Work... On Our Minds Lately

[gratitude28]

OK..myMY work situation is actually a good one right now... my reaction to it is messed up... as are my reactions to so many things. Also, alothough I am putting my stuff on here, I hoped that this thread could coalesce all of our work junk and let us look at it!!!!

I am getting turned into a full-time employee soon. I have worked for my company for a year and a half and I have done tons to improve the office, I am efficient, I am pleasant, I am responsible... I am the person I would hire if I were hiring someone...

I have been part time up until now... although "part time meant working straight from 0830 - 1400 with no lunch break. I stay in the office for 5 and a half or six hours each day. So, if I were full time, they'd have to pay an hour for lunch, plus I come in early some days, yada yada

So, basically, I am getting the benes of being full time without changing my hours. Deserved ? YES! They probably should have done it a while back.

I am grateful, but I feel guilty and undeserving. I have never received a package like this before. My mother already insinuated that the "boss likes me." That's hogwash... he likes having his office covered and in great order and having people say pleasant things about the office all the time.  But I feel like I am cheating somehow. I feel like I need to do something for someone else. I always get this way... no one can do something good for me - even if it is deserved. If they do, I have to do something BETTER for someone else. Not to be noticed, but maybe to take away some of the guilt. Do any of you relate to this?????

Thanks and I look forward to hearing your stories/gripes/anecdotes...

Love, Beth

[Gaining Strength]

This is one of the issues connected with surviving an N parent:

Feeling F.O.G. -fear-obligation-guilt as a continuous state

This makes perfect sense to me.  Obligation - N supply.  We were born owing the N and everyone else.

[Plucky]

Hi Beth,
I totally relate.  It is so hard for me to think I deserve anything good, or even anything I need.  As long as I could 'survive' on less, I feel I ought to. 
The only thing that kind if worked for me was learning business and beginning to think of it as a game.  Are you able to be competitive in games?  If so, think of it all as a game.  No one gets what they deserve.  They all get what they can get.  So, try to get the most you can. Rake in that Monopoly money!
If that doesn't work, or even if it does, how about looking at what others have in comparison?  You must have an idea of what the others at your office are making, compared to their value added, or look on the web for comparable salaries.  Your package is not out of the ordinary, I can guarantee you that (no, not with your mother theresa attitude)!
Most of all, refrain from saying or doing or even thinking that you do not deserve it.  Do not sabotage yourself!
Plucky

[gratitude28]

Do you work, GS???? I forget if you said so.

I love working. I always have. I like being around people and organizing. I like the pride associated with it.

My mother thinks working is only for men and for women in a few cases (like my sis, since she is a doctor). My mother is a nurse, a good one when she does work, but to her it's just for money. You know, you'd think a nurse would have some feelings towards her patients, but I don't remember my mother EVER liking or really caring about a patient. I know they have to be detached... but... My girlfriend has been updating me on her own mother's progress at the hospital. She said the nurses love her so much and helped her so much and cared about her. Don't you think you'd run across someone like that who would make you really have feelings for your job??????

[Gaining Strength]

No. Not right now.  But I am putting together a small business that I have been working on for a while.  I hate not working - not only because I need te income but I love the structure and the drive and fulfillment of work as well as the interactions with people in the work world. - GS

[gratitude28]

Hey Plucky,
I AM the office. I run the whole shebang with only my boss who takes care of the truly big decisions and deals with the parent company.
Honestly, I more than deserve this. And you are SO RIGHT. How many people are in jobs that hey don't even deserve???? My husband and I are cut out of the same mold in that regard... we both end up taking on a ton of work... so much so that others find their loads lightened. Sometimes with him they take advantage of it.
I also have a MAster's Degree, years of experience... OK, I am a goddess. No, but really, you are right. I need to accept this as my due.

GS, What kind of business?????

[Plucky]

Gratitude, YES!   Thank you!  You go girl!  I mean goddess!  That's right!  They ought to be on their knees thanking you for accepting their measly little package!
Thanks for that adrenalin shot.  Now let's go over to Hoppy's and give her a hit.
Plucky

[Hopalong]

 

sounds illegal, but I'll take it!

Hops

[Portia]

Hi Beth

For validation maybe, try “Impostor Syndrome” in Google. Lots of us feel it and we pretend, we act ‘as if’ and eventually we might (justifiably) believe our own acheivements!

"Individuals experiencing this syndrome seem unable to internalize their accomplishments. Regardless of what level of success they may have achieved in their chosen field of work or study, or what external proof they may have of their competence, they remain convinced internally that they do not deserve the success they have achieved and are really frauds. Proofs of success are dismissed as luck, timing, or otherwise having deceived others into thinking they were more intelligent and competent than they believe themselves to be. This syndrome is thought to be particularly common among women, particularly women who are successful in careers typically associated with men, and among academics."

[Lily_]

Bells went off when you mentioned impostor syndrome - I'd never heard of it before.

My Ndad has always said about my career, "You're very lucky to be working in your field..."  "There people who have more education and talent than you but don't have your luck..." "You have to keep up, otherwise you'll get found out..."  "You have to be careful and not push too hard, you're working in a man's world..."

And until recently I believed him - that I was "lucky" and didn't deserve what I had.

But finally I can say - nope, I'm not just lucky.  I am talented, creative and smart.   

My mantra:  "There's no such thing as luck.  Luck occurs when opportunity meets preparedness."

[gratitude28]

My mother said, "I'm sure you deserve the position, even if you are not increasing your hours."

That comes across to me that I don't somehow... Before, of course, her input was that my boss "likes me."
I know we've hashed this out before... I won't drage you through it again.

The point is... this is one of my "tapes." And I think it is the reason I feel the "imposter syndrome." When you get told your whole life that you do well because "it's easy for you" or "you just do things you don't have to work at," you feel like all your successes are 'given to you.'

I always show my kids how they improve through their hard work at something, and I love to see how prideful they are in what they accomplish. I have never felt accomplishment without seeing something wrong in it.

Love, Beth