Experiment - for what it's worth

[sKePTiKal]

I have a theory about that.
I too, have had panic attacks ... and for awhile, I couldn't go to concerts because I couldn't breathe when I was in the crowd of people. When it occurs - for me - as a result of meditation, moving or otherwise... it's because I've stopped (or been distracted from) left brain awareness dominating right brain awareness. I've been working on ways to simply balance that and try to have both accessible.

Another way to describe it, is that before I knew what was "percolating up" in my consciousness - Twigs/inner child memories - some really awful disturbing - and totally out of context with my present circumstances - feelings started to invade my awareness. There wasn't anything in my present that reminded me or triggered me... what it was... was that I relaxed, was having fun, feeling whole and comfortable... and THAT'S what triggered the freak-outs. That was the taboo I lived under for so long - that the moment I thought I was "safe" - I would experience a SHTF life-threatening storm. It was linked - magically - in my kid-brain to letting go and relaxing... because there was no other explanation for why I was responsible for the storm... as I was told and made to feel, that it was all my fault.

Go figure.

[Hopalong]

I understand that, Boat...while my anxiety was at its worst, or so easily triggered, things like meditation would make it worse.

I found over time I had to approach it not as directly as with "this activity is focused on improving my mental state." Instead, I had to come at it more sideways, by filling up more of my time with more positive things, and just wait for their natural effects...to change the anxiety.

I think that is what happened. Over time, a bunch of small indirect choices that were healthier, cured the anxiety and depression. One direct thing was literal 'thought stopping." It involved things as simple as saying to myself firmly, "STOP IT" when I began obsessing down a negative track.

But every time I tackled it frontally, things got better. (Meditation always backfired, but hypnosis was amazing.)

love
Hops