The Board---Up from the Toilet

[Certain Hope]

Lighter, here's the difference, as I see it.

I took issue with Leah and I said so.

It never occurred to me that the entire board or humanity in general needs to be protected from Leah.

That's why I said in my last post here to you that this is the question which concerns me:

How do we protect anyone from that.... when saying it out loud, is taboo?

Where do you get this business of protecting others?
How did that become your role in this?
I mean, I have a role of protecting my children, but on this message board or in other areas of life...?

How is it any different for you to see yourself as protector than for Ami to see herself as chairwoman of the beautification committee?
Aren't you both exceeding your bounds?

Carolyn

P.S.  I see that I didn't answer your question, but didn't want to jump ahead too far. One step at a time is all I can manage.

[Certain Hope]

I have made a statement which I consider based in fact. 

Lets not assume I'm right, just trying to be understood.

How can I be heard without receiving the response I engendered from you here?


By not judging, when I relate it?  I don't think so.

If talking about uncomfortable taboo behavior, any behavior, engenders defensive responses.... how do we get past that response and still relate our observations?

okay, trying this again, Lighter.

I think the answer is distinguishing between being "heard" and finding "agreement".

Maybe you're equating the two?

If you could define what it means to you to be "heard", maybe that would help.
Does it mean that others say, "yeah, that's happened to me and it stinks"  ?

or

Does it have to mean that others say, "yeah, you're right, that's what ( x ) does all the time and she's a horrible, rotten villain for it"  ?

Carolyn

[Certain Hope]

okay,

I'm really trying here, Lighter, but not getting too far.

You're mixing up my name and Leah's and confusing the facts so much re: our discussion on the other thread to the point where it's hard to tell which end is up.

We are talking about 3-d life now... and not the board, is that right?

Okay, my kids' dad is a molester.

I can't discuss that with people... it's just a fact.

It's taboo.

You are asking, how can we discuss such things and I'm thinkin....
no way.

Best I know to do is allow the legal system to do its thing and take the rest to God in prayer.
I gave up a long time ago expecting anyone else to "hear" me re: some stuff.

Carolyn

[Certain Hope]

okay,

I'm really trying here, Lighter, but not getting too far.

You're mixing up my name and Leah's and confusing the facts so much re: our discussion on the other thread to the point where it's hard to tell which end is up.

We are talking about 3-d life now... and not the board, is that right?

Okay, my kids' dad is a molester.

I can't discuss that with people... it's just a fact.

It's taboo.

You are asking, how can we discuss such things and I'm thinkin....
no way.

Best I know to do is allow the legal system to do its thing and take the rest to God in prayer.
I gave up a long time ago expecting anyone else to "hear" me re: some stuff.

Carolyn

It doesn't matter who's name is inserted... it's about discussing taboo and being heard, instead of judged and dismissed... re victimized.

I've been thinking that you're right.... we can't be heard.  We can't discuss taboo things that have happened to us.  It's like we're committing the acts ourselves, not pointing out the behavior of others?

That business is for advocates to bring into the light.

Attorney's, social workers, Judges, friends and family.

So..... how do we tell them the story.... so they can advocate?

There are those who are trained in dv.... and that helps.

They aren't around to advocate for us in daily life.... if we somehow manage to relate concisely what has transpired and find understanding about actual abuse perpetrated against us. 

There's no looking at our feelings of being right or wrong when we've been assaulted. 

We know what that is and we need to be able to talk about both the overt and covert dv that takes place against us.

If we can do that.... maybe we can talk about smaller observations and find we're being heard?

::very very sad and confused::

Lighter,

When I was in a dangerous situation within my own home, what I most needed was someone who'd help me physically escape.
Thankfully, that's what I found... a woman with the knowledge and resources to get me and my children to a safe place.
Also I found a judge who recognized my need for an order of protection.
I was very grateful.

But domestic violence advocates and all the rest can not help victims who will not physically separate themselves from the abuser.
So I think that it's the victims who must be educated, as much as all the rest, about the dire consequences often resulting from trying to remain in contact with the one who is a threat to their very survival.

Carolyn

[lighter]

I hear ya, CH.

Thanks,

Lighter