Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: isittoolate on July 17, 2007, 09:32:23 PM

Title: an accident
Post by: isittoolate on July 17, 2007, 09:32:23 PM: I was bloody and broken on the roadside, knowing my legs wouldn’t move. I was in shock so some of my thoughts were never expressed: only a warning to anyone moving me to not twist my body. 2:00 am

I was thinking about my daughter and me and our financial state. I had/have double indemnity life Insurance if I died, but only $17.00 to my name--$5.00 in my purse, $5.00 at home in my jewelry box, and $2.00 in the bank. June 7th and I was awaiting my June 15th payday: some financial shape.

Then I zoomed like a twirling set of Xmas lights, at a 45° angle to the southwest and had left my body. I saw a man put a blanket over me. I saw another focus his spotlight on me. I told myself that my daughter would be okay. It was the most fantastic feeling in my life—dying.

I ’backed up’ and was in my body again and could feel the dew on the grass on my face. I told Al that I couldn’t get my legs down: they felt bent up at the knees while lying on my tummy. He said they were down.

The ambulance arrived and I told them to not twist me. Then I was asked my doctor’s name. I gave it and they radioed in for him. He was waiting at the hospital in Barrie, I was cleaned up and stitched, my right ankle, my right finger, my right forearm and right upper arm (that one sealed in a piece of windshield for 7 years) Those were veins that needed closing. Then it was x-rays. I was in no pain until I was put through the gymnastics on the x-ray table.

Then my doctor gave me a shot for the trip to Toronto where the closet neurosurgeons were. 4:30 am. He asked me for a number to call and I gave my sister’s, as my mother was already in a wheelchair and had been for 13 years re spina bifida and scoliosis. Then a call went to a sister in Toronto who arrived at Emerg when my ambulance arrived. 5:30 am. I was dying. The whole upper part of Toronto’s street into TGH was cleared to let my ambulance have full access.

Well in spite. There was all the paperwork and I had to sign for surgery and went under the knife from 9:00 am to 4:30 pm. And came to in the “cold room” where the critical ones were. That was 6 days.

Since I am typing, I lived. That is just the beginning and my therapist says I can call it my own accident, since no one ever came to me with comforting words, no counseling to let me know I was eligible for Provincial Disability immediately no one to hold me and tell me to cry—because I couldn’t.

I told the therapist that if I had Queen Latifah from “The Bone Collector” who looked after Denzel Washington, who could move only one finger, I would have had a speedier recovery.

Well I made it anyway with a mess of nurses, physical therapists and one very sweet nurse who I couldn’t see, as I was already laying face downward on the stryker frame. She came in about 4:00 am and washed my hair for me. The glass and gravel just plinked into the basin. Then she went around and scrounged up some rollers to set it. And I was 3 weeks overdue for a shampoo! What an angel!!

Izzy
Title: Re: an accident
Post by: Ami on July 17, 2007, 09:39:34 PM: Dear Izzy,
I am so,very, very sorry. Love Ami
Title: Re: an accident
Post by: Certain Hope on July 17, 2007, 09:46:52 PM: Izzy,

Since you are sharing, you lived... yes. And I am glad you lived to share... and sorry that you've suffered so.
Thank you for sharing yourself with all of us, as only you can do.

With love,
Hope
Title: Re: an accident
Post by: moonlight52 on July 17, 2007, 10:05:28 PM: (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Izzy)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Title: Re: an accident
Post by: Hopalong on July 17, 2007, 10:18:01 PM: Thank you, Izzy.

You are a riveting storyteller.

And I like your T's idea: it was MY accident.

A watershed. A split in the universe. A B.A. and A.A. calendar.

You are a survivor.

Hops
Title: Re: an accident
Post by: Overcomer on July 17, 2007, 10:29:02 PM: Wow I! You really should write a book. Did that just happen or are you recalling your accident?
Title: Re: an accident
Post by: isittoolate on July 17, 2007, 10:36:41 PM: Quote from: Overcomer on July 17, 2007, 10:29:02 PM
Wow I! You really should write a book. Did that just happen or are you recalling your accident?

June 7, 1969 when I was 30 and my daughter was 5

Iz
Title: Re: an accident
Post by: isittoolate on July 17, 2007, 10:41:15 PM: Thank you Amii, Certain Hope,
moonlight and Hops
Overcomer and besee
For thinking about me!

This was just something that happened 38 years ago, but it something whereby many lives were changed, yet it belongs to me and always will.
iz
Title: Re: an accident
Post by: lighter on July 17, 2007, 10:43:27 PM: Wow.

Izz.

I'm so glad you're sharing about your accident.

Even more glad to see it's not a recent accident.

It's so bloody unfair that no one came to help you or make sure you received benefits or wash your hair.

I'm so sorry all that happened to you. Sometimes some lives are so full of unfair things, I can't even speak. (((Izzy)))
Title: Re: an accident
Post by: isittoolate on July 17, 2007, 10:51:55 PM: Time + Tragedy = Humour, so I've heard, and I use it.

A new friend, quite some years ago, asked me why I always wore slacks. She dressed fancy and in heels

I said that wearing a skirt and using the bathroom meant you pulled up the skirt and gravity made it fall down, likely into the toilet bowl. Wearing slacks? You pull them down and they stay down.

Then she went to Texas for a couple of months to clear up her mother's estate. I wrote her a letter called the "AYear in the Life of Me" It was 14 pages long, I still have it and it started roughly like the above.

Ha!
Iz
Title: Re: an accident
Post by: lighter on July 18, 2007, 12:10:00 AM: I think you write very well....and I enjoy reading it.

Maybe you should put together all your writing.......

and see if there isn't a book inside you somewhere?
Title: Re: an accident
Post by: isittoolate on July 18, 2007, 01:39:27 AM: That's very sweet of you, lighter

Oh I know there is a book in me and I just don't know where to start but-- I also thought I didn't write well. that is something I have been told here a few times, about wrting well, and if I ever did, I would write is as though I were writing it to a group of Friends--as on here!

Love Izzy
Title: Re: an accident
Post by: lighter on July 18, 2007, 01:46:22 AM: So keep writing, Izzy.

Put it all together and keep writing.

You may find it goes off in unexpected ways, for unexpected reasons. Oh THIS IS SO EXCITING!
Title: Re: an accident
Post by: isittoolate on July 18, 2007, 01:51:18 AM: Now lighter!!!

You have been reading my mail!!

One thing that happens to me is that I go off in all directions. I digress, and I wonder if I can pull it all together----never tried!

Yes it would be piecemeal then all connect somehow!

Oh you just want to know someone FAMOUS!!!! ha! ha!

Love
IZ
Title: Re: an accident
Post by: wiltay on July 18, 2007, 02:40:24 AM: Izzy, that was a lovely poem. I hope you don't mind if I keep it, like a picture to put on my wall.

Billl
Title: Re: an accident
Post by: isittoolate on July 18, 2007, 02:47:17 AM: Willtay

Poem? i am confused!

??????????????????

Lizzy
Title: Re: an accident
Post by: bigalspal on July 18, 2007, 06:29:28 AM: Izzy,
Dang, girl! What HELL you went through!
Only the folks on this board will not think I'm an "N" when I say, I think one of the reasons you lived, was that we needed you here, on this board, to help us lost souls navigate this world!
I know you've helped me!
XXXXXXOOOO's
Bigalspal
Title: Re: an accident
Post by: motheroffour on July 18, 2007, 10:19:41 AM: My heart thoughts are with you today.

-much love
mof4
Title: Re: an accident
Post by: wiltay on July 18, 2007, 02:20:42 PM: Izzy, I've read works that are called poems that have the style and cadences of your story. It's a matter of rhythm, (like a musical piece repeating the same beat in the background), not rhyme. That's what I felt reading it.
Bill
Title: Re: an accident
Post by: isittoolate on July 18, 2007, 04:38:51 PM: Thank you MO4, BAP, and BILL

-=-for your visit and for your comments, and Bill for saying my prose is as poetry. Yes, you may put it on your wall, but do you think your visitors might think you are weird? <grin> sadistic?

Love
Izzy
Title: Re: an accident
Post by: finding peace on July 18, 2007, 08:21:36 PM: Dear Izzy,

You a remarkable and inspirational person.

I think writing a book is a great idea - your story is one of survival and courage.

Love,
Peace
Title: Re: an accident
Post by: lighter on July 18, 2007, 08:35:00 PM: The creative process...... putting BIG life's lessons down for others to learn from...... watching you grow and...... uhhhh..... if you become famouse...... you are taking us all to Hawaii, right, lol?
Title: Re: an accident
Post by: sally on July 18, 2007, 11:12:19 PM: Oh, Izzy, my heart really breaks for you. Why, oh why were people so uncaring? No one to comfort you, tell you about disability benefits. And all the pain that you felt. I can only imagine that you were very afraid. I’m so sorry for what you went through.

((((((((((((((((Izzy))))))))))))))))))))

I can imagine how grateful you must has felt when the nurse washed you hair. It must have felt wonderful.

It was the most fantastic feeling in my life—dying.
It sounds like you had a near death experience. Did you see the light?

Yes, you are an excellent writer. Your story reads like a screenplay in that you describe the events in a very visual manner. When reading it, I felt like I was there.

So, how does it make you feel to describe your accident?

You are an amazing and talented woman, a survivor with a great sense of humor.

Thank you for sharing your story.

love,
sally
Title: Re: an accident
Post by: isittoolate on July 19, 2007, 12:29:46 AM: Aw
finding peace
lighter and
sally

I had no idea this would bring such responses, as writing a book and alluding to the fact I could do that!

I also never realized until I talked of this, the strength I must have had to get through it--- I was propelled by Fear and fear of failure and of course to be back on my own with my little girl.

Do you know it took my therapist to notice and make me realize the full extent of "going through all this alone without any support".

Yes, Sally, that night I was going home to wash my hair--- that was somewhat delayed. That was so caring of that night nurse!

My date (3rd date) wanted to get me in the sack and even borrowed a buddy's key for his apartment with the expectation. When he told me, I said "No! I meant it. as I wanted to wash my hair, set it and prepare a bit for a girl friend who was coming for the next day & ½. He tromped on the gas and was speeding at 120 mph. I was scared out of my wits and was paralyzed before I was actually paralyzed. His obvious 'sense of entitlement" has me wondering if he is an N.,

He lost control of the car and it rolled 3 rimes, skidding 975 feet. I was being tossed and said to myself, "Izzy, you are being in one hell of a car crash."

Since this was so long ago, it is just another tale of part of my life. I've told the therapist that I see my life as a wheel (wagon, I guess). I am the hub and all my experiences are the spokes, but there is no rim to connect one with the other. They just poke out into empty air.

The light(s) I saw, sally, were my own twinkling coloured lights, as well as the sky had turned all pastel shades from the actual gray of 2:00 a.m. No doctor was present so I don't know if my heart stopped or not, but I sure feel and remember being away up in the air and 'leaving'

As I might have said I wrote at chronology for a friend of mine who had so many questions. It was 14 pages long.

There are so many stories and I even had the therapist laughing at one. It's a very important one though that shows every patient is not just a chart on the wall.

Thanks everyone for thinking such good thoughts and sending them to me
love
Izzy
Title: Re: an accident
Post by: lighter on July 19, 2007, 12:48:28 AM: I think you should really get your mind wrapped around that book. You can do it. You can write, Izzy.
Title: Re: an accident
Post by: spyralle on July 19, 2007, 08:08:38 AM: Hi Izzy,

I agree with the others you are a very beautiful writer. Can I ask you something. Do you think that bad things change us for the better..? i just know that when my partner died I felt like my heart had been ripped out. I wanted to die to yet now I wonder if it hadn't happened would I have taken so much notive of life and my soul and other stuff that I won't bore you with.. Did you change?

Love

Spyralle xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Title: Re: an accident
Post by: debkor on July 19, 2007, 04:37:19 PM: Izzy,

I sit and read your post and your life stories and I am amazed. I don't think I could be half the person you are. I think you are an incredible brave person even through fear.

Sometimes I don't know what to say to you and I always look for your stories about your life. You had slowed down a bit and I was going through withdrawal.

I don't know what you think of yourself Izzy but you are an inspiration to me. People can learn from you. You have very much to offer. WRITE THAT BOOK!!

Deb
Title: Re: an accident
Post by: isittoolate on July 19, 2007, 04:48:07 PM: THANK YOU DEB,

LOOK AT MY POST ON MOTHEROFFOUR'S LAST THREAD.

o sorry caps.

When I "slow down a bit" is because I have the one problem, with feelings, and often cannot think of anything to help another in his/her thread.

I am no longer involved with an N--long time and it can be upsetting to read what might be currently happening to someone.

So I say I am not in touch with my feelings, but my mind knows I am upset-- My mind knows what is sad, happt etc.

I related my life to my therapist and I didn't shed a tear or choke up--the truth is the truth. I last cried in 1993--??

So could could begin this thread with a detached feeling.

Love (that means I care, in my head)

Izzy
Title: Re: an accident
Post by: debkor on July 19, 2007, 05:02:36 PM: Izzy,

Quote
I am who you have seen in my posts--straight forward and no fancy delusions, and far less descriptive language than I see others are able to use.
Quote

That's ok with me Izzy. You rank way up there with me. Even wearing a plastic bag over your head. I still laugh over that.
As far as less descriptive language? Maybe so? But being non descriptive is not you. I can picture everything in my head like I'm watching a movie when you tell your story.

Deb
Title: Re: an accident
Post by: isittoolate on July 19, 2007, 05:04:17 PM: spyralle

Hello there,

I don't know if bad things make us better, but they make us sit up and take notice, and if we're smart we never repeat what caused the 'bad' thing. So to that effect we are "better".

I also believe that God does not give us anything we cannot handle (that's for you too mo4) I have some kind of inner strength that I don't see in some people, and know they would sit back and deteriorate after such an accident. Then again, I could be wrong, because perhaps those people have not yet been 'challenged'.

I can say now that everything that has happened to me has 'taught' me something so that I ought to know it all by the time I die <grin>

I don't know if this is helepful to you, or uf it sounds like a crock, but I try to say what's in my mind.

Love
Izzy
Title: Re: an accident
Post by: isittoolate on July 19, 2007, 05:17:50 PM: Wow Deb,

I make movies in your head? and you remember the bag on my head--"<grin>

Escalators used to be wider. I see now they are much more narrow but I live in a different Province. I doubt I was the cause of them being changed.

I used to go to Sears and ride up the escaltor in my chair. It takes timing--get on the moving flat and put the front wheels on one step, make sure the crack is under the chair and the back wheels are on the next step behind, keep on the moving flat until you can grab the handrails and watch for the steps to separate, as there will be a jolt when the back wheels drop down. Now I am at a 45 degree angle. and hang on until the steps flatten out and go on my way on the second floor.

Coming down is to back on and repeat the setup, grab the railings and wait for the thunk--then keep right on going as the steps flatten out.

Then look abashed as a Sears man chases you out to the parking lot, waggles his finger at you and sauys, "Now you stop doing that, using the escalators. You are scaring our customers."

Enjoy
Love
Izzy
Title: Re: an accident
Post by: lighter on July 19, 2007, 06:35:39 PM: Quote from: isittoolate on July 19, 2007, 05:17:50 PM
Then look abashed as a Sears man chases you out to the parking lot, waggles his finger at you and sauys, "Now you stop doing that, using the escalators. You are scaring our customers."

Enjoy
Love
Izzy

OMG Izz! I got dizzy reading your post!

I gotta say..... I was always the annoying mama on the escalator with a stroller. Eh..... it takes time to find the elevator and go out of your way to use it.

Brave brave Izzy..... You have hidden talents, lol!
Title: Re: an accident
Post by: isittoolate on July 19, 2007, 09:31:23 PM: Yes elevators --go around to the back, take the escalators to the furnace room go 4 blocks to the left and there is a freight elevator, and one had to call byi nternal phone and say you were coming.

Now I sense, too, that a person in a wheelchair would be a little more offended to ride this:..... mumbling. "i am not a piece of freight...... I am not as piece of freight."

sorry for the dizzy spell <grin>. :lol:

xx
Izzy
Title: Re: an accident
Post by: debkor on July 19, 2007, 09:44:22 PM: Iz,

I agree with Light. You do have many hidden talents. I would have stood at the top and said Go Izzy, Go Izzy, then dropped dead of a heart attack watching you or wanted you to teach me how you do that.

I once while eating out saw a man who had no arms. He sat and held a fork and knife with his toes and ate more proper then I did.

I tried this at home and what a mess. I could not do it.

Deb
Title: Re: an accident
Post by: isittoolate on July 19, 2007, 10:02:41 PM: You really tried that---- alone or the whole family?

(http://www.slrkelowna.ca/haha.gif)
Title: Re: an accident
Post by: lighter on July 19, 2007, 10:15:05 PM: Eh... I probably would have dropped my oldest child in Izz's lap (a little escalator fright going there), told my little one to hold tight, balanced the stroller behind me and braced the wheelchair with my hip.

I just could not take the suspense of watching and waiting to see if she could remain balanced.... esp if I was behind her; )
Title: Re: an accident
Post by: isittoolate on July 19, 2007, 10:26:02 PM: we would have looked like it came in all one piece for Grandma and the kids. HM we have an invention here. We need a patent.

In the grocery store I pushed the chair with one hand and was balanced on the other side by pushing a cart.

A little kid said, "Look Mommy. That cart has a chair attched".

It was cute! ...........but it did look like a one piece of 'machinery'
Title: Re: an accident
Post by: wiltay on July 19, 2007, 11:36:57 PM: "=-for your visit and for your comments, and Bill for saying my prose is as poetry. Yes, you may put it on your wall, but do you think your visitors might think you are weird? <grin> sadistic?"

Izzy, Everyone I KNOW thinks I'm weird, so if they saw your framed poem on my wall they would just say, "yup." ; - }. (I'm exaggerating a little I hope). I probably AM a little sadistic, as a matter of fact, when it comes to playing with (some) other people's expectations.

Bill
Title: Re: an accident
Post by: debkor on July 20, 2007, 12:05:16 AM: Iz,

Me and the kids tried it. And we sucked at it.

Deb
Title: Re: an accident
Post by: isittoolate on July 20, 2007, 07:35:12 PM: OK Folks I need an answer here!

I've told you that my only brother and one sister will be coming here on Aug 4&5. I posted their emails a bit back when I was concerned about my brother and smoke---

Anyway, I am in therapy (will I tell them?) and have told the therapist that my sister is the one who had my daughter for 2 months and didn't bring her to see me until-----maybe Aug 1? I was furious and I never saw my daughter again until she switched sisters close to Sept 1.

My brother didn't come to see me in the Hospital at all. I was there 3 months and moved to a Rehab Place, called Lyndhurst Lodge, (sounds like a holiday) He finally came ONCE to the Lodge. (Lodge used to belong to MGM) My mother was in the same place 13 years earlier.

I wonder why I never noticed some of these things, or was I already acclimated that I was no one to the family? I was dying and my mother didn't come for 2 weeks.

This is shitty!!!

The last time I cried was depression over the estrangement betweem my daughter and me that took about 2 years to 'break' me. I began to cry in the morniing and cried all day, in and out of 5 stores, and home, unloading my trunk AND this sister happened to come out of my building, being in my town at the time and I yelled and screamed and blew a gasket at her about the above and I wouldn't let her come into my apartrment. I did this screaming in the front driveway, and I didn't know her husband was sitting in their car, as well.

Later on. as in a # of weeks, she came to visit and we talked about things, but I cannot forget that my daughter must have felt abandoned, even the next day, let alone almost 2 months without me.

I don't know if I will tell them. I think I might, as they are going to have to

get this

live in MY world for the 2 days we do things together.!!!

I was always living in my familiy's world and I never fit!

It's difficult to know if I ought to tell them that I am thnking about the one visit each in the 12 months I was hospitalized! ??????? and how it affected me, amongst other things.

love Izzy
Title: Re: an accident
Post by: ripleytje on July 20, 2007, 07:54:44 PM: Dear Isittoolate,

Hugs to you! I don't think you were writing a poem or telling a story. I just want to ask you were you given a reason why you needed to come back in life straight after the accident, when you felt you died? Did you feel that there was something you need to do in your life??
I just ask because I nearly died when I was about six, and had no words to describe anyone how I felt it, but I will never forget the feeling of peace in the sense of feeling completely accepted as I was (now, I was a little girl at the time), it was just overwhelmingly positive feeling. I still don't have proper words for describing that!

Hope you can understand what I mean!

Bests,
Ripleytje
Title: Re: an accident
Post by: isittoolate on July 20, 2007, 08:02:23 PM: hi Ripleytje

I have no words either to describe the peace at that time, except that there was not a worry in the world, not a thought of things unfinished etc. Just peace and beauty, then I backed-up and it was a bit disappointiung but then I was thinking of my little 5 year old daughter at home without me.

I have been told no reason to come back, except to sue Al to crashed the car as her guardians would likely go broke raising her!)<g>

What caused your experience? accident or illness?

Love
Izzy
Title: Re: an accident
Post by: lighter on July 20, 2007, 08:23:43 PM: Ahhh, Izzy.
Wouldn't it be nice to enjoy a nice dinner and a glass of wine..... settle back for an intimate chat with siblings and catch up?

Maybe ask them, without blame or intense emotion, what they were thinking while you were in the hospital?

Sort of have a normal conversation about something immensly painful? Not sure it can be done but.....

I sure think you'll get more information if they feel you aren't attacking or blaming them.... if you understand them and aren't judging.

Not that you can do that with this discussion. I certainly wouldn't blame you if you couldn't.

I doubt most people could, but you seem to want to hear what they have to say and asking them is the best way to get answers.

If you can't talk about it without being angry, and who could? Maybe you could write letters to them and read then write and read them until you've worked through it a bit?

The way I see it is..... you're trying to embrace people who were callouse and irresponsible and cruel and utterly selfish and deserving of your harsh judgement.

And yet you invite them into your home.... and are thoughtful of the smallest considerations on their behalf. After they left you lie there all alone, dying and defenseless, alone and uncared for.... just monstrous of them to abandon you like that.

But see..... you grew up in a dysfunctional family where that was the way it always was. Just more pronounced after the accident?

So..... what I get is.... you want to connect with your siblings.

You want to understand so that you can make some sense out of your past.... maybe your present.

You want to forgive them and maybe you need to do that literally WITH them?

I don't think that raging at them will get you any answers from them, though I think it would be good of them to allow you to do that then explain their behavior, apologize for it and beg your forgiveness. I'm glad you got that rage off your chest all those years ago. Lord knows you needed to or you might have burst.

Maybe they've changed and grown in unexpected ways?

Maybe you'll get answers you don't like but answers nonetheless?

One thing I've learned.... is to respect honesty.... even if I don't like what I hear.

At least I understand better, and I like to understand things.

Esp painful things I have no control over, otherwise.

I say that telling them you're in therapy then bringing up some of the questions you have around the time of the accident would be a very reasonable converstion to have with them.

Think about what you want them to hear, when you speak, then practice saying it maybe?

It would be nice if you could be calm and approach this without dread and fear when it arrives ((Izzy))

What does your T say?
Title: Re: an accident
Post by: Certain Hope on July 20, 2007, 08:46:29 PM: Dear Izzy,

I'm thinking that it is proper - when someone has wronged us - to speak with that person directly about it.

This has a cleansing effect, it seems... even if it's years after the fact and even if it gets messy.

Some messes are actually quite health-full... kinda like my method of cleaning a closet... gotta drag everything out first, scatter it all around the room to see what's there, before beginning to sort.
Also this gives the "other" an opportunity to make a turn-around... or not. It's good to be prepared for the "not", detached from the outcome... some of the stuff in that closet may not fit anymore.

Love,
Hope
Title: Re: an accident
Post by: isittoolate on July 20, 2007, 09:01:22 PM: Ah lighter,

You are a treasure, indeed.

The only blowup was 1993 and I was close to a breakdown. I am not now. I haven't cried since that and I am a calm person, although it could be said I am a botttomless pit of anger, but it also can be said that i feel that the pit is draining because of some of the things I have done.

My therpist is one of ther 'drainers'. and I am the other. I am looking at things differently --well it's the two of us together.

One of the reasons I require therapy is that I always felt like NOT part of the family-- one visit apiece in 12 months just verified that to me-- but what about them? What if all the blood and scabs and the stryker frame and the stitches and the explosive hair full of glass and gravel turned them off?

Well you see another sister came every day and read my mail and them some days after I was able to have another room and a phone, she would call to say she couldn't make it. I would say that it was okay as she had a life to live to and didn't have to be around every day, as much as I appreciated it. Then another sister, the N, told me that the previous sister told her there were some days she coudln't come to see me as she couldn't stand to look at me. What a family!

---but this is 38 years later and I am in therapy and require some answers. They might not even remember. I can do it calmly and I can accept whatever answer because i used to know a saying something like---There are those ofd us who require answers and are not happy until we get them and even if we don't like the answer, we have one.

So I will
talk about therapy
and some of the reasons why
and I will ask
and I* will know?

Thankis lighter
xx
Izzy
Title: Re: an accident
Post by: lighter on July 20, 2007, 09:04:20 PM: "Some messes are actually quite health-full... kinda like my method of cleaning a closet... gotta drag everything out first, scatter it all around the room to see what's there, before beginning to sort."

::Picturing Izzy rolling around on the floor, wrestling her sibs::

Hey, Izzy! You're on top and you're winning!
Title: Re: an accident
Post by: Certain Hope on July 20, 2007, 09:09:15 PM: Quote from: lighter on July 20, 2007, 09:04:20 PM
"Some messes are actually quite health-full... kinda like my method of cleaning a closet... gotta drag everything out first, scatter it all around the room to see what's there, before beginning to sort."

::Picturing Izzy rolling around on the floor, wrestling her sibs::

Hey, Izzy! You're on top and you're winning!

LOL !! Okay, now, that wasn't exactly what I was picturing :P lol :) I kinda like it, tho!! :D

Lighter, you're a character ((((((()))))))

(((((((Izzy)))))))

My eyes are too tired to make much more sense... that's my story and I'm stickin to it!

Love,
Hope
Title: Re: an accident
Post by: lighter on July 20, 2007, 09:10:29 PM: Yes yes yes, Izz.

I think you have it just right.

Explaining that you're in therapy and a little bit about why.

Saying you have some questions, without blaming them... then asking and listening without interrupting or making big impatient sigh-ey noises while they answer.

I'm not surprised that they had negative feelings about the hospital and your injuries.

What is surprising is that they didn't all reach out to their sister.

Because it's the right thing to do and they felt some responsibility towards you as a human being they cared for.

I think you deserve an answer to that question.

(((Izzy)))
Title: Re: an accident
Post by: ripleytje on July 20, 2007, 10:48:23 PM: Dear IsItTooLate,

So, I think, it was that you and your daughter still have a lot of things to do together, in a very positive sense!! The idea of your daughter brought you back. ;-) That is something very beautiful, isn't it? It has been a horror to you, but just think about it that your love to yoru daughter brought your back. Hope you don't mind me being so direct? I just recognize the feeling you described, although in a very different situation, as a consequence of too much anesthesia during a routine operation as a child.

Lots of strength!

Husg,
Ripleytje
Title: Re: an accident
Post by: Hopalong on July 21, 2007, 12:37:47 AM: Hey Izz,
I remember from your brother and SIL's email that they sound like kind, decent adults now.

Whoever they were back at that time, they're probably very sorry about. Good for you for gently giving them the chance to tell you...they were ignorant and afraid, probably.

It may bring you closer if you tell them you need to revisit that time briefly...and see if they can "meet you there." I think maybe the most important thing is to keep it simple:

I was so alone, and afraid.
I couldln't understand why you didn't come to visit me.
Can you explain what you were thinking then?

Maybe something like that.

And then get into the present with them, Izzy hon. Please don't forget to be in the present. Hopefully y'all will drink some good wine, play some good games, and be together in the present, too.

hugs
Hops
Title: Re: an accident
Post by: isittoolate on July 21, 2007, 01:01:48 AM: Thank you Hops,

I was hoping that the reponses would be as yours, as that is what I think too.

There are SO many people who tell a person to "Stop Living In The Past"!!------------or-----------------------

-------------maybe it's just my family because they don't want me asking questions like this ha ha!

I will also tell my therapist. It came to me today that I ought to ask. If not now, I never will, and it will come to mind again.

Love Izzy