I feel like members of AA must feel when they get together because--writing on this Board--I am now talking with others with such similar experiences it is astounding. When I would talk to friends they either are so blown away by my parents cruelty, think I am exaggerating and--ugh! this I hate--start feeling sorry for me which is not my purpose. Talking to my friends helps alot, of course, but to talk about these issues with others who have had Narcissistic parents helps the most.
Maybe I am the only one here like this but I had TWO Narcissistic parents: both my natural mother and natural father. My mother married another brilliant/moneymaking sex addicted fruitloop when I was four, so I had a stepfather; but I knew from the time I was little that something wasn't normal with my Nmother and horrid stepfather. By High School, I used to say (and still do at 59) "what did I ever do in my past life that was so bad I got STUCK with these 3 losers?"
I have had years, obviously, to get my own shit more together; so, now, when I start telling these horror stories we all have here, people sit back and just say they can't believe I am so together. Well, together or not, I still have residual pain from all those horrid memories we all have. Not enough to hamper my life too much, but just horrible memories that--at times like holidays--torture my peace of mind because I realize I grew up so harshly around cruel, selfcentered people.
And then I think of all the good people I knew like my jackass stepfather's mother that I loved--and she loved me and defended me as she saw how mean/cruel my Nmother was to me. And my Nmother's brother who did the same. And count my blessing for those who crossed my path, made a difference and gave me positive messages about myself.
I just hope to return the same favor to others who have been abused while I am here on earth still.
Regardless, this Board has helped me know I am not alone, that others had similar horrible stories to tell, and I have a safe place where nobody will act horrified or like I am lying or pity me when I tell my own war stories.
