Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: DreamSinger on November 21, 2007, 07:44:16 PM
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Hey, all. I'm rarely here anymore these days, but I discovered this news late last night and it's been haunting me, and I'm trying to process this. I feel like if anyone is going to understand or recognize what's going on, you guys can.
It's about Megan Meier, a 13 year old, who committed suicide last year after a boy she met and was wooing her on MySpace, Josh Evans, suddenly turned on her and sent her vicious messages, along with other kids on-line. The story has resurfaced, and this time has gone national.
The last messages to Megan were sent via "bulletin", which means they are broadcast to everyone who's on their "friend's list", not just to one specified person.
Turns out that the boy was the creation of an adult, the mother of a girl who used to be Megan's best friend. They had gone back and forth as friends, and when Megan was transferred to a new school, she ended it with this girl.
So this girl's mother creates this hoax, for the sole purpose, she said, to garner Megan's trust and find out what Megan was saying about her daughter and other friends.
Megan was being treated for depression, diagnosed as ADD and emotionally unstable ever since the 3rd grade when serious bullying started. She was taken out of her current school and started a new school that year. Getting this contact from Josh was a big self esteem booster for Megan and for the first time in ages, she was feeling better about herself.
But the boy was a hoax, and despite what the mother claims, the purpose was to humiliate Megan once she realized she was foolish enough to think a real boy was interested in her and that all her correspondences were being read by people laughing behind her back!
And this woman and her husband were aware of Megan's emotional state. They, also, actively encouraged other kids in the neighborhood to participate in this hoax.
I don't know what chills my blood the most - the events I just described or the fact that this woman and her family, attended Megan's funeral, consoled the Meier's and invited Megan's grieving family to attend her daughter's birthday after Megan's death. Plus, they had asked the Meier's to hold a Christmas present foosball table for them in the Meier's basement, which the Meier's graciously agreed to!
How can you do that???
The Meier's didn't find out until six weeks after their daughter's death who Josh Evans really was, and that was because the mother of a daughter who had been recruited to participate by the offending parents, confessed to her mom and the mom came forward. She said when the ambulance was taking Megan away, the mother/Josh Evans called this girl and told her not to tell anyone about MySpace, because it could cause trouble.
I am so disturbed by this... :cry:
From what I've read there's been no expression of remorse, whatsoever...just one written statement that she's sorry for what the family is going through, but NOT one word about being sorry for the part she or her family played.
Here's some links to a few articles:
http://stcharlesjournal.stltoday.com/news/sj2tn20071110-1111stc_pokin_1.ii1.txt (http://stcharlesjournal.stltoday.com/news/sj2tn20071110-1111stc_pokin_1.ii1.txt)
http://www.stltoday.com/stltoday/news/stories.nsf/stcharles/story/77D27634D36233968625739800167159?OpenDocument (http://www.stltoday.com/stltoday/news/stories.nsf/stcharles/story/77D27634D36233968625739800167159?OpenDocument)
http://www.chicagotribune.com/services/newspaper/printedition/saturday/chi-suicidenov17,0,2946138.story (http://www.chicagotribune.com/services/newspaper/printedition/saturday/chi-suicidenov17,0,2946138.story)
http://abcnews.go.com/TheLaw/story?id=3888606&page=1 (http://abcnews.go.com/TheLaw/story?id=3888606&page=1)
(abc news has a video clip next to article)
Here's a link to a CNN interview of Megan's parents.
http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/11/17/internet.suicide.ap/index.html?iref=newssearch#cnnSTCVideo (http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/11/17/internet.suicide.ap/index.html?iref=newssearch#cnnSTCVideo)
(hit refresh or reload if video doesn't start right away...this can be hard to watch)
Cyberbullying is relational aggression taken on-line, but I think this goes way beyond that. It sounds like Megan fell victim to someone with a serious personality disorder who took Megan's rejection of her daughter personally. No boundaries, no empathy, no remorse.
I think that's why I'm freaking out so much about this story. I can literally feel the evil in this story.
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:cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:
(((((((((((((((((((((Megan and Megan's family)))))))))))))))))))))))))))
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You know, relational aggression is tragic...but this is beyond that. I've been dealing with relational aggression for a long time, and help women who are still dealing with scars from childhood or who are finding themselves facing it in their work.
But this cyberbullying was perpetrated by a grown middle aged woman against a 13 year old child. I know relational aggression can cross boundaries, including age groups, but I just haven't heard of it in this extreme before.
What really gets me is the total lack of remorse and the show of sympathy to Megan's grieving family, when she knew full well what she did to contribute to that child's death. That's what I just can't seem to deal with.
And then to tell the parents to "give it a rest", when this came out again, like they were the one's being inappropriate here? It's like having my abuser tell me to move on, to let it go...I mean, how dare I try to deal with his lies, his verbal and emotional abuse?
I know this is really triggering stuff in me...this woman's lack of remorse, her response to this tragedy.
And do you know that the law has said they can't hold this woman accountable for her actions, even though in my mind I can see what a hate crime it is and that, as an adult who impersonated a young person of the opposite sex and stalked this child down on the internet, is no less a predator than the guys you see getting caught by law enforcers.
But guess who has the criminal charges filed against them? Megan's father for destroying the foosball table when he discovered how these people had driven his daughter to suicide and then played them for fools throughout her funeral and the weeks after. The woman filed charges against him!
How's that for gall?
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She may escape criminal charges but she sure as heck is on the hook for civil penalties if Megan's parents wanted to press it.
Hard to imagine a jury looking the other way, and you know if they started digging there is way more under the rocks that hasn't come out.
Sickening.
mud
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Hi Mudpuppy,
That is a good idea and I wish they'd do it, but my understanding at this time is that Megan's parents aren't interested in civil penalties. They want to make changes in the laws that would afford children greater protection. I don't know how successful they will be or even exactly what they want to see changed or set in place. But one thing for sure, this has taken the blogging community by storm.
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Dear DreamSinger,
Megan's story has been haunting me all night. I don't understand people like this, and I don't think I ever will. The evil is tangible.
Peace
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Finding Peace-
You are so right. Hope you have a blessed holiday.
Love and Thanks from Your Friend,
Changing
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Finding Peace, I too am haunted by this. There's been a terrible backlash though surrounding this story, and I'm interested in seeing how it pans out. In one sense it's a kind of justice, but in another it's scary. The emotional reaction by bloggers have been incredibly intense. I've been reading a number of blogs, and the comments run into the hundreds on them...one will probably reach 1,000 in a short while.
The abusers have been "outed", their names, addresses, phone numbers, places of work, etc have all been posted on the internet. Just tonight, someone found a photo of Lori Drew, the accused woman...actually, she confessed her part in a police report, and that's been posted on the internet, as well. I believe it's a screen shot from a news program. They no longer have the protection of anonymity as they have this past year
There's going to be a peaceful demonstration in their neighborhood to show support for the Meier's, I believe this Saturday (I hope it remains peaceful - I believe in the organizer's intent and desire to be respectful and keep it peaceful). They want to raise money to pay for the fine the Meiers have to pay for destroying the foos ball table when they found out their neighbors had driven their daughter to suicide. Incredibly, the Drew's actually filed a criminal complaint against the Meiers and won their judgment.
Anyway, the dynamics are very intense, and also quite dangerous in that people are posting things without verification or claim to have verified something without showing their source of information or explaining how...and too many people are taking things on face value and running with it.
I despise what was done, but I keep thinking, "What if someone were wrong? What if an innocent person got pointed out?" And in fact, there is another person by the name of Lori Drew who isn't this woman, at all, except she shares the same name and from what I understand, she's received some nasty calls.
This whole thing is crazy...
The bottom line is that a very evil and hateful thing was done and the consequences are irreversible. I just hope more innocent people don't get hurt. I don't know how far this is going to escalate. On one blog, the bloggers are starting to focus on the third party, an employee of the mother, who opened the MySpace account with the mother and monitored messages with her, as well. There are some people who think she should be kept out of this because they say she's a child, but then someone stated she's 18, and they feel she's just as guilty and want to hound her, as well.
I part of me just wants to scream "STOP!", but it just seems like this thing is running out of control...
And then there's the horrible reality of what the Drew's did to this child. But as if that wasn't enough... how could these people have acted all compassionate and caring to the Meiers afterwards, and even asked the Meier's to do something for them by keeping that foos ball in storage? That just blows me away...
I'm in shock over the hoax...but I think what's serving as a triggering factor for me is the play acting the "next day" to the grieving parents.
I recognize this energy, I can feel it...it has the same smell, the same presence of my childhood home, when Daddy could abuse his daughters in the middle of the night and then act like it never happened and be Mr. Wonderful Father and and expect us to be adoring good children back, oh yes, and the good law enforcer...he was a criminal investigator.
My heart is breaking...I swear, I work a lot with hurting women and children...I sing at victim rights vigils and memorials, I listen to victims tell their stories of grief and loss in candle lighting ceremonies, I hold hands, I offer my shoulder and I have my own story, but this one, as you've said...haunts me...
I will need to find a way to resolve this within myself. All I can do now is watch these events unfold...there's something that needs to be said
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But this cyberbullying was perpetrated by a grown middle aged woman against a 13 year old child. I know relational aggression can cross boundaries, including age groups, but I just haven't heard of it in this extreme before.
What really gets me is the total lack of remorse and the show of sympathy to Megan's grieving family, when she knew full well what she did to contribute to that child's death.
Dear DreamSinger,
Seemingly then, NO-ONE came to this child's aid --- with the culpable Bystanders and Witnesses, choosing to sit back and watch, enjoy, the drama unfold and escalate, with some joining in! To the point of no return.
Society : sign of the times, in which we live.
Perpetrators --- guilty, as evidenced, of the total destruction of a young life, with premeditated, planned, THOUGHTS and WORDS.
The woman is a dangerous individual, a highly skilled Emotional Manipulator, both cunning and devious, as evidenced.
Cyberbullying is a true fact and it effects the human heart, soul and minds --- it is part of the real world!
Foolishness, to think, that one can switch a computer off and the words will disappear --- they have been imparted to the person and there they remain.
Personal ACCOUNTABILITY and RESPONSIBILITY for ones actions is a necessity in life when engaging with other human beings.
WORDS are powerful --- they can either; build or destroy!
Sincerely yours,
Leah
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The fact that this grown woman, a mother, can drive a child to suicide then skip away scott free..... is so unfair.
I'm speechless to find an adult was behind this entire charade.
And she takes no responsibility for her actions. ::shaking head in disgust::
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For ANY ADULT that would do something THAT EVIL TO A CHILD, AND THE CHILD's FAMILY......I believe there is a special place in !@#$ where these evil MONSTERS will burn for ETERNITY!
Bones
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Classifying this case a harassment issue completely fails to address the most serious aspects of the methods Lori Drew employed to lead this youth to her demise.
Considering this case a harassment issue is incorrect because during the 5 weeks Lori Drew baited and groomed her victim, the attention was NOT unwanted attention. It was not harassment at all. It was invited attention.
Megan participated in the conversations willingly because she was lured, manipulated and exploited without her knowledge.
It’s important to understand the difference between a bully, whether covert or overt ........ and a predator.
http://weeklyvice.blogspot.com/2007/11/megan-meier-new-law-with-fatal-flaw.html (http://weeklyvice.blogspot.com/2007/11/megan-meier-new-law-with-fatal-flaw.html)
Premediated by a Predator : planned and executed, by a woman, who is a mother!
Shocking and Evil
The truth.
Leah
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On top of all this Megan's mother said that Megan had gone on trips with this family and the other mother knew she suffered from depression and was on medications for it.
If Megan's parents don't want to seem to profit from their daughter's death then they could sue this woman and donate the proceeds over and above their costs to a charity in Megans' name. Letting this woman off scot free just encourages the next nut to do the same thing.
mud
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I recognize this energy, I can feel it...it has the same smell, the same presence of my childhood home, when Daddy could abuse his daughters in the middle of the night and then act like it never happened and be Mr. Wonderful Father and and expect us to be adoring good children back, oh yes, and the good law enforcer...he was a criminal investigator.
Me too. :cry:
Like you I too am torn - on the one hand I want this woman to pay, but at what cost - who else will pay a price for this woman's evil?
Something else has been troubling me. I am so glad for the outrage expressed by so many on Megan's behalf. The thing I am troubled by is why isn't there this type of public outcry every time a chid is abused or taken advantage of, or murdered. I don't say this to take away from the outrage expressed on behalf of Megan, this is as it should be IMO.
Why isn't society outraged to this extent every time a child, wife, husband, the elderly, is abused or worse murdered? Have we become numb to it?
Peace
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The internet's the sign of the times.
Human weakness and sociopaths attending to their regular business have always been a part of life.
No matter the Century, they're always here.
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Peace said:
Something else has been troubling me. I am so glad for the outrage expressed by so many on Megan's behalf. The thing I am troubled by is why isn't there this type of public outcry every time a chid is abused or taken advantage of, or murdered. I don't say this to take away from the outrage expressed on behalf of Megan, this is as it should be IMO.
Why isn't society outraged to this extent every time a child, wife, husband, the elderly, is abused or worse murdered? Have we become numb to it?
I think so, but also, I think we have come to accept abuse when it happens in different circumstances. Like it's okay for a husband to beat his wife, and even if it's no longer okay, it's accepted that that's how it is for some people. You know what I mean? It's not like it's "Oh, my God, I can't believe that happened!" kind of thing, but "Oh, yeah isn't that horrible...why didn't she leave?"
Or the whole parental right comes in with beating children, so that even though there's more anger towards broken bones and bashed in faces, children are still seen in many ways as owned by their parents and it's just accepted as how things are for some people. We just see it as unfortunate but there's "regular" abuse and then "sensational" abuse, like the kinds that make the news.
It's amazing but I just read a quote from a lawyer that said any kind of anti-harassment law can be seen as a threat to free speech and that bullying is a part of growing up.
Yet, we have laws against racial epithets and laws to protect people against slander and libel. As a writer, you can't just print anything you want about anyone, even if it's true, if it causes them distress, unless it's a public figure. But for most people there's an expectation of privacy and peace of mind. Unless you're a minor, apparently.
I just don't get it. How can we see that as part of growing up? Megan didn't stay around long enough to see how ugly it really could get. Some kids go through this for months, years and there's no limit to the ways kids can come up with to humiliate one of their peers.
Just because something is "normal", in that it happens often in society, doesn't mean it's right! And we, also, didn't have the arsenal of the internet and various electronic devices to target someone "back in the day". Times have changed, and so has the nature of bullying, but not our attitudes.
Then there's just stuff that we don't get angry about because we just don't acknowledge it.
Understand, that Megan's suicide happened a year ago. People are only getting wind of it now, but an article was written last year just as it was written again this year. The neighborhood and town of O'Fallen have known and there have been personal vendettas occurring there, but only now has the internet picked it up. It's the global community that has forced this to come to light, and they are the ones who are totally outraged...almost out of control, at times.
I wonder how the parents of other victims of on-line cyberbullying, those young people who also committed suicide feel about all this attention, and their kids received virtually none - because they were driven to their death by their peers and not through the help of an adult? But Megan never knew - according to her mother Tina, who I feel is the more credible source, that Josh Evans was a hoax. She killed herself because she went into an emotional crisis after who she thought was her boyfriend and all these people on the internet turned on her simultaneously and began broadcasting to a large general list cruel messages about her. That this happened at the hands of an adult is what infuriates people - not that this happened at all.
So there are a number of issues here. One is cyberbullying and the other is, as Leah put a link to, the issue of child predation, which is what Lori Drew did and it ended in suicide. When men do it, it can end in abduction, rape or murder...but they both share the dynamics of predatory behavior.
There's just so much in this that can make people hate Lori. Her total refusal to accept responsibility and her lack of remorse. The gall she showed in suing Ron Meier for destroying her foos ball when he found out her part in driving Megan to suicide and the way she and her family played the Meier's after Megan's death. Plus the fact that she got protection of anonymity (the bloggers took care of that) and the law officials pretty much swept the whole thing under the rug. The Meier's were told to keep quiet while an investigation was going on, and then discovered after the fact, that the investigation had been dropped, because the officials claimed they had nothing to charge them with.
See Leah's link as to why that's not true.
There's one blog that has the most activity about this incident, and from what I see, most of the people want two things. For Lori to admit culpability and show some remorse. That's it.
Sound familiar? Who among us here wouldn't love at least some kind of acknowledgment and show of remorse from our abusers that what they had done was wrong and that they had hurt us?
They don't really know what they're dealing with though. I have a feeling the bloggers will see a lot more defiance and justification before they hear an apology, even a lame one.
Some others would also like to see the Drews move, but the acknowledgment and genuine remorse is what people mainly want.
Last night there was a candlelight vigil for Megan. Over 150 people showed up and it remained peaceful. I am happy for that. And there's now over 83 candles lit for Megan in the candle group i set up for Megan at Gratefulness.org from six different countries.
You know, I think this is the first time for many people to come "face to face" with a personality like this. Unfortunately, it's old hat for many of us here - not that it makes it easier, but somehow seeing the revulsion from others in the face of these narcissistic personality disordered type traits, can be a validation to some of us who are still struggling over whether what we experienced was abuse or not...
It was.
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On top of all this Megan's mother said that Megan had gone on trips with this family and the other mother knew she suffered from depression and was on medications for it.
If Megan's parents don't want to seem to profit from their daughter's death then they could sue this woman and donate the proceeds over and above their costs to a charity in Megans' name. Letting this woman off scot free just encourages the next nut to do the same thing.
mud
I agree and think the Meiers should reconsider their decision to not press civil charges...however, I don't think they will get much from the Drews. It will only be symbolic, because of the wrath of the bloggers, the husband is on extended leave from his real estate job, and their advertising business is under fire, as well. A list of their advertisers and contact info has been posted at various places on the internet, and from what I understand, people from all around have been calling them.
I know how I feel about what happened, but I'm scared about this kind of cyber vigilantism or about any kind of action that is motivated by rage - whether it's justified or not. Example: Someone just posted that the voice mail of Lori Drew is posted on YouTube - except someone else had posted earlier that they believed their voicemail had been hacked. Still, someone posted a recording of that on YouTube. The purpose can only be to incite greater hate toward the Drews.
That's wrong. First, they don't need any help in that area - they are doing fine just by themselves, and two, it's just irresponsible to be publishing things without research or verification, but it's happening and there's no stopping it at this point.
I've never witnessed a mob with a noose, but I feel like I am now.
I have to say though, there are MANY people who are outraged and don't want to "stoop to that level", whose anger motivates them to do something positive and healing. They are an inspiration to me.
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Vigilantism, while usually wrong, also usually occurs as a result of laws not being enforced and a crime going unpunished.
In this case the civil laws are not being enforced, but since they are civil laws, it is by the parents choice.
Were the Drews facing some legal consequences I believe the chance of someone taking the law into their own hands would subside greatly.
mud
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Does anyone know the URL of a blog where we could read more about this?
(((((((((((((Dreamsinger)))))))))))))))
Hops
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They are all on Page 1 of this thread Hops
The stcharlesjournal .... gives a full account, from the parents.
"A real person, a real death"
Love, Leah
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BTW, I just bought a copy of PEOPLE magazine from the grocery store newstand and discovered an article about this within the December 3rd edition.
Bones
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i don't think getting a confession of remorse from the perpetrator would be worth much. The woman who drove a child to suicide probably isn't capable of remorse. These people are remorseless and without conscience. This person just happened to have been outed. This kind of assasination is so much more common than is popularly thought.
I don't want the perpetrator to voice remorse because it would be phony. On the other hand she is a lightening rod for all kinds of crazy, violent people now and her act of obsessively trying to protect her own child from harm has opened up the gates of hell for herself and her family.
I agree that some kind of legal action might diffuse the mob desire for vengeance. Hope so.
I also hope that people become more aware of the despair that so many children in our culture face alone. There are signs that children give that indicate they are at the end of their rope. So many people need to find their voice. It is really sad.
Sea storm