It sounds like your father may be narcissistic supply for your Nmom. (I already sound like a know-it-all don't I? That is part of my own narcissisism I am trying to overcome.)
Your stepfather is psychopathic.
I hope you will not expose your child to five more minutes of him.
YOUR SON DOES NOT DESERVE TO GO THROUGH WHAT YOU WENT THROUGH, AND YOU CAN STOP IT.
(You didn't deserve it, either. I am so sorry you went through that, Tony. No child should. Nor any cat nor dog.)
Meanwhile, you get out of the past and see your boy and get him AWAY from that a**hole.
'Kay?
A bossy,
Hops
"A narcissistic trait I notice in myself is that sometimes I will "zone out" when someone is talking to me. I will only be interested in what I wish to tell them and not hear what they are telling me. I'm working on that."
Actually, this is a common phenomena that happens to people who've been abused. Most commonly you'll see it in someone embroiled in a "fight" or argument. They will suddenly zone out and become very quiet. Perhaps this is what you are experiencing?
dandylife
I never realized whata crappy father my stepfather was until I had a child of my own. I never remember him doing any of the things I do with my son. Like getting down on the floor playing with toys, telling me he's proud of me, teaching me to love humanity and help those who need it. Nothing that I value in life and teach my son was taught to me. I was taught that people suck and just want to use you and you should take everything you can from the world and give nothing back.
I've been reading you. You sound good Tony. :D Unasked for opinion coming up:
I'm working on giving up the fantasy perceptions of my parents and seeing them for who they really are. This I feel, is really starting to piss them off.
Just a thought: you can see them for who they really are – do they have to know that your perceptions have changed? Do you want any type of relationship with them? If so (I keep a very distant relationship with both of mine) then you may want to choose to keep your thoughts and feelings to yourself. They don’t have to know. If that feels too false, then you may want to separate yourself from them completely and not see them.
But that anger is there's not mine. I refuse to have any part of their negativity. They will not project it on to me again.
If they get angry with you, it’s because they feel threatened. You can refuse to accept their anger, but they’ll still be angry if you give them cause to feel angry as they see it. It may not be ‘right’, but they ain’t right anyway! :?
I am strong. I am here. And I am growing every day. Life is good and so am I.
:D :D :D :D 8)
I'm happy that I found this site, I've already got some great comments and some good advice as well. Forgive me if I don't express gratitude exclusively to any specific posters as I feel you all are very important.
I think back on my life and I was subjected to some pretty disturbing scenarios, nothing as horrible as physical or sexual abuse but rather emotional and passive abuse.
When I was about 5 years old we had this cat that my stepfather didn't like. I used to love playing with the cat. He took the cat to a tall bridge over a river and threw it off the bridge. Then over the years he loved to tell the story about how the cat smacked the water and started to swim for shore. About that same time in my life I got a dog for Christmas, a puppy. The dog pooped in the house. So my stepdad, using a technique for housetraining dogs he learned from an Army friend, fed the dog his own poop with a spoon, I still remember vividly the turd hanging out of this poor dog's mouth. The dog mysteriously disappeared after that.
These are just a few of the "fun" moments from my childhood. I'll post more as they come to me.
Tony they’re not trying to make up for it, they’re trying to buy affection and look good, image is everything. And they’re trying to use money and stuff to control you (be nice to us and you’ll get the inheritance). Doesn’t it suck? Yes it does.
But you have your own values and they don't include the lure of filthy money - good!