to be IN it.
Maybe the intense brain activity is out of balance, and the thinking is racing, almost?

Gentle swimming, an hour twice a day? Might not help the rash but probably everything else?

Just thoughts, gently...

Hops

BonesMS:
I'm also experiencing similar stuff with dreams and, IMO, I think it is the psyche working out all the old issues of being trapped in a Hell-Hole with the Rage-aholic NWombdonor for years.  What I started doing was writing down the images I saw then going back to sleep.  I've found it helps taking all of those notes and writing a story where the abused person WINS in spite of the abusers.

Does that make sense?

Bones

Guest:
Had a couple of dreams a week or so ago which made some sense; wandering around a luxury house of criminals, CCTV in every room and hallway, I was trying to 'save' someone or something, got caught up with them temporarily, somehow it all worked out and I had my opportunity to tear a strip off them for their criminal ways. I think some were criminals, others were 'not realising what they were doing' and were therefore innocent. Made some sense at the time. I felt pretty much in control (of myself) which is a lot different to dreams of years ago. Thankfully I don't talk in my sleep, except to argue that I am, in fact not snoring (quite vigorous arguing, apparently).

I don't have nightmares any more. Vivid, sometimes violent dreams, but not those where you wake up drenched with a racing heart wondering where the predator is. But then I did give up cheese before bedtime. As for psychosomatic symptoms, I've had atopic eczema on my calves and feet for maybe a year or so now, but then it does move about the body. I've not been completely free of it, as though it has to come out somewhere. I used to get shower hives; still do sometimes. I guess my skin is sensitive. Insects love me. Maybe that's why I don't like too much close contact? I was reading that sometimes people can get hives from vibrations. That amazed me. Sorry PR, off topic, so:

Yeah, oh that again, I recognise that. And:

--- Quote ---more that it's a temporary phase that I sort of have to pass through; put up with
--- End quote ---
Most things are temporary (and feel like it to me).

--- Quote ---and then, when it's over - I'll feel like my work is finished; done.
--- End quote ---
I don't know if we're ever finished. I'll let you know if that happens!

Oh wait:

--- Quote ---thown into a group of people, who've decided I'd make a wonderful sacrifice to some particularly nasty god.
--- End quote ---
I had those dreams years ago. I remember one dream too, about my mother sacrificing me, which was spot on, this was years ago too. I don't dream about her any more. Interesting.

Maybe I have administration rights over my own dreams these days. :lol:

 8) Frawnkensteen, for sure. 8)

edit
--- Quote ---I am strangely sure that it's all part of a "good thing".
--- End quote ---
Once I got past that stage, it didn't matter. It's passing time. What's important to me is to know the difference between what helps and what hurts. So long as it doesn't hurt, oh I don't know. My base line for 'bad thing' is so damn low, most things seem not too bad. I don't know, but I don't mind that I don't know. Such crap happens in the world. People are so awful. Anyway.

sKePTiKal:
Thanks all. I'm not emotionally affected by the dreams - they've been going on for awhile now. Not a lot of old anxiety symptoms, either... or at least none I don't recognize before I go rolling off down the slippery slope. I immediately just STOP and sit the energy out... or like Hops suggests - go get some exercise and move my body. I have been very much more in my body - thanks to the itching (damn it!) and hobbling around with my ankle. I've also been connecting a lot with people - more than ever, it seems - just for the pleasure of it.

I guess I wondered if this might be sort of the "end of the journey"... where "the work" shifts from daily awareness to the unconscious, and the processing there is only noticeable to me like this... dreams, physical symptoms. And I suppose the overall tenor of helplessness, powerlessness against the "torture" is something I've unconsciously been clinging to - attachment and all that. And now, I'm unconsciously going through the "story" again... while my unconscious self decides: cling or let go. Hmmm. Guess I won't try to influence its decision - as if that were possible!! Perhaps just wait it out. See what happens next.

Hives from vibrations, FW? Like negative vibrations causing hives? That sounds a lot like my hive reaction to overwhelming anxiety -- which was brought on, you know by massive negative vibrations in my Greek FOO Tragedy. My mom told me at the time, I was allergic to chocolate. LOL.... funny, because when I would go on a chocolate binge... it never brought on hives. But any time I went through any kind of HUGE life change (and there have been successive ones)... yup; I'd break out. Especially, when I "dared" to do something that was just for "me, myself and I"... and there was a good probability someone else (like mom) would make me pay an emotional price for it.

As far as I know - I'm not involved in anything like that at the moment. I've even put the brakes on pursuing getting untangled from my bro for the time being -- giving myself a break from pressure of making that huge a decision/taking that huge a risk. Checking off things elsewhere on the list - LOTS of things.

Maybe I'm just being TOO NICE to myself!!!! LOL......  actually, that's not bad as a theory. If I'm not allowing myself to feel guilty about resting my ankle - instead of slaving in the yard and then needing hours of ice & elevation - maybe my unconscious is all freaked out about "breaking the rules", you know? Maybe my unconscious is having an anxiety attack...   or -- maybe I have no friggin' clue what's going on with me!


LOL. I just wondered if anyone else had a long stretch of these awful dreams... processing out something toxic in one's system. That's what I really think is happening - dreams and body sloughing off poisons.

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