Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Lupita on January 01, 2011, 07:22:59 AM
-
We were in our friend place, I thought we were going to be friends, well, he left. He did not say anything, we were dancing, suddenly, i did not see him anymore, and his car was not there. He just left.
He just wanted to let me know what kind of a person he is. He just left.
I got on my car and said to my self. When am I going to learn? I think I have asperger because I keep trying and trying and I never succeed.
M is a bad person and I dont get it unless he does something very ugly.
That was my happy new year. He did it again. It happens to me all the time. I do not learn unless something very very very ugly happenes to me.
-
Now, how can I go to the dances? How can I continue like nothing happen? The owner of the place our friend, knew what was going to happen because she was acting strange all the time, nobody showed any simpathy to me when I was looking for him. I am stupid. Very stupid.
-
Hey, Lupe......
you're the one who decided you'd each take seperate cars, so you could leave when you wanted to.
On your own.
He did that, and maybe it was his way of smacking you around, maybe it didn't cross his mind?
I don't know, but what I do know is.......
this man tends to tip you over the "feeling bad" edge.
I don't necessarily blame him for leaving, but he should have said goodbye.
You volunteered for this to happen when you made plans with him.
What did you expect him to do? Act differently all the sudden out of the blue?
Listen, when a man shows you who he is......
believe him.
How many times does this guy have to show you, Lupita?
Please don't let this infect the good things you have at the dance studio.
That's just nuts, bc it brings good things into your life.
Don't throw out the baby with the bathwater.
I think that's all the sayings I have at the moment; )
Happy New Years, Lupita.
It's just another lesson.
Don't let that part get away from you.
Lighter
-
Lighter, you are right. I looked for him, we were sitting together, he bought me drinks, he offered to buy me drinks. He told me several times that his friend Y was coming. Y is a woman that I am constantly jealouse about. Y never came. The group that was with Y came and she did not come with them. He told me that he had a good time last nigth with S. S is his ex-dance partner. Of course, I felt bad, and acted like I was mad. I was mad. I dont know why I accepted to be his friend if I know that everything he does affects me so much.
It was my fault. He left because I was acting indifferent towards him, but I was acting indifferent because he was telling me several times how much fun he had with S and that Y was coming. He said that if I was a new person and a friend that should not bother me.
He was right. That should not have bothered me, but it did. He told me that just to test me.
He knew that I would feel bad despite that we were supposed to be friends. He is smarter than I am. He does not have any feelings for me.
He knew. S was not coming and Y was not coming, he was just provoking me like he usuallly does to prove that I cannot change as friends or as nothing. He knew what he was doing. I volunteered for that as you say. He taught me a lesson. He knew that I would not act normal if he told me things even if I accepted to be just friends. He knew I would act out. That is why he did what he did. He knows I am not for him. He knows we are not for each other. He knows better and he knew I am stupid. Too naive, to stupid. He just slapped me again. This is why I said he always tortured me.
-
The worst part, the owner of the bar is a friend of all of us, she is a dancer too. Two dancers, a couple, both dance, were sitting with us. several table in the bar were occupied by dancers from our dance community.
I dont know why I am affected so much for everything he does, if he looks at somebody, if he talks with somebody, I feel abandoned everytime he wants to do things away from me. Of course he always wants to do things away from me.
I should talk in past tense. He always wanted to do things away from me. He always provoked me. In the future I will be away from him.
I dont know if I should continue with tango. Tango affects me a lot. Too much physical contact with the partner. Not the same in swing or salsa or ballroom. Tango is a very close dance. Maybe tango is not for me. I start to believe Hopalong despite that I love tango dance so much, the kinestetic sensation of tango is different from all dances. M used to lift me, and we did very professional moves, very good. The milk is spilled. There is not way to do not even damage control. I started my new year with the left foot and two feet inside my mouth.
-
Dear Lupita,
I know I've upset you in the past, but M does not respect you. He knows that no matter what he does to offend you, make you jealous, you will be upset and want to come crying back to him.
If you respect yourself, it is easier to handle people who show no respect.
The N in my past life used to like to go and visit this elderly couple, and he talked only to them, did not include me. They, therefore, talked only to him and did not include me because I felt so much on the outside and couldn't seem to enter their conversations, especially as the men controlled them, as she was a 'quiet' wife who stayed with her husband and did not invite me to go elsewhere on our own.
I decided to stop going with him when he visited. This upset him terribly, but I said I would not go where I was ignored and disrespected. He kept asking, I kept saying "No"and I never saw them again. I never missed them, as I never knew them. I felt they were rude and ought not be giving the N, alcohol and 'weed'. I could not change the 3 of them, but I could change me, and finally his visits there lessened and lessened, as he was embarassed, (so he said,) that I did not like his freinds and would not go....as if I would change for him. No!
I stayed home alone, but respected myself for it!. Breaking away starts somewhere!
Make any sense?
xx
Izzy
-
Hi Lupe,
I don't know if this will help or not as it isn't exactly the same situation but I'll share it and you can see whether it does or not!
I have a couple of friends who are unreliable. They're good fun, I like hanging out with them, I'm always guaranteed a good night out if I'm out with one of them. But they also turn up very late and don't think it's a problem, they both cancel with very little notice, they often forget birthdays and anniversaries and will tend to cut calls short if I'm having a problem I want to talk about.
This used to really upset me. I wanted all my friends to be 'perfect' - fun, entertaining, good company etc, but also reliable, loyal, responsible etc. And these two kept letting me down. So I either had to accept them as they are, or cut them out. I went for the first option. Now, when I arrange to meet them it's always as part of a group, so if they're late or don't show up it doesn't matter. If I'm feeling down I don't call them, I call other friends who are good listeners. I changed my expectations, and now just see them as a good time friend - I don't expect them to provide me with other things.
What I'm trying to say (in a very long winded way!) is this - M is who he is. He behaves how he does because that's who/how he is. There are good bits and there are bad bits. So the way I see it is he can either be a dance partner that you just dance with and that's all you expect/want from him - and that things like who buys the drinks, whose car you go in, whether or not he says goodbye when he leaves and so on - don't matter because he's just a dance partner and you don't expect any more than that from him. Or you might need to cut him out completely, at least until you've really got him out of your system. I don't know where you are geographically. Is there anywhere else within driving distance that you could go dancing instead? Even if it means a long drive and you maybe can't go as often? At least you'd still be doing what you enjoy, but you wouldn't have to see or be around him for a while. Just a thought. Not sure if any of that helps at all but want you to know I'm sending happy thoughts your way! (((())))))
-
You're not stupid, Lupita.
You're devoted and smart and lovely....
but the devoted gets you in trouble.
Trouble bc you give your heart to people who don't deserve it.
Maybe M deserved other parts of you?
Maybe you'll come to a point where you can say......
"I know this relationship isn't going to be seriouse, but I can dance and play with THIS person while I'm single and looking."
Maybe not..... but you must start caring as much for yourself, and your feelings, as you care about people who aren't worthy.
It's not about being smart.....
it's about making decisions based on emotions and logic.
Emotion is like a child...... in need of discipline and restraint.
(((LUPITA!))) It's a NEW YEAR, and you've got so much dancing to do!
Who cares about last night's folly?
::Blowing loud messy raspberry::
Nobody, that's who.
File the lesson away and keep moving, my dear.
M is SO last year; )
-
Today I still have pain, but less desperation, I do not feel as desperate as I was feeling yesterday. I am more aware now of my contrubution to my problems.
I brought it to my self. I need to take resposibility.
I need to be appropriate, correct, almost perfect. I need to work on my self to be aware of other people so I do not behave like a child seeking protection. I need to grow up.
I started to think more clearly today but the sadness does not go away.
Last night I went swing dancing. It was fun and I met several new aquantances. I made a new friend. It was fun. I forgot about M for several hours.
Then I came home to the same.
Today I will go to the beach and walk. If I get somebody to walk with me I will enjoy it but if nobpdy wants to do it I will do it my self.
Tomorrow, to work again. Whaht a horrible Christmas vacation I had. I have to let go. I need to move on.
Fortunately, I will start group therapy tomorrow. Please, God, help me get M out of my head. Help me focus in positive things. Help me keep my job. Give me wisdom and peace.
-
Friends are the most important relationship to develop during your healing, Lupe. Friends are people who don't desert you when you're going through a tough time; who will tell you exactly what they think & feel - even if you don't want to hear it; who will give you good advice to help you... and spend their time with you.
Friends are not the same thing as acquaintances - people you've met and run into socially, that you like and perhaps like you, too. Acquaintances are how we meet and make friends... and even with friends, there are some of those relationships that can be "not good" for you. Some friendships cost too much to you personally... for the benefits of being with someone.
Friendships are flexible - there can be a lot of space in them, allowing both parties to have their own life yet still coming together to share with each other. Sometimes that's on a regular basis; sometimes a lot of time will go by - but the basis of that "friendship" still exists; that place where you each can share and care about each other.
Essentially, friendship is a way to connect to or with people without all the high emotional risk, drama, and expectations of a romantic relationship. (Although I have seen some people drag that into friendships, too.) It can feed your soul the caring and validation you need as person. When my D was divorcing an abusive hubby - and seemingly choosing to move from one bad romance into another; one right after the other - I did my best to try to convince her that she'd be way better off hanging with her friends, and I coached her through defining just what she expected from a friend. And she still trusted someone (a long-time friend) who disappointed her almost as badly as if it had been a romantic relationship. I think she's forgiven the friend, but she watches her boundaries more closely with that friend now and doesn't trust quite as much. The friendship meant enough to her, to find a way to continue it... but not without adapting, to protect herself.
THOSE THINGS HAPPEN, because it's life and it's people, Lupe. None of us are so perfect, that we don't make mistakes. No matter how long we work on ourselves or what brand of therapy we do... we can always be deceived by someone, trust someone who disappoints us, and even our own expectations can cause us to be blind or overlook "warning signs" - to make excuses about how we're being treated - because we want to believe that we can twist ourselves into something we're NOT and thereby become adorable in someone else's eyes & heart... and that this is the definition of happiness & bliss.
BLECH!! If we have to become personality contortionists to be treated well and/or loved... no matter how "perfectly" we twist ourselves up... we're NEVER GONNA BE HAPPY. The temporary happy that comes in social gatherings is just a "contact high"... and as you've noticed... when you get home, it's the same old, same old again. It doesn't last. That could even be your goal for T, Lupe - finding the door to happiness that lasts.
I get that there's a big empty space in Lupita's life and that it bothers you constantly, 24 hours a day. I think you are beginning to realize that you have a lot - many, many, many - choices about what to put into that space now. But a real good starting point, would be to just spend some time being Lupita - feeling Lupita - getting to know and being friends with Lupita. That will make the space smaller - and easier to fill with healthy people, relationships, and life - later on.
It's never a position of strength to always look for someone or something outside of ourselves - that we end up dependant on - to "make" us happy. That's inherently giving away our own power over ourselves and putting it in someone else's hands. But with people we can trust - friends - they don't abuse that or you.
-
Thank you for your responses.
I wish he could behave like a friend. Just that. So I can go dancing and feel comfortable. He is in all my dancing. I just started swing and thank god M is not into swing. But he is in everything else.
I do nto want to have an enemy in the group. At this point, I am totally convenced that I do not want anything with him. But I need him to feel OK with me so he does not destroy me with the other dance partners.
I want to enjoy my dancing and do nto want that his presence in the place to prevent me from enjoy. I start tp dislike him. But I fear him too.
-
Lupita:
You've given M so much power......
I wonder what would happen if you took your power back?
Lighter
-
I guess CB and Hop are mad at me and wont write me.
Well, he keeps e-mailing me. I saw him at the dance on Tuesday. We danced and said good bye. He treated me as if he was my boyfriend. But I said several times, I am not your girlfriend, I am your friend only.
He stood up by me impeding me from dancing with others, but one man came and got my hand and took me to the dance floor despite M presence. Then he danced with other ladies and I danced with other gentlemen and then M danced with me.
He e-mailed me today that I am his girlfriend. I wrote him back and said I want to be your friend. I want to find a husband and that is not you. He got mad and wrote me back that he will find another dance partner. I wrote back and said, I will be your friend. Then he wrote back and said, I will see you in the dance floor. That was the end.
I know it will hurt to see him with other women, but he has been so mean to me that I need to stay away from him. God will help me.
I am proud of my self becuase depite his insistense I have not gone out with him, I have not gotten in his car, I have not gone to his house and in three weeks I have only seen him twice and only in the dance floor, not privately.
-
Not mad at you at all, Lup, of course not.
I'm just sad to see the dance thing eating up your life right now.
It's not that I don't understand why it's a joyful activity and will always be something you love,
of course it will be.
I just don't understand how powerful the attachment is.
And that's my failure to be imaginative.
I also think I give too much advice, as though I can "see into" another person's life and know what's best for them. Sometimes I probably guess or intuit it right, but other times, I am way off base.
And I think that's true in this case. My brain just comes up with one thing --- find alternatives to going to these dances for a year, and work on healing yourself.
It's a mating drama, and sounds agonizing, and I think it keeps you in an arrested state of development that does not help heal your insecurity...
But I also think I'm very likely wrong. So I'm just wanting to read and listen and learn instead of bossing you about. I should have more faith in you, that you are following the course that you feel is right for you.
And I'm sure you are! One of my NY Resolutions is to offer less advice (hmmm....let's see how long THAT holds) :P.
Hugs
Hops
-
Dont you see? I have not gotten to his house, I have bot gotten into his car, I gave not gone out with him. Just seen him on the dance floor.
Does that count as an improvement?
I dont want to stop talking to him. Just wont give him the opportunity to hurt me. By just dancing a few pieces, I dont think he will hace a chance to do anything. And now he knows that if he leaves me on the dance floor I will not dance with him again.
I cannot believe that I am still in danger by just dancing informally with him. I hope not.
-
Well, that's good!
See? You know what you're doing and you respect yourself for making the real steps you HAVE made!
Good for you, Lup.
Yes indeed that sounds like an improvement.
I think if you're not feeling hurt and anguished or "hooked" over what happens at the dances you're probably doing really well then. That would be how to tell - sort of doing an inventory.
Bravo!
hugs,
Hops
-
Who says I am not feeling bad? Hooked up? I feel horrible. I wish he was with me. But I am aware that he is a fantasy. He does not exist. He abandones me the most important days of the year.
Last night it was horrible. He was sitting and I wished I was sitting with him. Instead I was sitting with too good ladies who are not dancers and just came to give me support.
It was very sad to leave the place without him.
I know if I went to him and hug him he would have welcome it. we danced close and I did not feel the same I felt before. I knew that the feeling had false bases, that he was not what I wanted, what I dreamt.
My friend was telling me how can other people have so much control over me.
At some point my friend asked him to sit with us and he did not want to. then he danced with two different ladies. This is after we had danced a lot. After that he did not ask me to dance and he did not came to me anymnore, For around 30 minutes. My friends sai, let us get out of here, do notgive him any eye contact, do not look at him, just get your sweater and let us go somewhere else. We did. One of M's friends came rapidly to the door to ask me if I was OK. I said yes and left. We went to another place and had a drink and food. It was nice to have to lady friends with me. But sad not to have M.
-
I am aware that I am in love with the ilusion, with the fantasy that I wish he was, I am in love with the image that I wish he was.
But he is not that. So, I am in love with a ghost.
I am in love with somebody who does not exist.
-
I did not feel the same I felt before. I knew that the feeling had false bases, that he was not what I wanted, what I dreamt.
I understand. I've been through that transition.
Reality is your friend.
After a while (looong while) I began to realize that I didn't want anything based on my fantasizing about romance, based on what I was taught by the culture.
It's just not real. And I would hurt myself over and over again believing in it.
Waking up to reality is painful. But to me, it is preferable than letting me direct some romantic movie because I have been a lousy lousy director.
I want documentary love.
:)
Hops
-
Hi Lupita,
I am not mad at you.
I just dont have anything to offer you. I wish I could give you some empathetic outrage.
Your struggle reminds me too much of mine. That means that I either am seeing your issues clearly or really NOT clearly.
I suspect that you are not reading this guy right. That's because when I say and feel all the things that you are saying and feeling, I am NOT reading the situation correctly. At the time that I am having these feelings, they seem very, very real. It takes me hard, hard work to get through to the bottom of what the real issue is in me.
I dont know how to translate that struggle into something that makes sense to you...something that gives you tools to--not cope--but to tackle the pain and abandonment that overwhelms you. I have no idea how to describe to someone who doesnt feel it. But I think that you do.
I can listen to your pain. I think that your pain is so intense that you are (on the inside) like a wild animal with your leg caught in a trap. I dont want you to stay in the trap. But sometimes you just have to gnaw your leg off to get free. Whether this guy is what you think he is, or not, the trap is real, your pain is real, and you must get free. I dont think you can work through your pain still stuck in the trap.
You are going to make it, Lupita. Not the "little letter" make it, but the capital letter Make It. I dont think it is going to have much to do with a guy, or romance. I dont think dance will have much to do with it. I think a guy and romance and dancing will be wonderful when you are free to enjoy them.
Love you
CB
-
Dont you see? I have not gotten to his house, I have bot gotten into his car, I gave not gone out with him. Just seen him on the dance floor.
Does that count as an improvement?
I dont want to stop talking to him. Just wont give him the opportunity to hurt me. By just dancing a few pieces, I dont think he will hace a chance to do anything. And now he knows that if he leaves me on the dance floor I will not dance with him again.
I cannot believe that I am still in danger by just dancing informally with him. I hope not.
only thing I can add is about the above, you may decide to do some trial and error about whether contact is still ok for you. I have had to take time out in the past with these kinds of situations. And sometimes I've had contact with the person after the time out, maybe months, maybe a year, and all the craziness has died down and its just the guy and reality, no big deal. Then you get to see who he really is, who you are in relationship, and chances are you dont reallyh want a goof like that.
-
Hops, but because of what CB says, the abandonement, I cling so much and expect so much, and always fall in the hands of dominant people. Becuase I want to feel like I am withmy mother. That I have a mother, that I am not motherless.
Like CB says, until I overcome my pain I will not be able to enjoy anything. I feel fear everywhere. I feel lonely everywhere. No matter how many people are with me.
Now I have a friend that is helping me to get away from M, but now I start to depend on her. I have to be able to do things by my self. I was independent for 20 years until M with my mothers personality came and made me relize that I am still a chiild crying for love in a horrible isolated island.
I will never get the sympathy I want and the success i want until I feel an adult, capable of protect my self. If I was secure of my self M would have never gotten involved with me. Because of my weakness I fell for him. Like dancing, he does not want to dance with advaced dancers, he always want the beginners so he can impress them. Even my T recognizes he is N. He does ugly things and he is never responsible for them. Never. It is always my fault. Like yesterday, we wer dancing and he said that I was too slow and I cought his foot and we almost fell. But he is the leader, how can I do wrong if I am supposed to follow him? ETC.
-
Lupita:
many people are "motherless" - in one form or another. It's doesn't have to be a state of abandonment and fear and desperation for them, either. So much depends on what we tell ourselves - in our thoughts, and then through our feelings - as to how we feel about whether we have a "mother" - or not.
Sometimes, all that's needed to learn is to "let go" of the idea that you "need" a mother. And then list all the reasons why you'll be just fine without one.
PS - I forgot to say that a lot of us (it's true of me, for sure) will always WANT mothering... but that's different than "needing". And there are many ways of fulfilling that want - starting with mothering ourselves. You've raised a son; you know what mothering is... now you just need to (and yes, you're allowed to do this and won't be seen as juvenile or weak) mother yourself. Start talking to yourself, as if you were a dearly loved child of your own. Start giving yourself some slack... be OK with not being "perfect"... be OK with learning, trying, new things... and the inevitable mistakes that happen when we're beginners... and the human mistakes we make, no matter how much experience we have!
It really helps - and makes you way less dependent on the "false love" of people who dominate, control or hurt you.
-
Hi Lup,
It's really good to hear so much clear thinking, and how you are understanding yourself.
How you keep allowing yourself to jump on the scorpion's back in the first place...
Another time, you won't do it again like the frog.
I have faith!
hugs
Hops
-
I hope you are feeling better this week, Lup...
I wonder if it's any better now that the holidays have retreated behind us?
I have never found it more difficult than it was this year -- this time tests everything. Ourselves, our relationships, our courage, and our kindness. I felt brittle, broken, angry, bitter, vulnerable, drained.
Now that I've come out of it and look back on recent weeks, I am feeling I failed to be patient and supportive to you and I think my remark about the frog was very blunt. (I worried about it and I do not want to be hurtful even if I think I'm trying to help.)
But I've been a frog SOOOOOOOO many times, wailing "I don't understand why the man I observed to be a scorpion behaved like a scorpion!" My obsessive pattern of setting myself up for hurt, over and over...was a really really really long one. The repeating went on for YEARS. Different scorpions, deaf frog.
I think I felt a little too close to your anguish to help you soothe it. If it's any encouragement, I hope you can hear that after YEARS of determined effort and therapy and some periods with Rx and going to the church that works for me.......and especially finding healing in women's support groups where the activity was sharing safely and deeply, not impressing each other, especially-especiallly-especially not competing.....I did find new hope and new courage.
I am not as afraid of love as I was. I look forward to it happening to me again, and in a new sane, CB way, if fate is with me. If not, I have made my peace with that too -- other forms of love other than romance are all around me.
I hope you're doing better. And I hope you find love inside you that wells up to blend with all the love around you.
with more,
Hops
-
I have not stayed at his house at all, I have not gotten into his car. I meet him over the palces we go and we only dance.I go to my house and he goes to his house. We do not have a relationship. I do not want a relationship. I do not see him as I used to see him.
I just dance with him.
I have a new female friend who is a wonderful person and has brought hope to me.
I have problems at work, but still have a job.
God will help me.
He is a scorpion. M is a scorpion and he will sing because that is what scorpions do.
-
Very glad to read you have a new friend, Lupe.
Take good care of yourself......
you're a worthy person.
Light
-
Dear Lupita,
I hope you will read Cary Tennis' column from today on www.salon.com (http://www.salon.com).
I thought of you over and over as I read it.
This was the "PS" he added below his signature.
love,
Hops
In what way exactly can such an apparently life-giving connection with another human being actually be a sign of a death-wish, a desire to stop living? Because living is individuation and conflict. Because we do not agree with anyone about everything. Because we are not completely known by anyone. Because if we seem to be in complete harmony, someone is lying. And to find ourselves in such harmony is to find ourselves back in a false womb, seemingly cared for but in fact neglected, feeling selfless and actually lost, having become a part of someone else's body. Of course it is a glorious feeling to merge with someone else, and who's to say that heroin does not have its attractions, too, but without our boundaries we die. We cannot survive skinless. When you remove your clothes, that is one thing; but when you remove your skin for a man, you are more than naked; you are vulnerable to the wind, prey to all predations of nature.
-
Well, I did not see him yesterday, I will not see him today. I will see him at the dance until tomorrow after the dance will start. I am going to swing fot two hours before the tango dance. Then I will go there and see him.
Today, he did not have money to go to tango, or at least that is what he said, and he was trying me not to go, but I said, I will go to tango, I will miss myu dance partner, but I will go. I am sorry you cannot go.
This is the first time I am going to a dance that he will not be present.
I think that is an improvement. I never was at a dance without him. I will be very nervous thinking that who is going to dance with me, but i will be there and smile.
School is very difficult, but I am sruviving. Now I have a long weekend to enjoy.
-
Have fun and remember you aren't an apple to be plucked off a tree by any man who asks.
You're in charge of deciding who to dance with, or not.
Who to date, or not.
Who to give your heart to, or not.
Not everyone deserves your time and attention, Lupita.
Your responisble for discerning who will build you up, and who will not.
Now put on your red dress and have a ball: )
Lighter
-
We were at tango last night. My friend ladyfriend was with me. She is R. She is a wonderful person. M came and sat with us. We danced well for about one hour. Then twp different gentlemen asked me to dance. I danced with them and after that he danced with other ladies. Then we danced togetehr again. Then Russian woman came to sit at our table. Then the played a milonga, M said "Milonga" I did not move just to waiting to see what he was going to do. He said "I am going to dance with N (russian woman)" Then he got up and danced with her and I danced with somebody else. Then finally we danced together again, he said, "did you see how sexy i danced with N" I said "I did nto see it I was dancing too" Then he said, stop it, youa re very jealous. I did not say anything.
Then he got mad because I did not remember some moves and he left not without telling me that I was not worth a tooth. I felt sad but recovered ina moment and started dancing with other men when he left.
I came home with my friend and she spent the night here.
I dont know what to do to get him out of my life. I dont want him as an enemy.
-
On top that he told me last night that I dance badly, he wrote me a horrible e-mail today. He hates me.
I was not drunk last night. I dont know why he says that. My friend is very appropriate and descent.
He is surprised that I have a friend and he is not used to because he likes to see me alone. I need to move on. I need to ignore this and to be polite.
He really hates me. He knows that if my friend was not here I would be with him and due to the support that my friend gives me, i do not run over to him anymore.
Please, friends, pray for me so I can behave correctly and move on. Erase him from my life forvever, from my brain. Forever.
Enough is Enough, You drink too much, and now you are toting around your
new found religious and Drinking friend R. You both drink wine as if
it is sparkling water. You want me to dance with her, she also can't
dance when she drinks, she needs to dance with beginners, before she
engages experienced dancers. I will not forget what Eddy said when he
brought you back to our table at the Dance studio, "You drink too much".
You have broken your rules constantly, drinking and drinking and you
don't know which is your left foot and right foot. I deleted the three
e-mails that you sent me and did not read them, because it is the typical
Lupita excuses over and over again. You want me to make out with you on
the Dance floor, over and over again, you don't have the sober capacity
to stop. I went to A and dance like I like to dance without getting
harrased to smooch. You see Lupita, I can handle my drinking, I know when
I drank too much, and I cut myself off. Q bought me 2 beers and I
danced, then went home at 1:30AM. I know when to stop drinking.
I take Tango very seriously, and I try and do different things with you,
so that Tango does not get boring, because it certainly can, if one does
not try to do some different things. Yes, all those who have danced for
years can do some very nice walking patterns and moves, I like you have
chosen not to. DO NOT ASKING ME AGAIN, IF I BEHAVED MYSELF DANCING OUT
ON MY OWN, I DON'T ASK YOU THAT, BECAUSE IT IS YOUR BUSINESS AND I DON'T
REALLY CARE!!!!
-
Eh, let him stew, and try not to respond to these silly complaints.
He's not happy you're moving on, and has picked a silly fight.
Apparently.. he's apparently not ready to end the fun and games.
Too bad, it's all up to you, not him.
Keep R and have a lot of fun, (((Lupe)))
Lighter
-
Thank you Lighter. I did. My friend R did it for me. Of course she would have not been able to do it if I did not enable her to do it. I showed her the e-mail and when we got to the dance last night, she was on fire. She told him, sun of a b*tch, who gives you right to call me an alcoholic after two days knowing me, and I am not going to allow you to insult my friend. he got so mad. He had my sweater in his car from long time ago and I asked him to give it to me and he said. No, I amnot going to do that for you. I said, OK and left.
So, now it is ended. He said before I left, "keep yout friend, take her places" and I said OK.
So, now it is ended. Just because I showed the e-mail to R. Or course I told her not to tell him anything but she did not control her self. She did what I could not do in one year and two months of abuse.
I do not want to start a codependency with R. I will work that with my therapist and my group. I feel at peace, a little afraid of the consequences of having him mad in my favorite hobby but I will survive. I have friends who like me. There is a kid in tango, 25 yo like my son who is a genius in tango and I told him, hey kiddo, I need your help, I am hurting because of M, make me look great in the dance floor. He did. M was watching.
-
Whoo hoo, Lupe!
Looks like you figured out how to move on, and have fun too.
I want to tell you......
the nicest thing about your post was.....
it was about what you were doing last night.
Not what M did; )
Lighter