I guess healing..... emotional, in particular....
is about learning to deal with ourselves when we have low dark moments.
When we're physically down.... emotionally burdened, overwhelmed for any number of reasons.... flailing, in or near despair....
we learn to STOP... Consider and think.... be mindful if we can. We choose not to engage in self defeating behaviors.... we choose wisely even if we have to rely on decisions we made during moments of clarity bc we can't think clearly in the moment. I guess Hops would say we can choose to do nothing too.... just sit with the despair or pain or whatever's chasing us for a spell, and listen to it.
That's at least choosing not to do damage, run around like chickens with our heads cut off, seek outside succor and validation from outside sources that can't really deliver anything more than superficial releif. True releif comes from just dealing with it ourselves.
Low moments come for everyone, I should think.
But for those who used to dwell there, dwell there the majority of their days..... it's a harder spell to break?
It really is 2 steps forward, 1 step back.
Every time we pull outselves out...... it may or may not seem easier.... but it does get more familiar.
We learn that we will move through it....... we trust that we'll feel better eventually.... fewer doubts are invited... entertained.
The dark moments pass and I guess that frees us to embrace other things...... once we've stopped worrying we'll never break free.... then we have more of ourselves available to findsomething outside ourselves.... outside what's been causing us so much pain.
And so the healing goes.
The thing is.... it's never going to be easy, comfortable, without pain or dread..... that's part of the process. It's not a crisis..... it's learning to deal with ourselves.
I'm back to picturing the monkey jumping about from branch to branch.... without thought as to where it will go next.
Our thoughts can be that undisciplined monkey...... or something else.
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Learn that we can do without..... long enough..... dependant on only ourselves..... so we may choose more wisely who and what to invite into our lives.
Learn that what we have to become diligent in discerning motives and actions.... discerning when someone is truly too good to be true.
Forgive ourselves when we make mistakes and learn learn learn...... set our caps on making new mistakes.... different mistakes.
Breath and remember our time here is limited..... what shall we do with it? How shall we spend it? Look around us... there are pleasures everywhere.... waiting to be enjoyed. Small ones.... larger ones.
Learn to enforce our boundaries, (ithout experiencing turmoil or worrying that we're giving up something greater than ourselves, if we have to let someone or something, that made us feel good go.... in order to preserve that boundary.)
How strong would we have to be to say NO to something that promises us warmth and belonging?
Izzy.... how hard would it have been to turn that nice caring N away..... when he was making you feel loved and accepted just as you were? Such a potent enticement...... belonging just as we are.... how can anyone arm themselves against those who claim these things for us?
I guess the key isn't to arm ourselves..... it's to ENFORCE BOUNDARIES and call it like we see it.... then pay attention.
No hesitation on calling a foul, throwing a red flag or speaking our minds. No doubting perceptions. No honoring someone else over ourselves.
When someone promises to honor us over themselves..... time to sit up and really pay attention. I think they're almost always asking us to honor them over ourselves..... just leading us there with ease. I don't even think they need false actions.... though I assume they could produce those if we needed that false reassurance to throw ourselves away.
Which leads me to the next truth.....
Learn to speak gently to ourselves...... ask ourselves how we're feeling, if we're hungry, what should we be doing right now......
gently, like we're speaking to a child.
Then listen to the answer and honor it.
Squash the voices that aren't kind...
the ones in our heads..... they don't know. They're frightened children, after all.... not adults.... not parents in charge.
We're in charge. Giving that responsibility away.... to someone who seems comfortable with it.... is always a mistake, IME.
It seems like a welcomed comfortable position to be in at first..... when the words are so nice and the promises so perfectly appropriate.... too perfect.
Sharing power and responsibility is one thing.
For people who have been taught to doubt themselves and thoughts.....
it's not comfortable to trust ourselves...
seems easier to trust something or someone else, be it people, religioun..... ideals...... anything outside ourselves really.
So we try it.
And we learn that there really isn't a better way.
Trusting ourselves and living with our own mistakes is easier,
preferable....
BETTER than living under the control of people who don't have any regard for our wellbeing.
But I guess you have to live under the control to know that.
Suffer under the control.
Find yourself between a rock and a hard spot, so to speak......
where the pain of making changes is finally....
finally less painful.....
than the pain of remaining the same.
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::sigh::
