Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Hopalong on August 26, 2013, 06:52:40 AM
-
Happens every August and I'm always slow to recognize it...
I am depressed.
Not crashed into a well or impossibly depressed, but...depressed.
I want to do nothing but sleep and binge on carbohydrates.
I feel unmotivated. Flattened. I can see my own affect going flat.
A what's-the-point kind of sadness.
Ugh.
I know that if it goes as it usually does, by later in the fall it will
pass. It's just weird. I don't like it that my brain has its own agenda.
I've been thinking of getting a new SAD light (gave one away, lost
another in the move) but I cannot, simply can't, find clear reassurance
online that there's no risk of eye damage.
That WOULD be depressing.
xo
Hops
-
((((((((((((((((((((((((Hopsie)))))))))))))))))))))))))))
That sounds horrible. I didn't know those light boxes can cause eye damage; if I find anything useful or reassuring when I'm on my travels on the internet I will post it up for you. Hope this passes soon. I think slipping into hibernation mode is normal but that doesn't make it feel nice or like a good thing to happen. Hope you feel better soon xx
-
I also live with Seasonal Affective Disorder. NOT fun at all!!!
-
Yah, saw some red leaves the other day, couldn't believe it. This was the most unbearable waste of summer I've ever had that is what depresses me the most.
There is always Florida for those who can afford it I guess.
You could probably wear some sun glasses and sunblock if you were really worried about the impact of the light therapy. ?? It's not like a tanning booth exactly.
Sorry you are in a Fall funk.
-
Hey Hops...
I notice a little of that, too. But I wonder if it if isn't natural... a sort of shift of states along with the season... and perhaps even serves some "soul refreshment" purpose? Like a catnap?
I always worry that those people who are always busy, happy, and chirpy every single day like some manic canary have some serious screws loose, somewhere. Either that, or a main IV line drip of coffee to keep going... or really, really good meds.
Fall is my favorite season. I absolutely love being able to see the change, day to day. And pretend I "hear" a leaf falling (down here, it's more like a hard pine cone bouncing off a roof!)... it's a nice change from the raucous, happy-chaos activity of summer; more peaceful... with an undercurrent of change, too - to crisper evenings, the hint of snow... when I like to have some yummy-smelling casserole or roast in the oven, a good book and a warm cuddly lap cat... or maybe a long movie with glorious scenery and cinemaphotography... like Doctor Zhivago -- an epic, with an intermission and a real story in it, not just a formula to use up X amount of time.
-
You too, Bones? Does yours ease up after a while too?
I know that will happen. Especially if I keep up the a.m. walks...
Thanks Tupp. It's not ghastly, but is real. I'm always surprised
by it but am a bit better at remembering...this too shall pass.
It really is physical (meaning, brain chemistry from the light change)
but also, I know what's coming (hellidays). So there's an emotional
element as well.
Skep, your great images remind me that one new element in my
life will make this winter MUCH cozier. LB's idea of paradise is very
simple: my lap. She's 20 pounds of love, and she's a furnace. I'll
stick my legs on the coffee table and get into a good slouch and haul
her up and she plasters herself all over my torso and goes to sleep.
I am a human dog bed. But in winter? It'll be sweet...
Oh Boat. Wish we could both sail south when the cold comes.
I'm sorry your summer slipped by you. I hope the next one will be
different. It will be... (Sunglasses would defeat the SAD lights, they
work by having light enter the retina. I can still walk outdoors...)
hugs to all, cheers me right up just to check in,
Hops
-
(Sunglasses would defeat the SAD lights, they
work by having light enter the retina. I can still walk outdoors...)
Hops
Ok, I did not know that, Hops.
But did they help when you were using them? Was it drastic helpful?
If they aren't safe, you can't use them, but darnit, if they really help it would be so hard not to!
Lighter
-
Yup, they absolutely work.
The light boxes were just amazing.
Pour that light into your eyes (sideways, avoiding frontal staring at it) for, say, 20 min. every morning...
just amazing.
It's like a stimulant without the jitters.
Totally real and feelable and noticeable mood changer.
I loved it!
But then...began to think about vision (have a friend w/degrading eyes) and starting searching,
and found a lot of contradictory stuff about what long-term use of the light boxes could do. Quit.
If I can find SURE info, objective and researched, that a specific type of bulb (not from the manufacturers
who are all selling THEIR spectrum of therapeutic light) is truly zero threat to vision, long-term, I'd be
plugged back in in a flash.
They're used heavily in Nordic countries by loads of people, during winter.
I have a Norwegian friend so I'll try to get info from her on what the consensus is there.
hugs
Hops
-
...and, I am very tempted by this one: http://www.sunnexbiotech.com/noframes/sad.html (http://www.sunnexbiotech.com/noframes/sad.html)
Desk-top model, I think.
Sticker shock.
:shock:
Hops
-
You too, Bones? Does yours ease up after a while too?
I know that will happen. Especially if I keep up the a.m. walks...
Thanks Tupp. It's not ghastly, but is real. I'm always surprised
by it but am a bit better at remembering...this too shall pass.
It really is physical (meaning, brain chemistry from the light change)
but also, I know what's coming (hellidays). So there's an emotional
element as well.
Skep, your great images remind me that one new element in my
life will make this winter MUCH cozier. LB's idea of paradise is very
simple: my lap. She's 20 pounds of love, and she's a furnace. I'll
stick my legs on the coffee table and get into a good slouch and haul
her up and she plasters herself all over my torso and goes to sleep.
I am a human dog bed. But in winter? It'll be sweet...
Oh Boat. Wish we could both sail south when the cold comes.
I'm sorry your summer slipped by you. I hope the next one will be
different. It will be... (Sunglasses would defeat the SAD lights, they
work by having light enter the retina. I can still walk outdoors...)
hugs to all, cheers me right up just to check in,
Hops
Oh yes. And then when the Hellidays are factored in....UGH!!!! :P
-
Yup, they absolutely work.
The light boxes were just amazing.
Pour that light into your eyes (sideways, avoiding frontal staring at it) for, say, 20 min. every morning...
just amazing.
It's like a stimulant without the jitters.
Totally real and feelable and noticeable mood changer.
I loved it!
But then...began to think about vision (have a friend w/degrading eyes) and starting searching,
and found a lot of contradictory stuff about what long-term use of the light boxes could do. Quit.
If I can find SURE info, objective and researched, that a specific type of bulb (not from the manufacturers
who are all selling THEIR spectrum of therapeutic light) is truly zero threat to vision, long-term, I'd be
plugged back in in a flash.
They're used heavily in Nordic countries by loads of people, during winter.
I have a Norwegian friend so I'll try to get info from her on what the consensus is there.
hugs
Hops
Some years ago, I participated in a clinical study on S.A.D. at NIH where they loaned me a light box. (It helped tremendously.) I'm wondering if NIH/NIMH has a published study on the long term uses of the S.A.D. light box and their effect on vision.
-
Oh yeah, you are right about the sun glasses. I remember reading now that not only do the eyes pick up the light ....but also that our brain can even interpret nuances of the suns angle to the earth or what degree the light is hitting our eyes or something odd like that. ARGH...it just started to RAIN outside!!! Bonk head on computer, I temporarily forgot what rain was. God I don't want this FALL to happen at all. GO AWAY AUTUMN....go away!!!!!!
Um, a human dog bed... LOL!!! okay Hops that works.
-
Bones, i think the "green light" one that I put the link to sounds pretty safe...
but I'm perking up with morning walks and spirulina...man, that's potent!
Feeling quite chipper this morning.
Boat, nature loves you no matter what the weather.
And the hellidays are ours to RESHAPE. Gonna do it every damn year
until they aren't so painful.
xxoo
Hops
-
Thanks, Hops.
-
Hopsie, are those lights different than the full spectrum daylight bulbs? I can't remember the brand name now, but the sewing shops started carrying them. I got one for doing art work - and used it even during the day - because the "color" of the light was "whiter", some days. (measured in degrees Kelvin... for the science geeks...)
I can't believe how I used to stay up all night - until the sun came up - working on art work. Now, I'm usually snoring on the couch by 9 pm. Funny how we change, without any intention to isn't it?
-
Hi Skep,
I think they are different...mainly it's the intensity.
The white light boxes use a very high intensity including blue, and the blue light boxes skip all but the blue wavelengths.
The green uses low intensity because the others use more intensity than is good for the eyes to ensure that lots
of blue wavelength get included. The green light theory is that the blue is to be avoided and green wavelength
will also do the trick.
Although at that link I included about the green light, there's a much more coherent explanation!
Thinking of trying one?
xo
Hops (and is it okay to use your previous initials in the body of a post if not the title? I will avoid that if you prefer.
I just found with Boat that I was attached to her name and she was okay with me continuing it. Don't want to assume
that for you though, and you had some security reasons. I just don't quite grasp how searches work, etc.)
-
Thanks, Hops...
No, I don't mind what you call me. I answer to most anything, having been called many, many different things in the past. (wrong name, bad names, ex-wife names etc) :shock:
Two letters are a whole lot easier to type, too!!!
It occurs to me - and may be a worthless idea - that maybe SAD has something to do with Vit D levels. Winters are usually so mild here, that much of the time, I'm still running around in shorter pants and short sleeves on the warmer days of the winter. And I'm more likely to spend most of my day outside, when it's 45 than than when it's 95. Friend of mine, has low Vit D. (I've not been a regular milk drinker since I was 12; and didn't develop a taste for yogurt until my kids were born; cheese on the other hand... :D)
Our bodies are so different... yet, according to "science" all the same. It's kind of amazing... like our DNA was collaged together, person by person, by a blind practical joker.
-
Thanks, PR! (I have a fondness for those initials because I once worked in PR...) Odd, isn't that?
Your own name is lovely too. Ancient, glowing, and among the greatest colors in nature.
I've been doing the D, and think my levels are pretty good.
You're right, so many people are D-deprived....
When fall actually gets rolling, the SAD starts to ease. I always adjust.
I wonder if the anticipation in August of what's coming is part of it. Since
I don't adjust SMOOTHLY. But it's lovely here, and LB is enjoying our walks,
and I'm enjoying more things than not. Can't complain much today (bear with me,
I will find something to complain about.)
My new, somewhat-less-disgusting morning shake is helping:
1 - 2 tbsp spirulina
apple
carrot
ginger
turmeric
red pepper
banana
berries or grapes
pea protein powder
agave nectar
It's more get-downable that when I was stuffing a lot of raw kale
in it (and I learned that maximal raw kale is bad for the thyroid).
Glug, hug,
Hops
-
Huh, interesting that it seems to pass after the season settles in.
Like a part of you is hypersensitive to the change in the environment and light. Since our house and back yard is a kind of mini-modern-stonehenge, I'm able to track the movement of where the sun comes up each morning in the sky over the ocean (way over THERE). I mark it against the trees. But I hadn't noticed how early it was getting dark - my ancient hippie hairdresser pointed it out - until this week.
I realized the other day, I haven't finished my saga about my D. I need to do that and I also need to call her and the boys and see how they're adjusting (boys went home; family being supervised for 6 months...). They have birthdays next month.
-
I realized the other day, I haven't finished my saga about my D. I need to do that and I also need to call her and the boys and see how they're adjusting (boys went home; family being supervised for 6 months...). They have birthdays next month.
Yes, sKep.
It's time for an update........ I didn't know the boys were back with their mother.
Hops, I'm wondering if spending more time out of doors helps any during season change? Is there data that shows spending an hour out of doors off sets the seasonal affect disorder?
Also, the allergy thing doesn't make change of seasons easier, esp if the light issue is a factor. We're jumping on the tramp with the cooler weather, but now I have a sore itchy throat, and drainage, while trying to discern any difference in mood. Bleck.
Lighter
-
PR, you're right...I'm very sensitive to light -- that's exactly why SAD happens.
My brain just reacts strongly, and hence, my mood. Way better now.
Lighter, you're right...first thing recommended is getting outside asap after
waking up, to soak up MORNING light (thru the retina to the brain). Though
earliest light is best for this I am a slow starter, so it ain't right after dawn.
But I do manage a mile or two with pooch before heading to work.
Helps a ton, and I've been walking pretty regularly for the last year.
Another reason I think I've started feeling better is unrelated to light, but
nutritional/anti-inflammatory. In addition to the deeeeezgusting shakes (a few
mornings a week) I'm taking a new supplement, Zyflamend. I have noticed
way less achiness in joints, etc. I'm going to stick with it. I take it mornings
and evenings. (If you try it, start with one daily, with a full meal and water.)
xo
Hops
-
I hear you, Hops.
It's been good for me to get outside with my furry friend early in the mornings.
WHen I don't, I notice it. You're right.... it makes a difference.
I'm paying attention to the children right now, but planning self care changes very soon.
On the list will be Zyflamend. Can you give me just a bit more info on it before I start research please?
Also, DOCK TEA will be on list to cleanse on cellular level for me. Mindful effort to eat LOTS of leafy greens consistently, which I really love anyway.
Those little baby kale salads make me pretty happy with fresh lime juice, unfiltered apple cider vinegar and pink Himalayan salt...... fresh spinach, and any dark green lettuce. MMM.
I'm getting over the flu just now.... feel like I'm in a box. Ears plugged up, allergies with contact lenses. ::sigh::
Lighter
-
Here you go Lighter,
http://www.amazon.com/Zyflamend-By-New-Chapter-Softgels/dp/B0009F3RW4 (http://www.amazon.com/Zyflamend-By-New-Chapter-Softgels/dp/B0009F3RW4)
I know testimonials aren't scientific evidence, but then again, Big Pharma can't make big bucks off herbs, so I consider a large volume of positive testimonials for some thing...as indicating a skeptical trial is worth it at times.
In my case, the morning soreness/stiffness is way reduced. So I think it's helping.
Hope you feel better soon!
Hops
-
Hi Hops - Have you ever tried sam-e? I am on my seocnd bottle - started at 200 mg now at 400mg per day. It really does help me alot. I get to the gym around 6 in the morning and have been doing weight lifting and cardio which also helps me alot.
Not if only I could kick the job search procrastination bug and find a new job.... ugh... seasonal unemployment disorder.....
-
Ales:
You don't have seasonal work-out-procrastination disorder. I'm impressed. Truly.
Hops:
I do feel better, but am exhausted from flushing my R ear out with ear drops and warm water for the last hour.
Whoo... kind of reminds me of my experience with the netti pot; )
::remembering my bemuaws 4yo holding her hand under the meager flow of water trickling out me nose::
You can't snort-laugh and NOT cut off the flow.
::shaking head::
Lighter
-
Lighter, I'm awed...have been eager to hear a front-line account about the [drumroll...] yeti-pot.
Badda-bing!
Hope you are desnottified and feeling better soon, or at least...breathing through breathing apertures.
Hi Ales, I'm soooooo awed about your workouts.
I don't think I'll add SAMe since for me, the side effect profile's too daunting. But I could up the
Zyflamend, I'm on a moderate dose of 2x/day and many people take up to 4x. I'm not on any
chondroitin product now so that would be another to add if arthritic stuff increases. I'm hoping to
hold it off.
I have failed at the gym. Just so difficult to add to a 9-hour + 40-min. commute day, which now
needs to include pooch walks. I still walk, nothing drastic during the week. But...I've bought a
Nordictrac mini-stepper for my office.
What I totally struggle with is MOTIVATION to get out and do it, or do it more. The stepper idea
is to combat the dangers of my sedentary job, which I've been feeling is literally rotting my body.
We have no stairs, and are in an isolated area where there's not much safe outdoor space for
walking other than a slanted parking lot (which hurts my back). So, my idea is, every hour, hop
on my stepper right in my cubicle and take 10-20 strides, to keep blood moving during the day.
I don't know why I don't DO it. It's doable. So...my battle is really with my own mind.
xo
Hops
-
Hops,
I always do better with work outs when they're "formal" affairs.
If I have to be at a regular place at a regular time, I'm there.
If I have all the freedom to willy nilly do whatever, I don't do anything.
Good to see you're doing something at the office. It's a start; )
Lighter
-
What I totally struggle with is MOTIVATION to get out and do it, or do it more.
I don't know why I don't DO it. It's doable. So...my battle is really with my own mind.
Right here you summed up my own frustration with myself. I wish I could spend the time to decode it... and figure out how to "rewrite" that obstacle in my brain!!!
My intuitive D, might have provided a clue yesterday. She was talking about a friend of hers who's been in therapy most of her life - and that (to a lesser degree) she's seen the same tendency in me too. That is - when an "issue" comes up - we tend to immediately seek shelter in cerebral analyzing of it from every angle possible... creating a structure of descriptions around it... etc... that kind of becomes a cage (or a protective cave).
Instead of just acknowledging "I feel this" -- and then going and digging a hole until one feels better. Physical exercise actually is the "antidote" (for me) for obsession, blowing molehills into mountains, all the little neurotic hamster paths my mind likes to repeat over & over. So I'm throwing the resistance/reluctance/procrastination/avoidance of physical exercise motivation into the same "problem basket" or "opportunity bag" as the self-care issue.
Is there something like that for you, too?
-
Exactly, PR! I'd MUCH rather spend days reading the latest research summaries on procrastination than...do what I need to do. If my job were digging rabbit holes on the internet...I'd be a CEO. (Still get away with a good bit of that, for which I'm thankful.)
hug
Hops
-
:LOL: :LOL:
The internet is satan!! It's the "fruit of knowledge"... and always there... always tempting me to allow myself to stay firmly rooted to this chair, running from website to website... filling my brain with other people's conversations, thoughts, or ideas... and allowing me a place to add my own, too. It is however, reassuring, to hear some of those other people talk. For me, it's like taking a survey of the collective consciousness to be privy to the forum postings of people "talking over the fence" to each other. Life going on - as it's supposed to. People telling their "minutiae" as Boat says... what they did yesterday; crabby old men solving the geo-political problems of the world and bemoaning the chances of survival of "young folks these days" (just like they did when I was 16) and the gossip - oh my; the internet is the ULTIMATE gossip grapevine - LOL....
We used to laugh at my step-dad... who at 90 could outwork all of us... because he'd squoosh down into his recliner and like a cat, wiggle around until it completely cuddled him... flip on the tv news... and within 5 minutes be totally asleep. I think the internet is kinda the same thing for me, at times. It drowns out - without overwhelming me - the usual stream of ear worms, and daily complaints (didn't I just vacumn that?), and even the "auto-pilot" instructions that I haven't been able to modify the code for in my head.
SOMA for the "always on" world. Too bad they don't make computer monitors that radiate the right light for SAD... hey - wait a minute! Lets do a kickstarter campaign - crowd source the idea - and announce an IPO in 18 months!! We'll all retire rich... LOL...
I got up waaaay too early this morning.
-
The stepper things can be kind of fun. music helps, really hyper annoying music helps
-
Love the stepdad story.
For me the internet is way more stimulating and "hooking" than a background TV...because I engage with it. Only write here, but with a couple mags/blogs, I'm deep into all the comments as well as the articles. What I need to do is WRITE with the same amount of time/dedication that I READ.
I do like the stepper thing Boat...at work, just hopping on for those 20 steps every hour feels amazing. Like I'm refusing to let them "get me."
Yucky stuff going on with Nboss who has a new acolyte, the new office manager sucks up to him like mad and I'm having to repress an instinctive dislike for her. Getting busy with my own work is the best alternative.
Monday. Ugh.
Have a decent day everybody
Hops
-
Yeah Bosses :( Do you write for your job Hops?
Writing seems to happen on it's own, for me it's when I have the time on my hands.
-
I write constantly at work, Boat.
Always have, in my "career" (pin-ball series of jobs, I mean).
My MA is in creative writing, and I have published poetry.
I have one chapter of a novel glowing (ever more faintly) in a desk drawer.
A memoir I'd like to do.
And need to submit a new collection of poems.
All of THAT, I neglect. Daily writing, here, and at work...
sort of scratches the itch.
But not really. That's what my time and life management struggles
are all about. I know I was put on earth to write, and not about
the work stuff that eats most of that writing energy.
love
Hops