Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Setting boundaries
Redhead Erin:
Hey Phoenix!
Did I tell you I always loved that name?
I am going to have to call her this morning and tell her that a courier will be coming to pick up the check. I found a company in her town that charges only $20 a trip. All I need is for somebody to get the check and mail it. Otherwise she will repeatedly "forget". She did that with my son's college fund, to the point that we came within a day of getting the whole thing cancelled. and getting kicked out of the program.
I am SO not looking forward to this.
Redhead Erin:
Well, I don't know why I dreaded that. I called and told her how much she owed us and that she a courier would come for the check.
NM: "Oh, I don;t know about that. My friend is taking me out to lunch!"
Me: "OK< then while you are out, put the check in the mail box."
NM: "Ummm...."
Me: "I will call you tonight and make sure you did it. If you do not mail the check TODAY, the courier will be there tomorrow to pick it up. DO you understand?"
SO she made a big point of writing down the Exact amount I told her and then asking how to spell our last name! Wow... I've only been married to this guy for 9 years...Was that supposed to be some sort of barb about how little I mean to her, or how little she thinks of my marriage? Or did she wat to shoe me just how forgetful and pathetic an old woman she is? Or is she really JUST THAT STUPID? :shock:
She always gets very docile when she knows she is beaten. I have no doubt she'll try something else again n the near future, as soon as she thinks up another tactic. I don't care. She has to die sometime and meanwhile, I'm getting better and better at this game.
sKePTiKal:
Erin - my mom still can't remember my hubby's name (12 years this year)... and I showed up unexpectedly a couple years back to visit her... and she didn't even recognize me. It just goes with the territory - as much as it irritates us - we just simply don't exist until they think up a reason to "need" us... more for the N-supply than any real relationship.
Either way: we're always cheated out of the "normal" share of what happens when two people relate, when one of them is that N.
Redhead Erin:
Well, so much for her "helping" with kiddo's birthday. He wanted a train set that cost $150. He (my son) went to my mom and told her he wanted her to help him buy it, that he had $70 saved up and would she pay the other half. She agreed to this.
GC Bro-whatever and his family are in town this week, and Kiddo's other cousin, a nice girl who is becoming a pawn in her parents' divorce, was in her mother's custody this weekend, and so if we wanted to have a party with most of his cousins there, this would be the day to do it. Kiddo wanted horseback riding and pizza for his special day. Expensive, but doable. My dumb lazy SIL didn't even want to bring her kids out to the stable (too far) until I twisted her arm about it, but that is another story.
Well, my hubs wound up having to work all weekend. We asked Bro-Whatever to take my mom to the model train store and pick up the train set, which was being held at the counter for us. Because Bro, NM, and the train store are all in the same town, 90 minutes' drive from us.
So here is where it gets weird. Bro gets my husband in a 3-way call with the guy at the train store. It becomes apparent he is trying to take charge or in some way exert control over the situation. Whatever, they do get the train and get it wrapped (by the girl who does my mothers errands. This was told to us as if it was significant; I have no idea why). NM rides down to the party with Bro and his family. She does not speak the entire time, except when Kiddo goes up to her at the end of the party to thank her, she reminds HIM that she is only paying for half of the train. Except for hello and goodbye, I believe that was the only thing she said to any of us.
Bro also reminded us about it, at least twice.
Remember earlier when she said she wanted to help with the party, buy kiddo a gift, etc? Nope! Just one more thing she conveniently "offered" then forgot about. She did not, however, forget that an 11 year old kid owed her $80! (Hubs and I paid it, of course. I could not let my kid spend his aluminum can money on his own birthday present!)
I just cannot get over the pettiness and selfishness of this. My mother pisses away money like its water. She spends lavishly on whatever she feel like, usually restaurant meals that she wants, then considers we should all be grateful to her. She will spend hundreds of dolllars on stuff for which she has no real need, but will begrudge a kid $80.
I am about done with this. I could still use my monthly allowance, but I no longer need it to live. Therefore, I think I would rather work a few extra shifts than have to deal with her any more. I can send a courier once a month to pick up my son's college fund check, for the same as it would cost me to drive up there. She has never kept a promise in all her life, but I intend to "help" her keep the promise she made to my son, that he would have his college fund paid for. Otherwise, I don't think I will see her for a while. I am even considering letting my son go on vacation this summer, but staying back myself.
Regardless, I know damn well that as soon as GC bro-whatever is out of town, she will be on the phone crying and begging me to come over. But you know what? I will not be able to go because I will have to work. Even if I don't. NC is coming. It has been coming for a long time. I don't care.
BonesMS:
--- Quote from: Redhead Erin on April 01, 2012, 12:12:31 AM ---Well, so much for her "helping" with kiddo's birthday. He wanted a train set that cost $150. He (my son) went to my mom and told her he wanted her to help him buy it, that he had $70 saved up and would she pay the other half. She agreed to this.
GC Bro-whatever and his family are in town this week, and Kiddo's other cousin, a nice girl who is becoming a pawn in her parents' divorce, was in her mother's custody this weekend, and so if we wanted to have a party with most of his cousins there, this would be the day to do it. Kiddo wanted horseback riding and pizza for his special day. Expensive, but doable. My dumb lazy SIL didn't even want to bring her kids out to the stable (too far) until I twisted her arm about it, but that is another story.
Well, my hubs wound up having to work all weekend. We asked Bro-Whatever to take my mom to the model train store and pick up the train set, which was being held at the counter for us. Because Bro, NM, and the train store are all in the same town, 90 minutes' drive from us.
So here is where it gets weird. Bro gets my husband in a 3-way call with the guy at the train store. It becomes apparent he is trying to take charge or in some way exert control over the situation. Whatever, they do get the train and get it wrapped (by the girl who does my mothers errands. This was told to us as if it was significant; I have no idea why). NM rides down to the party with Bro and his family. She does not speak the entire time, except when Kiddo goes up to her at the end of the party to thank her, she reminds HIM that she is only paying for half of the train. Except for hello and goodbye, I believe that was the only thing she said to any of us.
Bro also reminded us about it, at least twice.
Remember earlier when she said she wanted to help with the party, buy kiddo a gift, etc? Nope! Just one more thing she conveniently "offered" then forgot about. She did not, however, forget that an 11 year old kid owed her $80! (Hubs and I paid it, of course. I could not let my kid spend his aluminum can money on his own birthday present!)
I just cannot get over the pettiness and selfishness of this. My mother pisses away money like its water. She spends lavishly on whatever she feel like, usually restaurant meals that she wants, then considers we should all be grateful to her. She will spend hundreds of dolllars on stuff for which she has no real need, but will begrudge a kid $80.
I am about done with this. I could still use my monthly allowance, but I no longer need it to live. Therefore, I think I would rather work a few extra shifts than have to deal with her any more. I can send a courier once a month to pick up my son's college fund check, for the same as it would cost me to drive up there. She has never kept a promise in all her life, but I intend to "help" her keep the promise she made to my son, that he would have his college fund paid for. Otherwise, I don't think I will see her for a while. I am even considering letting my son go on vacation this summer, but staying back myself.
Regardless, I know damn well that as soon as GC bro-whatever is out of town, she will be on the phone crying and begging me to come over. But you know what? I will not be able to go because I will have to work. Even if I don't. NC is coming. It has been coming for a long time. I don't care.
--- End quote ---
That REALLY sucks when the N%$#@ attempts to screw over an 11-year-old grandkid without any remorse!
Bones
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