Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: harmony14360 on September 27, 2006, 10:07:39 AM
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Hello,
I've struggled with how I should approach my first posting here, so, I'm just going to play-it-by-ear.
The two N's in my life are my mother and my sister (who, last I heard, aren't in communication with each other), with whom I no longer comunicate. Applying the NC (NO CONTACT) method, I continue to heal and become more empowered every day. I highly recommend it.
I was born in 1960, the youngest of three children, and knew from a very early age that my mother was a mean bully whose weapon of choice was emotional and verbal abuse. However, she never shied away from using a belt (or a switch which we often had to retrieve from the outdoors ourselves).
One of my earliest memories is as follows:
My siblings and I (we lived within walking distance from our school) were allowed to go to our school carnival. When we got there, I discovered a dollar in my pocket. I knew that I didn't remember putting the dollar there myself. Yvonne (I no longer refer to her as "mother") had earlier (days I think) given each of us a dollar. Anyway, I wound up spending my dollar. As you can imagine, I got quite a whipping when I got home. Yvonne screamed at me and demanded to know how the dollar got in my pocket, and I kept telling her that I had found it there. What had I spent the dollar on? A flower vase for Yvonne. It made no difference to her. Recently (I've been aware of and researching NPD since I entered college in 2001) I've put two and two together and realize that she planted the dollar in my pocket so that she could exercise her use of me as her "chosen scapegoat".
On Mother's Day 1990, having no knowledge or understanding of spychological disorders, I knew that in order to even hope to have any kind of "normal", peaceful, positively productive life that I would have to sever all ties with her. I have never regretted it.
I'm looking forward to communicating with you all because (as so very many of you already know), most people either don't believe me, or don't want to hear about it because, in my opinion, they can't conceive of a "mother" treating her children that way because their mother is, or was, "normal".
Dr. Grossman, thank you for this "place" where we survivors can find and exercise our voice.
Harmony
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Welcome Harmony,
You will certainly find many kindred spirits here. Abuse comes in all shapes and sizes. I'm sorry for what you had to endure.
It sounds like you are finding a good path to healing. Many blessings as you continue to find the light at the end of the tunnel.
Hugs,
Brigid
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Greetings :) Harmony,
Welcome!
teartracks
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Ditto, Welcome Harmony.
I believe you about her planting the dollar (and I guess I might not have a few years ago, when i was still in denial). Such a sad story.
How are you doing today? Do you have contact with your other sibling, do you have someone close today who knows and believes you?
Please keep posting as you wish to! Your first post was highly descriptive and clear to me. :)
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Hi and welcome to you Harmony
Hugs.
MoonLight
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Welcome, Harmony,
I hope that you'll experience the relief and release of sharing memories and struggles here as I have. So glad you've joined us!
Hope
P.S. My NPD ex husband would "plant" things, too, in order to set me up for "punishment" and also to make himself appear to be the one who had it all together and was in the right.
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Welcome, Harmony,
I believe you.
And welcome ((((((((((((little inner Harmnony hold a gift of love and getting hit for it)))))))))) :(
Glad you're here. And glad you've already launched your healing journey.
This place and that process will mesh for you! :)
Hopalong
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Hi Harmony!!!!!
I think planting the dollar was like my mother encouraging me to look and dress sexy and then calling me a slut. Ugh... it is hard to explain to outsiders that your mother is insane. I can say that I clearly saw it this last time I visited them. I am not at the NC stage... but I am about as close as can be since they basically don't write or call and I have felt little obligation to keep it up as well. I am sure she will contact me when she gets bored again.
Good for you for being so strong! Please feel free to share here as your stories not only validate you, but also the other members!!!!!! It is great to have a new "club member." :lol:
Love, Beth
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Welcome Harmony -
Yep, I believe it too, about the dollar being planted. That kind of setup is bread and meat to sadistic Ns.
Glad you're here, and glad you got clear. And glad you see what's there - that's 90% of the battle, I think, learning to see what's really there.
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Dr. Grossman, thank you for this "place" where we survivors can find and exercise our voice.
Hi Harmony,
You're welcome. Glad you're here!
Best,
Richard
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Harmony: I have gotten so much support and good advice here. Sometimes people will reply to one of your posts and it will go on and on and on with lots of input. Other times you might get one or two responses. Don't take anything personally. Sometimes a post will ring a lot of bells and it just depends upon the day and topic!!
Welcome!
Kelly
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hi harmony,
I so related to your story. Yep, sounds kind of "normal" to me, but something most people (thank goodness!) cannot comprehend. I'm sorry. Your mother (Yvonne) did not have the skills or heart to be a good parent to you.
hugs,
p bean
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harmony:
On Mother's Day 1990, having no knowledge or understanding of spychological disorders, I knew that in order to even hope to have any kind of "normal", peaceful, positively productive life that I would have to sever all ties with her. I have never regretted it.
I have also made the decision to terminate relations with my mother. I feel as you do - no regrets. I made the decision after months of evaluation. I wanted to make sure I was not subconsciously trying to punish her or avoid looking at my own character defects. I think I have peace with this decision today because I feel free of those motives.
harmony:I'm looking forward to communicating with you all because (as so very many of you already know), most people either don't believe me, or don't want to hear about it because, in my opinion, they can't conceive of a "mother" treating her children that way because their mother is, or was, "normal".
I feel like I could have written this. This has always been a dreadfully painful issue for me. I could not have said this better. I will tell you that you will be "heard" here. We believe you because we have been there. Glad you found this site.
ANS