Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Overcomer on February 14, 2008, 07:03:20 AM
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Have found out that an ex employee who my mom fired is opening a store just like ours a mile away. I told my mom that if the motivation for his store is revenge then God cannot bless him. But I also told her that if the motivation for our store is to meet her need for attention then God has not blessed us and he will continue to not. This puts a whole new spin on things. He hired one of our key people away and she was trying to get other great people to go as well. Any insight?
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My first reaction is that the former employee sees an opportunity that you have talked about for some time. You have mentioned many times that your mother refuses to do some things that would really increase business. Seems like that employee recognizes a way to reach clientel that your store is not reaching.
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Your faith is strong Kelly- your words are spot-on.
G_d is knowing there is enough for everyone, maybe this will open your mother's eyes and you can use it to show her something as GS cleverly remembers!
~W
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By the way OC, maybe there is a more pleasant opportunity for you at this other store?
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Funny and I still have a good relationship with him and I even suggested it during one of my moments with mom but that is one place he will not go. No I am still working towards making it and leaving but today I am going to give her an ultimatum-let me run the store without you or I will leave as soon as possible.
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woo-hoo, you go Kelly!!!
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I feel good about your ultimatum, Kelly. Let us know what happens. Ami
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Dear Kelly,
Well... you'd think she might learn that the world really doesn't rotate around her and that life goes on, even for people whom she dismisses! Maybe this is one of those life crises which has the potential for shaking npd awake... I dunno. What was your mom's reaction to all this?
And I'm curious, what were her grounds for firing this man in the first place?
Love,
Carolyn
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He always had a dream to open a Christian bookstore. He used my mom to fund the dream. He conned her into saying him too much etc. Then my mom hired my drunken boyfriend who convinced her that the first guy was worthless so she get him go but the drunk got to stay. There was really bad blood all the way around. In all actuality BOTH men needed to go. The first guy did one thing wrong-he did not worship the ground my mom walked on.
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In all actuality BOTH men needed to go. The first guy did one thing wrong-he did not worship the ground my mom walked on.
Thanks for your response, Kelly... just about what I expected.
Carolyn
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Dear Kelly,
I am in business myself and always feel a bit `scared' when more competition arises. One company started up early last year that completely ripped off several of my best designs, and advertised them in the same place as I do.
I did feel vulnerable about it. But I also thought, if that guy is so insecure that he can't even think up his own ideas, then hes not going to be much competition.
A year later, our business is still growing steadily and we are surviving. If he is taking away any of our business, I do not resent it. He probably has kids to feed, and we're doing ok. I still keep coming up with new ideas, but I am bit more careful with protecting myself now.
Good luck with you ultimatum kelly!
X bella
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Well my mom and aunt and I had a meeting today and mom totally took charge. I realized that this new venture will probably invigorate her! She is always up for a fight. If she acts like this tomorrow I will not be in a position to take over-it is really time to go as soon as I can.
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Dear Kelly,
I WISH your M could appreciate you. I can tell from knowing you here, that any "normal" M would be happy to have a daughter like you. I am sorry that your M is too shut down to see what she has. Love, Ami
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(((((((Kelly))))))) I don't believe that your mom will ever allow you to take over. I'm sorry... just don't see that entering her mind. The queen simply doesn't abdicate her throne willingly... and I feel that the quicker you remove that possibility from your list of "maybes"... the better off you'll be.
Love,
Carolyn
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Yes indeed. But I told her yesterday-If we do not start running this store differently you might as well get your checkbook out and keep writing checks.
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I think that my new lesson applies to your situation,Kelly. We can't control the other person,just OUR responses. It helps ,very much. to see this,IMO. Love Ami
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Yes indeed. But I told her yesterday-If we do not start running this store differently you might as well get your checkbook out and keep writing checks.
Kelly, if she has some sort of magical belief that she'll always come out on top - simply because of her persona - then she's really in a trap... and so is anyone who's intimately involved with her.
Have you seen similar situations? ... where the prideful one is so determined to prove that she/he was never wrong in the first place, that she'll go down with the ship rather than change her ways? When it hurts more to admit that you're wrong than it does to go under (in which case, someone else can always be conveniently blamed)... pathological N will go under every time. In fact, that's one of the main differences I've noted between my N-ex and those I've known with N'ish traits (including myself). He didn't care if it cost him his last cent and he wound up sleeping in an old bus. He would not relent. The rest of us have the potential - and will - to wake up and smell the coffee.
Carolyn
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Both great posts. You really cannot do anything to change the other guy-you just have to do your best. And it is true with my mom. She will keep putting money in just to be perceived as successful.
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Dear Kelly,
IF I could really learn the lesson that I can ONLY control myself, I would be in much better shape.. It is a good route to go on, IMO, for myself. Love Ami
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I learned this very lesson this week. We cannot control what he does only what we do in response to him. We worry about being our best and let him try to figure out how to run a store in this economy.
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This lesson is so big, Kelly. I am, now , trying to apply it to more and more parts of my life.
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Well, one thing I have learned through out this whole thing is YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW. But I also feel that Ns (like my mom) do not for a moment think that it is something THEY did to create a particular outcome that is not favorable. My mom's behavior kind of forced this guy to retaliate. She chose a drunken loser over this other man to run the business and I can tell you.....No Christian business should have a drunken loser in charge.
And my mom could have nipped some of the behavior in the bud.....but she is noncongrontational until she is angry then she grits her teeth and is very mean.. She also harbors grudges. But the man who is opening the store is Italian and I joked with him about breaking our legs.......he is definitely mad at mom and trying to stick it to her. But because of that he is jeoparizing his own business and I cannot believe his investors would sacrifice their money for a business so close to the biggest store in the state. Oh, well, maybe he has been honest about what a horrible person my mom is and they are all about putting her in her place. But you know? Christians are supposed to be loving and forgiving. I have seen so many Christians that do not act that way at all!
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Kelly,
Your mom didn't really force him to do anything, though... other than to go out on his own, rather than as a part of her business. She didn't force him to try to un-do her or put her into his place. If that's really his game, then it's coming from something inside him... you know? Maybe she even saw that in him before... a co -N'ish-ness... and maybe that's why she didn't want him in the business?
I dunno...