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Anyone here think they are CoDependent?

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Ales2:
I read Melody Beattie's books over Thanksgiving and starting attending CoDA Meetings. Beattie's books were the best thing for me - very therapeutic.

Anyone else here identify with CoDependence?

JustKathy:
No. I have made the mistake of marrying Ns, twice, but I don't think that's co-dependency as much as it's bad judgment, which is the result of bad parenting by an N mother. Now, my brother, the GC, married an N and is totally co-dependent. Maybe the difference is that he happily ate up everything his mother taught him and showed him about "life," while I ran screaming at age 17. But no, I don't believe I have those tendencies, thank goodness.

BonesMS:
"Co-Dependent No More" was one of the first books I read, early in my recovery back in the 1980's and coming to understand what it meant to be an Adult Child of an Alcoholic in a Dysfunctional family.  (I didn't know about Narcissistic Personality Disorder yet.)  In the context of Alcoholic Families, I can say "Yes" I was a co-dependent until the blinders came off.

Bones

sKePTiKal:
I think I have been co-dependent, Ales. The last vestiges that I'm working on is my "needing to be needed" urge... because it was the  way I discovered I could "matter" - be important - to other people. That shows up in my posts here, don't ya think?

Another way I fit that general description, was my outrage & anger at my FOO. For a long time, I needed to stay involved with that crap simply to have justification for my anger. When I realized the anger was a disguise for deep grief; an emotional loss so traumatic it almost literally shook me apart... and started to really grieve that... boundaries were easier; the anger and touchy over-sensitivivity to "insult" nature dissapated... and I actually started to allow myself to enjoy things again and appreciate the little things all around me that I was grateful for.

I think those characteristics probably have a lot to do with my issues with hubs, too. Because it was my primary relationship and therefore what felt normal, I keep trying to superimpose it on all my other relationships - and DUH, Amber - that just doesn't work. It doesn't help that hubs might lean that way, too.

SO: what does your book say about the difference between true caring and intimacy and co-dependence, Ales? How do we tell them apart? Where is the line... when a behavior starts to drift over to the "dark side"?

JustKathy:
After reading through everyone's comments, I'm thinking I should read this book. I may have Co traits that I'm not conscious of, or am mistaking for something else. This book sounds very informative and definitely worth a read.

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