Why am I always confused?

[Ami]

Dear Lupita,
  You will heal as you keep facing the truth about how you feel inside. Also,as you face the truth about your mother,you will let the grief and pain out as a result of this relationship.
  Under it all is a beautiful person----YOU. She has just been buried under 'garbage". You are lying down under piles of lies about yourself.
  All your self hatred is lies. You had to take them on in order to survive living with your mother.
   It was a life and death matter for you to"hate" yourself  so you could "agree' with your mother . You needed to "agree" with her so you would not lose your mind or even your life( at her hands).
   Your only way out is to keep separating the lies from the truth.
    You can see that I am a valuable person--- Can't you? Well,it is easy to see it for someone else,but hard to see it for ourselves.
   Keep posting your feelings. Gradually,you will reclaim your stolen identity.               Love   Ami
(((((((((((((((((((((((Lupita))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[lighter]

I hope church goes well again, today.

On the indifference and being appreciated when you act that way.....

there's a power struggle and balance in every relationship.

The one who cares less...... has the power.

I hate game playing but lets face it..... life's full of them.

Best to be aware of them, and not take them personally...... even if you don't play them.

Lots of people had messed up childhoods.

People in book clubs, people at church, people at dance class..... standing in the grocery line you never know what those around you are struggling with. 

And I doubt they have any clue as to what struggles you wrestle with: /

Maybe that's why they're so unkind and manipulative. 

They just have no clue...... they're trying to feel better too.

You're a good person Lupita. 

Rise above..... observe from afar.

Don't let all the bad in...... ask yourself what happened to person A or B that makes them behave that way and be grateful you aren't like them.

Do things daily to build yourself up, even if you don't feel like it.

One good feeling leads to another and soon.... you'll be happy to be alive again.

Joy will land for you and you'll appreciate it soooo much for all these struggles. 

Eb and flow..... happiness will come again. Believe that. 

[Gaining Strength]

Lupita - did something happen at the book club beside P? 

I have a suggestion - it is a practise that takes time to learn.  When you go to something like the Sunday School party and your bos is there, I encourage you to speak to him/her politely but then focus on the people you love being with and develope a capacity to completely forget that your boss is there.  The same thing can be done about "P".  You definitely don't want to give P rides anymore since P is deceptive.

I encourage you to concentrate, focus on those people you enjoy and begin to learn how to take your focus off those who cause you pain.  I know it is not easy but it is a very helpful practise.