Are you afraid you show N traits?

[Brigid]

Mum,
How lovely for you two to have found each other again.  

I'm so glad you gave a little explanation because I have to admit I was having a hard time following.      

So there is hope for those of us who have been poisoned by 2 N husbands.  I don't think I had any nice guys in my past that I would want to find again so I'll just have to look for a new one.

Brigid

[mum]

thanks, Brigid...I do count my blessings each day.  It's amazing but probably not surprising, because he was (and is) the "great love" of my life....no scary drama, no bad stuff, just the one person in this world who understands me more than myself, appreciates me more than myself and loves me more than myself....and so I am learning to do all those things.  Funny, though, it happened when I WASN"T looking for it, but while I was just trying to make a better life for ME.  These wonderful men do exist.

[mum]

Oh, by the way, I also have a hard time following my thoughts (read: extremely right brain dominant)  

[Brigid]

Oh, by the way, I also have a hard time following my thoughts (read: extremely right brain dominant)

Now I understand our communication problems.  I am totally left brain dominant so I try to follow things too logically.  When posting in the future, please keep in mind us poor non-creative types who think in a very linear fashion.    

[October]

October and Portia, I am learning from your ingenious ability to bend the "rules."  I usually see things as all or nothing.  It never would have occurred to me to delete posts or not sign in as a way to limit my exposure to yucky feelings.  I would have just sat around in a dark room by myself until I was willing to post and leave everything up, no matter how long it took me to get to that point.  Wait... that IS what I did.     I so like the idea of taking smaller steps and dealing with my reactions and getting used to it before taking the next step.  Watching you to see how that's done.

Glad to see I am helping to lead you astray!!!!!!!  

Something I learned long ago from playing Monopoly with my brother.  If you can't cheat it isn't worth playing - not  half as much fun!!!  (Bagsie I'm banker!!!   )

Rather like being called ingenious, though.  Makes a change from the Ns taking our good qualities and making them negatives, for people here to do the reverse.     xxxx

[Portia]

Longtire you’re just so incredibly dedicated to doing the right/good/correct/ thing. That’s not a criticism or praise. It’s an observation. Do I see it clearly?

And if so…..what do you think about that? Reply real quickly! No time to think about it!  Just type in the little white box and press submit. Just theorising, as ever. I have trouble with spontaneity but I’ve found it can be good fun and quite liberating in a way. How about you? Hey I got the book about ‘getting the love you want’ from the library, noticed it talks about the Imago stuff which I have no idea about. Thought I’d check it out as you mentioned it, just for the heck of it. Hmm!

Makes a change from the Ns taking our good qualities and making them negatives, for people here to do the reverse

What a precise observation October, I like it, that’s the basis for one of those serious ‘thoughts’ for your book. Lots of humour interspersed with serious one-liners. It would be so good and you could do it! I could help – before someone nicks the idea! Shall I find a publisher? (jumps up and down excitedly) hey remember that Cosmopolitan article mentioning the board? We are not alone here…better take this subject off the board.  

[October]

It would be so good and you could do it! I could help – before someone nicks the idea! Shall I find a publisher? (jumps up and down excitedly)  

Well, writing is what I do ... or used to ...  

Yes, find a publisher.  Offer them 150,000 words, and we will try to cut down what we have to say.      

I think we need an advance to allow us to write for 6 months in Geneva, in a small chalet overlooking the lake.  What do you think?

[longtire]

Longtire you’re just so incredibly dedicated to doing the right/good/correct/ thing. That’s not a criticism or praise. It’s an observation. Do I see it clearly?

And if so…..what do you think about that? Reply real quickly! No time to think about it!  Just type in the little white box and press submit. Just theorising, as ever. I have trouble with spontaneity but I’ve found it can be good fun and quite liberating in a way. How about you? Hey I got the book about ‘getting the love you want’ from the library, noticed it talks about the Imago stuff which I have no idea about. Thought I’d check it out as you mentioned it, just for the heck of it. Hmm!

Portia, yes I am very constrained by doing the "right" thing.  I don't like it.  It makes me worry about what the "right" thing is and whether I am capable of doing the "right" thing.  No one else seems to care whether I do the "right" thing or not, just whether they like it.  There, I wrote that without thinking about it and with no edits.  Sorry if there are any typos.

I have had problems having fun.  It helps to reintegrate the other parts of my inner family.  The ones who were supposed to laugh, love and have fun ended up having to work overtime for many years preserving my life.  I still have problems with spontenaity.  Part of that is I'm so busy trying to figure and do what is right, I don't leave myself any free time to just be and be spontaneous.  I'm working on cutting out more "right" stuff from my life and just being and feeling more.