Letting it Rest

[Hopalong]

Hi all,
For me, the potential loss of gentle spirits such as Moon and LoH is a grave thing and I need to think.

I'll say it as best I can. On some recent threads I have felt there was a bullying atmosphere building, i.e., this is the definition of honesty, this is the definition of growth, and this is the label that applies to you, and you, and you...

I don't feel up to a deconstruction or even a debate.

I have just spent two nights this week with my friend A (whose pathology came back okay) but who is having a mysterious elevated heart rate and looking gray-faced and exhausted. Sitting by her bed during my shift, it's occurred to me that one of her biggest issues might be that even though she is in a fine hospital, a healing place, they either cannot or will not let her REST.

I sort of feel the same way about this. When PB and RM made peace, that was a healing. Yet Jac (not mad at you at all Jac, just saying how I see it) and Hope and I forget who else couldn't let it be real.

I'm not fond of "Bah"'s tone...but I agreed, there was a refusal to let it be.

I think often being a child of an abusive family gives one a mistrustful nature (understandably) and hypervigilance. So I do empathize with why people might be focused on waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Still, I believe you can't FORCE healing. You sometimes need to allow it. I believe PB and RM got it. And are entitled to enjoy it...even if there might be another future cycle of something similar or even the same.

I am going to take a week off and be back next weekend. I so hope all of us will be here. We all deserve space and respect for our needs here. All of us. some of us do need some gentleness.

Sarcasm is a kind of speech that is familiar, but it shoves people away, imo.

Love you all, every one.

Hops

[seeker]

Jac,  For what it's worth, I don't think you should be silenced.

[Brigid]

Jac,
I don't think Hops or anyone else was suggesting that you shouldn't be allowed to speak your mind.  What I do think she was suggesting (but I don't want to speak on her behalf, just my opinion) and I would agree, is that perhaps you could tone down your vehemence.  Your response to Hops felt like a slap in the face to me and was very unkind to a person who has approached virtually everyone on this board with the upmost in kindness and respect.

Just because you have the right to do something, doesn't necessarily mean that it is the right thing to do.  While we all have the right to express our opinions, and I guess within reason the right to express them however we like, there is a way to be effective and have others listen and consider what you say, and there is a way to completely turn people off with the tone of voice you use.

I admit to be easily triggered (not one of my favorite words, but it applies here) by others taking on a dictatorial tone as this was the only way my father ever spoke to me.  I can listen respectfully to just about anything somewhat else thinks, if they deliver the information or opinion with some sensitivity to their listeners. 

I am trying hard to be sensitive to you right now, Jac, because my intent is not to hurt, or instruct, or demand your attention.  I am respectfully asking that you perhaps think about the way you are saying things so as not to hurt, instruct or demand the attention of others.  It makes me sad to see so many people leaving here who are being hurt.  Haven't we all been hurt enough?

Brigid

[Sela]

Hi all:

To be honest, I have felt the same as Moon said:  "I need a kinder place".  I'd like to be treated with the same kindness and respect I usually offer.  Unless I am out of line, then I can listen and I try to make improvements, choose better words, be clearer.   I don't like general accusations against "some people" or "the board" because I know there are others who take those personally and are unjustly emotionally harmed.   I don't like mean words being said about another member, regardless of what anyone notices, thinks it's their duty to point out or believes it's their place to say.  It's abusive.  No one comes here to be analyzed.  We all need support and kindness.....first, I think.  That's just what I think.

I try to keep posting mostly because I'm too bull headed to let other people drive me away.  I'm on holidays for the next 10 days and will not be posting but I will be thinking of you all and hoping and praying that things will work out so that we can all remain here, if we choose to, and not fear being harmed or rejected or dismissed.

That's what our abusers did, I think.  I accept everyone here, warts and all and would like the same consideration.    I would like to give kindness and encouragement and respect to everyone.

Sela  

[Certain Hope]

Posted by: Hopalong         "I don't feel up to a deconstruction or even a debate."

My translation: I don't want to talk about this anymore.

Posted by: Hopalong        "When PB and RM made peace, that was a healing. Yet Jac (not mad at you at all Jac, just saying how I see it) and Hope and I forget who else couldn't let it be real."

My translation:  But I'm going to go ahead and talk about it anyway, because I want the last memory of this situation in everyone's mind to be that it's all Jac's and Hope's fault that LoH, Moon, and I are leaving.

Hops, your perception is invalid and cannot be substantiated by the facts. I have not posted a single thing about RM/PB's disagreement since the two of them agreed to settle it. I don't know why you feel compelled to attempt to rewrite history, but I feel equally compelled to set straight the lie you present here.

You are welcome to make disparaging remarks about my postings, calling them "filler" or a nuisance to "wade" through, or whatever other insult you might think of. You are welcome to try to enforce your idea of proper board organization as you see it. I can ignore those things.
 But Hops, you are not welcome to lie about me or about what I've said in my involvement in a thread on this board. That I cannot ignore.

There are many postings on the "Sorry" thread between Pb and RM and between Pb and Jac. Those two were key players in the discussion had no problem with it. Hops, you were the one who wouldn't let it rest. You continued to post back to Jac in what seems to me to have been an attempt to unravel the thoughts she was trying to present.  My thought on that is.... you engaged in the discussion of your own volition and now you don't like the consequences, so you are looking to place blame. So for the record, I reject your assertion that I am responsible for a thread on which your name appears twice as many times as my own.

I can surely understand and appreciate the need to take a rest, but I also understand and appreciate the need for truth and not this charade of smoke and mirrors. Rest well.

Hope
Hope

[lupine]

Hops, your perception is invalid and cannot be substantiated by the facts

This is quite a cruel thing to say.  And it is not true.  You said it so yourself.  It is her perception.  And I think she is fully capable of discerning the facts for herself.  That you don't agree does not make her perception invalid.

[Portia]

Hi Hops

((((((((Hops)))))))))

hey:

For me, the potential loss of gentle spirits such as Moon and LoH is a grave thing and I need to think.

Now i don't know what's been a'happenin lately, coz I've been away from the PC and decluttering my collection of boxes under the bed (did you know that worms really do eat books?? they do )...

but do I need to think or can I just say what comes to mind immediately ? Is that allowed? Sure is!

Dear Moonlight and Light of Heart

I think of Moonlight as a gentle, warm, loving, soft, soul, one that needs protecting. I feel protective of Moonlight. I think i showed it a while back somewhere.

Light of Heart I don't feel so protective of but nevertheless, somewhat protective, because she's so darn good-feeling to me. Straight-speaking and a survivor but also one who feels: one who feels pain i think, a sensitive.

I can't protect anyone!  

Dear Jac, I don't know what's up, I like you, I admire your resolve, your self-belief and your survival strength. Hey, I want to live and let live though. Not everyone is as strong and vocal as you - you know that? I think it's true. We can think others should be like us, but they're not. I like the differences. What's been happening? i don't know. It's not my thing either. But hey: I'll stick my impressions up and have my say. Jac: Can my voice be heard hear along with others or do I need to be silenced? Come on Jac, we know each other some and we know (I think) that neither of us is silences easily, not you, or me, no sir. I don't want to silence you. Others can be silenced far more easily than you or I and that means Jac - please don't kick those who are not like us. I've done it and i hate myself for those times. Are you getting me Jac? It's not fair! I don't think it's fair! Okay? Choose me instead! I can do it and I will do it. Big sigh. Do we have to, though, really? Do we have to fight and disagree all the time? Can't we live and let live?

Where's the vulnerability gone?

I don't want anyone to be voiceless or silenced. I wish everyone could speak freely.

I feel a bit sad because darn it, this board means so much to me and the board is the disparate collection of voices!

Take care, all. Speak to you soon. (Jac, I expect a good telling off for poking my nose where it don't belong. Feel free ) P

[reallyME]

Jac (I think, but correct me if I'm wrong with the name again)

Hop, maybe it's not real.

Maybe it's not, but then again, maybe it is.  Time will tell.  It is all up to what PB and RM decide to do from this point on, and that is about THEM not anyone else.  Thus far, peace.

~Laura

[penelope]

Hops said: 

I believe PB and RM got it. And are entitled to enjoy it.

Thank you hops.  I will be thinking of you enjoying your week off, pondering your next thesis, I bet.     I'm sure it'll be great.  You're a friend, and a trooper.  It can be tiring, I'll bet!


hi reallyme -  yup, I agree.  maybe it is    maybe we are all entitled to healing here AND enjoying it, and maybe none of dem labels will stick!  Maybe those constructs and labels, those lists and examples are good..for seeing one's way through the fog, yup.  But if you hold onto those constructs and lists too tightly..I believe they can become crutches.  I believe you can never make room for the miracles, and I'm a strong believer in MIRACLES.  I've had miracles happen to me throughout my life so that is why I know they happen.  When I was a scared 19 year old, and I was on the phone to another suicide hotline - and my roommates were "mean" to me...and I didn't like myself at all, not one bit   And the only place I had to go to was back to my parents house - the abusive parents I hated, I went crawling back to them, and I slowly healed and that I am still here today IS A MIRACLE.  So I believe in them.  And reallyme, I believe in you too.  And I believe in hops and jac and hope, and a lot of others here as well...  I believe we will all make it, and I think we're gonna be Just Fine.   

Here's a poem, it is one of my favorites called MIRACLES by Andrei Codrescu:

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=1132436

Let me know what you think..if you like. 

bean

[movinon]

Well, I got off of this board a month or two ago after getting fed up with all of the nonsense, bullying, postering.

I used to come to this board to get support and I got it in droves.  Then RM came on and it was a battle ground.  When it looked like she had made a change of heart all of a sudden I was sceptical - and for good reason it appears.

Leopards don't change their spots overnight.

Movinon

[reallyME]

rude comment from Movinon

[movinon]

Once again,

When I say something, it is MY OPINION - not data.

Take what you like and leave the rest.  As you have pointed out sooooo many times, I have a right to speak up. 

I used to feel good and SUPPORTED when coming onto this board.  Now, it just seems draining to me becuase I can not seem to post without a sarcastic comment coming onto MY thread.  I had even asked that certain people not hijack my thread and it was met with scathing criticism.  I can find plenty of obnoxious people to fight with in person if I chose that route.

What I've noticed, after being gone from the board is the same thing I saw when I left.  People had high hopes that things had changed and I was skeptical.  Now I see the same defensiveness and meanness is back along with the big god defense.

I COME HERE FOR SUPPORT AND ENCOURAGEMENT.  Although a HUGE majority here are tremendously supportive, the turmoil (again my opinion) that is created by one in particualr is draining and soul-wounding for me.

So my intention is not to be rude.  It just seems like the meanest kid with the most stamina and the biggest sledge hammer is dominating the threads.

Movinon

[reallyME]

It has occurred to me that I might be expecting healthy behavior from some individuals who may not have reached a place of healthiness yet.  If so, I'm apologizing. 

Blessya'll

~Laura