Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Lupita on December 19, 2007, 05:23:59 PM
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I believe I had the EDD. Because I remember in my country a couple of missionaries started accepting me in their family and suddenly I started feeling better. Then one of their daughters got jealous of me and chased me out. Twenty years later I come to work where I am and Mr. V starts helping me, I start to improve and all the teachers get jealous, his wife too, and I have to stop my conversations with Mr. V. Now I ever see Mr. V. Now I got Observer paying so much attention to me. I started feeling better and now Observer will not come back.
I think as long as any guest does not do anything inappropriate should not be given a hard time. Observer was a great help to me.
Always, there is somebody who damages me. Wherever I go. I have never ever ever found a place where there was at least one person who damaged me. For no reason.
I call it bad luck.
I need to fight this thought. I am feeling extremely sad. I am having fire crackers in my head. Why to damage me? What does it matter if somebody is helping? Who cares is somebody is helping?
OK, Observer, where ever you are you can see this board. I am combating this negative thought. I do not have to feel bad because Observer was chased away. I do not have to feel bad. I will keep reading my book, and the most important, I will not run away from the board because I got hurt. I will stay. God, I am so sad!
Why is it always me? Why? I have not done anything wrong. I was coming fro school after a bad day just looking for answers. O God, why do you abandone me?
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Dear (( Lupita ))
Observer had to post yesterday as the person (I don't give two hoots who the person is he/she) said that they were going away on a 2 week holiday (think it said 2 weeks). Which is why Observer left such a long post for you yesterday.
With lots of website links and recommendations, one in particular looks really insightful. So you have lots to do, as well as your book.
Hopefully, Observer will come back on and read the "Frustration" thread, after the holiday, and read it and know that there are those, myself included, who wish Observer to come on board and contribute here in posting.
As for me, I have enjoyed what Observer has posted too, so I very much hope so too.
Don't be discouraged. All your work, that you have done yourself, remember, has been truly wonderful to * see * in you. Well done you!!
Love, Leah
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Dear Observer, would you consider the possibility to say "I do not wish to share my story right now" instead of leaving me?
Thank you anyway for all the time that you dedicated. It was very fruitful. If you change your mind, please, come back and keep posting.
God bless you.
Thank you Lea for your good wishes.
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You are very welcome, Lupita,
Love, Leah
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Lupita I am sure Observer will come back when there is time. You are a lovely person and are making great changes. I am so encouraged that you say right away that you mean to stick with it and combat the negative thoughts - you have so many times proven you have the perseverance and the will to make things happen.
I have to go as the baby is clamoring for me and may not be able to check in again, but I will be thinking of you fighting and winning as I know many others here will be also. (((lupita!)))
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I remember my mother being suspicious of anybody who wanted to do something fo rme. O God, that triggers me so much.
I have to combat this feeling. Iam not going to feel bad.
On top I had a bad day at school.
And tomorrow, semester exam for my terrible sixth period.
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Cant think clearly. I am in shock. I am confused. Sorry.
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Dear Lupita,
Coincidentally, my mother did that to me also, as she just had to try and keep me down, and in a way, codependent upon her.
I see that now.
Iphi is right, you do have the willpower, truly, your willpower shines, and you clearly have the determination to see this through.
Very best wishes to you,
Love, Leah
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Lupita,
It's ok, Lupita, it's ok. You are still able to think, because you have recognized that this feels triggering. I want to say to you- if a person is making a journey on the ice, and they fall, they hurt when they hit the ground. But when they get up, they can look back and see it was a fall, it hurt, but they did not lose the ground they covered, because no one made that journey but them, no matter who might have pointed the way for them.
You have made this journey Lupita, and you get to claim the work. Others helped, and pointed the way, but you took the steps.
((( Lupita bathed in God's loving care as she pauses))
cats paw
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Thanks Iphi :(
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Thanks Cat.
Why do I feel attacked? I was not attacked, but I feel I was attacked.
So, I have to see this accuarately. The facts. My party was ruined. I will have more "Fiesta" later, with somebody else. God will provide another mentor, or Observer will come back. Or I will learn on my own.
My mom did this so many times. So many.
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Yes, Lupita, and I do believe you can work through to seeing this accurately.
If you don't mind, would you say what the name of the 700 page book is? Is it the one by Ellis?
cat
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Lupita,
It's ok, Lupita, it's ok. You are still able to think, because you have recognized that this feels triggering. I want to say to you- if a person is making a journey on the ice, and they fall, they hurt when they hit the ground. But when they get up, they can look back and see it was a fall, it hurt, but they did not lose the ground they covered, because no one made that journey but them, no matter who might have pointed the way for them.
You have made this journey Lupita, and you get to claim the work. Others helped, and pointed the way, but you took the steps.
((( Lupita bathed in God's loving care as she pauses))
cats paw
Dear Cats Paw,
That is so very true, and so good to * see *
Serves as a wise reminder along our journey.
Love, Leah
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Feeling Good by David Burns MD book and workbook.
With written exercises, write the feeling, identify what was the thought that provoked that feeling, thinking errors, identify the distorsion, then present the evidence plus pros anf cons of the thought.
I am in the chapter of anxiety. Anxiety is provoked by the feeling of danger. You can feel danger if your boss critizice you. Then you feel anxiety. Etc.
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I forgot, first you write the event that precipitated the feeling. But the event caused thoughts and the thoughts cased feelings, etc.
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Try to provide your thought with a rational response rather than the automatic responses that come from your hiden fears.
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I'm familiar with it, I think I have a copy somewhere- I couldn't remember if that was the one you said was really helping.
Did the therapist help you in this way, or did she have a different approach?
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The lady has the same approache but I have seen her only two times.
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I just pray the Lord to forgive me for the mistakes I made with my son. I pray the Lord to help me survive my sixth period semester exam tomorrow. I am going to take a pill and go to bed. Just do not want to be awake. Please Lord, bless my son, please.
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Wait a second. I just identified the feeling. "I always lose"
Not true. I do not always lose. I am discounting the positive. For several consecutive days I was having a wonderful day. So, the rational response is, i do not always lose.
Still, it feels so lonely here.
Good night.
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Dear Lupita,
It won't always feel lonely, after you have healed.
That feeling went for me, instead I feel content.
Hope the same for you too.
Love, Leah
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I did lose track of that part you wrote about her. Was it eight sessions that you were going to have assistance with? Are you going to continue, or did you stop?
Hey, just saw you were going to go to sleep as I tried to post the above. I'm really glad you will get some needed rest.
Good Night, Lupita ...
Again, I tried to post, but now I can add Muey Bien ? You identified it ! Fill in the Spanish words I tried tomorrow, Lupita.
Sweet dreams.
Cat
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I'm so sorry Lupita.
Please forgive me when you can.
Hops
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Good morning everyone. I was asked to play for the children's chapel, elementary. The musci teacher there never liked me. Now I do not know if that is a set up or what. Maybe they are going to mislead the children so the singing comes bad. Who knows.
Rational thinking, they cannot be that evil. Today I will practice with the kindergarden principal. There are two ways to see it. She wants to make me feel bad, or this is an opportunity to gain her trust. Maybe with this I can show her that I am not a threat to her that I wish she could be my friend. So, in the middle of my sitorsion I still try to reason, although my stomach says bad, my brain says this is a wnderful opportunty to make friends with the K Principal. I wil try to please her as much as possible.
Can somebody refute my ideas?
That is what I miss from Observer. Her language was very professional. His/Her language was from a person who has cone to college for psichology purposes. Observer talked with scientific words.
Public in general talk in a more moral way. More personal. Public in general are almost always bias towards something. Observer was very impartial. Not critizicing, "well, I told you already.....bla bla bla", not pointing the finger. I hate the "You dont have God in your heart, I have god yin my heart and I am wonderful" ..... I hate that. Observer didnt do that.
I needed more prove, evidence, and Observer has the knowledge. Observer gave evidence, not just vague advise. Like your inner child, who the f*ck is the baby inside, I am not pregnat, Observer provided something I understood. No the so called "layers" I am not a snake to change skins. The fact that I do not know if Observer is a man or a woman is irrelevant. Observer talks like a man, but a man is never busy with shopping. man just dont do it.
Anyway, there I go to overcome my sixth period. Praise the Lord for all my other classes, they are wonderful. Sixth period it is hard to put them to work. They do not want to work. As simple as that.
One more day. What is the purpose of my existence? One more day.
Please, God, dont punish me for not beein grateful to be alive one more day.
Hopalong, please, give me a few days. I will respond to you in a few days. I do not wish to respond right now. Thank you for your understanding. It is not about ofrgiveness. I am just frustrated right now. It will pass.
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Dear Lupita,
Just want you to know that you have my respect and admiration for your total honesty, frankness, openness.
You are real, and genuine, what you * see * is what you get. That's what I like about you, honestly.
Observer is an intelligent person, that says it all, really.
Personally, I thoroughly enjoyed, and appreciated, and in a learning sense, all that Observer took the time and energy to share here, for you, and for others too, as there are many many guests who sit alongside, and read the resources here.
Likewise, I have no connection with the 'inner child' and 'layers' theory either.
Keep being you, Lupita.
That's the best one can be, is to be, yourself.
All the very best for today.
Love, Leah
Edit in: As Cat's Paw points out, and it is so very true, that ....... "Other people do not find cognitve therapy methods to be what works for them, that's why there are so many languages of healing available for people."
What works for one person may not work for another, and vice versa.
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Hi Lupita,
Observer was very skilled and intelligent, and provided a method that some people find very helpful, just as D. Burns provided the method along with his book and workbook.
Other people do not find cognitve therapy methods to be what works for them, that's why there are so many languages of healing
available for people. I'm glad you have identified what does NOT work for you as well as what does.
I agree that Observer has knowledge, yet you are the one who found the evidence by working with the method.
What irrational thoughts are you wanting to refute ? Can you isolate them, one at a time?
Cat
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Good evening dear friends. I do not feel like posting at all. But I believe that I have to honor those poeple who took the time to write and write them back.
Sixth period semester exam was wonderful. Thye behaved very nicely and and I had not one single student failing the exam. Those are the days that make me feel important. Feel that I am something. Bad for the part that depends on outside factors, like student behavior.
Well, it seems that it is not a set up. The music teacher has final exams and cant do the elementary chapel. That is why. Good for me. I could have been gone since tonight, but have to go becuase of the chapel, but I feel so good that I am going to participate, that I do not mind at all to work one extraday.
Thank you cat and lea.
Hop, I am not mad at you. Just frustrated. It made me feel sensations of the past with my mother and with other friends. I had a friend who asked me to let her know before i went to her house but she always came to my house with out calling before, and many like that. I have never interfered with anybody's conversation. I really thought that you went beyond your responsibilities as a member. But you did, and I do not want to waste a friend like you because of one thing.
So, I hope that from now on we can forget about that with the hope that I will find another person with the knowledge and time to devote to me as Observer was doing.
I will run to my mail box and come back. Maybe to the gym too. Naaaa, I am exhausted.
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Whew.... so glad sixth period exams went well for you, Lupita.
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Thank you, Lupita.
I earned your frustration, thank you for forgiving me.
I think you are making enormous cognitive leaps.
the hope that I will find another person with the knowledge and time to devote to me as Observer was doing
I hope so, too, Lup.
love to you,
Hops
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Hop, do you remember Bornfree? He posted in one of my threads, he posted about depression in a very professional way. Also, Unconditional, posted about the EDD also in a very professional way and language.
I never heard of Bornfree again nor Unconditional. It is sad that those do not post frequently becuase they sound very knowledgeable.
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My sentiments also, Lupita.
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I do remember the names, Lupita....but don't remember the posts.
I hope someone who can walk through cognitive work in just the way you need will soon be here again.
love,
Hops
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Thinking of you. I'm sorry for your pain and frustation. ((Lupita))