Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Ami on June 06, 2008, 08:24:37 AM
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I want to extend a hand to anyone who has not posted b/c topice were about toilets and other nonsense that diminishes
the beautiful gift we have been given--the board.
People have expressed fear of posting, such as Littlejo.
I, for one, have posted more, today, in an effort to start the trend back to the beauty of the board.
This is like life, where we have to trim weeds in the garden,or they take over and leave a patch of nothingness.
Ami
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Hi Ami,
As I understood it, LittleJo realized she felt unsafe right after reading Izzy's post of your PM to her in which you speculated that one member was impersonating another member whom you believed was actually dead.
That alarmed LittleJo and she went away.
My feeling about long silly threads about toilets and Neti pots is that we need to laugh, silliness is sacred and humor is a gift.
Laughter eases pain, so if anybody needs a goofy tangent, I hope they'll goof away.
And that is the essential freedom of the board, as ever: to read what you like and avoid what you don't.
love,
Hops
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We can agree to disagree,Hops, and still be friends, I hope. Ami
PS At any rate, I gave my reasons for pursuing the truth on the password thread. This thread would better be served ,IMO, by discussing the benefits of healing threads vs.toilet threads, Hops.
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It is said, Laughter is the best medicine....
sometimes what we struggle through in healing IS humorous, though it usually doesn't seem that way at the time.
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Hi Ami,
As I understood it, LittleJo realized she felt unsafe right after reading Izzy's post of your PM to her in which you speculated that one member was impersonating another member whom you believed was actually dead.
That alarmed LittleJo and she went away.
My feeling about long silly threads about toilets and Neti pots is that we need to laugh, silliness is sacred and humor is a gift.
Laughter eases pain, so if anybody needs a goofy tangent, I hope they'll goof away.
And that is the essential freedom of the board, as ever: to read what you like and avoid what you don't.
love,
Hops
This is precisely the way I understand it, as well.
Three cheers for essential freedom and individuality of expression.
Carolyn
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But...
but...
but...
but...
Hops, Amber, CH....
what about the beautifacation committee? :shock:
::whispering::
To weed out the unsavory voices?
And gardening posts :shock:
Lighter
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Interesting, Lighter
Upon reflection ....
I have posted on all the gardening threads (including the "anything" thread) as that is my hobby.
Wherein, I have shared of my gardening experiences and of what I have been taught, and learned.
Just remembered, that a while back, I created a thread "Laughter is medicine thread" in January'08
http://www.voicelessness.com/disc3//index.php?board=2.0 (http://www.voicelessness.com/disc3//index.php?board=2.0)
I created a Simplicity thread, then another simpliclity thread followed soon after.
Oh, and a "books, movies, and wotnot" thread.
Of course, I do post of my spiritual walk and journey etc.
I think I have posted in an all round balanced fashion with keen a interest in varying genres.
I try to be supportive and encouraging.
I don't expect anything in return, as I genuinely post unconditionally, with serenity.
Love, Leah
> What committee? I am only aware of the board membership agreement.
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Dear Ami,
I have to agree with Hops and Carolyn here. There might be some short sightedness on your part, Ami. However, I can understand the frustration of what you are going through. When we have been bullied in the past, even covert bullying, it can really get us down and make us look like the one with the issue.
We will do anything to expose the aggressor in order to try to repair the damage.
As for the topic of deep healing threads vs small talk...I personally think that there should be a separate category here on the board for "whatever." This way people here who have long term connections with each others and want to just have friendly light hearted chat, as well as we do need each other and our voice even for the trivial stuff of life, can have a place to hang on the board. They can have their voice because that is IMO the main point of the board.
Let's say that you walked into a meeting, hurting looking for people who care and can empathize, the first thing you hear is about someone's broken heater or appliance problem...you think to yourself.. wow...my problem is that I can't sleep, I hate myself, I am suicidal, I'm having memories that I cannot make sense of and my family/boyfriend/co-worker/husband/wife abused me and that person's worst issues is about an appliance...it has a minimizing shaming effect.
But that is just "my voice" my opinion....let the Dr. Grossman work it out - I might be shortsighted. The problems the board has are always going to be here...it is how I choose to respond the issues that matters. You have done what you can do, now the rest is in God's hands AND the moderator, our Dr. G.
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You have a lot of wisdom ,Lise.
Also, I want to nominate myself as head of the beautfication commitee. Ami
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Well -- ahem, as one who posted on the toilet post -- we could interpret the thread as having a deeper subconscious meaning about dealing with ______.
I'm saying this in jest, but actually, if that had happened in my therapy group, our therapist would have lead us into that meaning, and what we were really saying ... and thus, feeling.
Now I'm thinking one more step ... since this is a message board about healing, perhaps the analogy of the thread and group isn't so far-fetched. Maybe we were talking about ... stuff ... in our lives ...
Hmmmmm. Food for thought.
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Well -- ahem, as one who posted on the toilet post -- we could interpret the thread as having a deeper subconscious meaning about dealing with ______.
LOL :lol:...perhaps it is really a thread about "shame dumping?"
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I think it is enjoyable to have threads on fun subjects at times. It helps us grow as a community and get to know one another. It also lessens the stress we feel at times and allows us to shift focus for a moment after which we can go back to our main purpose of being here. If the board were only about clinical issues, I doubt I would have stayed this long or become this attached to the people here.
Love, Beth
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You are just the typical Predator, typical from the beginning to the end. Thank you for showing me the face of how it works.
This was an incredible lesson. I am amazed and astounded.
If you can believe your own garbage, more power to you. It is over ! Ami
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How do we protect anyone from that.... when saying it out loud, is taboo?
Lighter, this is the question which troubles me.
How is it that you are so certain that YOU are not the one from whom people need to be protected?
Because you know your own motivations, eh?
Do you see what's assumed in your basic question?
That you know the other person's motivation?
Have you tried to see yourself through the other person's eyes?
If not, then you've only got part of the picture.
Carolyn
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CH: I follow your line of reasoning... and I agree.\
Frankly, I'd just assume leave ami out of this.
Exploring my culpability is OK with me.
We'll use my pointing out an observation as an example as opposed to her pointing out an observation.
(note: you pointed out an observation about Leah on the victim mentality thread and we're exploring that too)
Fine.
I have made a statement which I consider based in fact.
Lets not assume I'm right, just trying to be understood.
How can I be heard without receiving the response I engendered from you here?
By not judging, when I relate it? I don't think so.
If talking about uncomfortable taboo behavior, any behavior, engenders defensive responses.... how do we get past that response and still relate our observations?
I'm going in circles but... I know part of the answer's here.
Lighter
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Lighter, here's the difference, as I see it.
I took issue with Leah and I said so.
It never occurred to me that the entire board or humanity in general needs to be protected from Leah.
That's why I said in my last post here to you that this is the question which concerns me:
How do we protect anyone from that.... when saying it out loud, is taboo?
Where do you get this business of protecting others?
How did that become your role in this?
I mean, I have a role of protecting my children, but on this message board or in other areas of life...?
How is it any different for you to see yourself as protector than for Ami to see herself as chairwoman of the beautification committee?
Aren't you both exceeding your bounds?
Carolyn
P.S. I see that I didn't answer your question, but didn't want to jump ahead too far. One step at a time is all I can manage.
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I have made a statement which I consider based in fact.
Lets not assume I'm right, just trying to be understood.
How can I be heard without receiving the response I engendered from you here?
By not judging, when I relate it? I don't think so.
If talking about uncomfortable taboo behavior, any behavior, engenders defensive responses.... how do we get past that response and still relate our observations?
okay, trying this again, Lighter.
I think the answer is distinguishing between being "heard" and finding "agreement".
Maybe you're equating the two?
If you could define what it means to you to be "heard", maybe that would help.
Does it mean that others say, "yeah, that's happened to me and it stinks" ?
or
Does it have to mean that others say, "yeah, you're right, that's what ( x ) does all the time and she's a horrible, rotten villain for it" ?
Carolyn
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okay,
I'm really trying here, Lighter, but not getting too far.
You're mixing up my name and Leah's and confusing the facts so much re: our discussion on the other thread to the point where it's hard to tell which end is up.
We are talking about 3-d life now... and not the board, is that right?
Okay, my kids' dad is a molester.
I can't discuss that with people... it's just a fact.
It's taboo.
You are asking, how can we discuss such things and I'm thinkin....
no way.
Best I know to do is allow the legal system to do its thing and take the rest to God in prayer.
I gave up a long time ago expecting anyone else to "hear" me re: some stuff.
Carolyn
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okay,
I'm really trying here, Lighter, but not getting too far.
You're mixing up my name and Leah's and confusing the facts so much re: our discussion on the other thread to the point where it's hard to tell which end is up.
We are talking about 3-d life now... and not the board, is that right?
Okay, my kids' dad is a molester.
I can't discuss that with people... it's just a fact.
It's taboo.
You are asking, how can we discuss such things and I'm thinkin....
no way.
Best I know to do is allow the legal system to do its thing and take the rest to God in prayer.
I gave up a long time ago expecting anyone else to "hear" me re: some stuff.
Carolyn
It doesn't matter who's name is inserted... it's about discussing taboo and being heard, instead of judged and dismissed... re victimized.
I've been thinking that you're right.... we can't be heard. We can't discuss taboo things that have happened to us. It's like we're committing the acts ourselves, not pointing out the behavior of others?
That business is for advocates to bring into the light.
Attorney's, social workers, Judges, friends and family.
So..... how do we tell them the story.... so they can advocate?
There are those who are trained in dv.... and that helps.
They aren't around to advocate for us in daily life.... if we somehow manage to relate concisely what has transpired and find understanding about actual abuse perpetrated against us.
There's no looking at our feelings of being right or wrong when we've been assaulted.
We know what that is and we need to be able to talk about both the overt and covert dv that takes place against us.
If we can do that.... maybe we can talk about smaller observations and find we're being heard?
::very very sad and confused::
Lighter,
When I was in a dangerous situation within my own home, what I most needed was someone who'd help me physically escape.
Thankfully, that's what I found... a woman with the knowledge and resources to get me and my children to a safe place.
Also I found a judge who recognized my need for an order of protection.
I was very grateful.
But domestic violence advocates and all the rest can not help victims who will not physically separate themselves from the abuser.
So I think that it's the victims who must be educated, as much as all the rest, about the dire consequences often resulting from trying to remain in contact with the one who is a threat to their very survival.
Carolyn
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I hear ya, CH.
Thanks,
Lighter