Narcissists and codependency (drugs, sex, praise, etc.)?

[Anastasia]

After reading many messages from my friends here on the board, I noticed that so many references were made to codependent crutches and the Narcissist:  pills, praise/attention, sex, etc.  How common is this for your Nmother or other narcissists in your life to have codependent crutches?
My Nmother always popped tons of pills, and seems to have slowed down alot now that she is 84.  But, I remember, she always took lots (I mean like 10-30 pill bottles) of downers to "cope" with this so-called wonderful life my stepfather was giving us (okay, okay...so she had to ignore the fact he was a sex addict and was probably not there where he was supposed to be alot, and he was leering at her daughter--me--and that he criticized her every night when he came in as his defense mechanism so she wouldn't question him and so forth...but it was this "wonderful" childhood she kept telling me I was getting:  crazy?  Totally!).
What has been the experience of the rest of my friends here?  Similar, I will bet.

[Anonymous]

My mother was and is addicted to marijuana.  My step-father used to run around getting it for her just so he could have some peace once in awhile.  When he refused to do that anymore, she used to have me mail it to her - which of course is a federal felony.  I finally stopped doing this when my fear of being caught overwhelmed my wish to be helpful and obedient to her.  Recently I said something to her about this and she claimed she did not remember me mailing her pot or her asking me to.  Some would say it's the pot affecting her memory, but I say it's her refusal to allow anything into her brain which suggests she is or was not a good parent.

I think she also may be addicted to sex/"love" in that she ALWAYS has to have a man around and brought home lots of one night stands before she got remarried.  She likes to talk about sex too.  Last time I saw her she told me and my husband that she was going out with a guy for awhile who wanted her to do "golden showers" on him with her panties on (in case you don't know, that means peeing on him) so she did.  My therapist said this is an example of where I need to set boundaries by saying something like, "Mom, that is too much information - please don't talk to me about that stuff."

[catlover]

Anastasia,
That last post was from me.... Seems like you and I have a lot in common, including a strong need to vent about this stuff and know that others have been through it!
Gwyn

[Anastasia]

I am attempting to understand the crazymaking behavior of my Nmother.  I do understand that anything said or done to me by her was strictly for her benefit totally.  Yes, she is no mother.  No, I do not believe her crap anymore.
I've gone thru the years of rage and hurt, and am now somewhat looking at her with pity for what a total loser she really is.
And, yes, working this board and seeing I am not alone is of such comfort.  
You understand that most of us have received that ole dysfunctional message of "don't feel, don't talk and don't tell?"  Well, those were the words my Nmother practically said at various times, and, I am sure, I am not the unusual either here.
Normally, I would not be so overt in my messages as I have been on this board.  But, I am hoping, that by being so open in my own story that others will, too.
We are all, hopefully, here to learn and to grow.

Good mental health in 2004 to us all!!!!

[Alan]

Addictions are usually based on the shaming that happened in early childhood. It's standard issue.  

My x was an alcoholic.  Since the only kind of alky's I knew were people who drank too much on the weekends, it took me a year and a half to figure out that alcoholism has different faces.

[CC]

My Nmother is a "recovering" but falling off the wagon many times alchoholic... worse in the last 15 years since my father died.  In a few conversations in my adult life when I have asked her what the appeal was (an ACOA trying to understand her addiction)  she told me that she uses alchohol because she considers herself an artist and an intellect and needs to unwind (from what, her genius thought processes???)  That she has a hard time relating to the norm...PUULLLEEEEZ.. A perfect example of grandiosity.  She is the kind that binges, drinks completely alone and hides it from everyone.. a jekyll/hyde type -  engages in taboo activity with someone she hardly knows (one night stands, etc.) and has admitted that this is the only time she can "be herself" without regard to what others might think of her.   A very interesting thing, isn't it.

[Discounted Girl]

My NQueenmother was addicted to valium and some other drug I cannot remember. She would call me up in the middle of the night to rush out there -- she was going to kill herself (while my Dad was at work). I would get a babysitter, drive in the ice and snow out to her house to find her with a gun laying on the floor and telling me about the lady with the veil. Total nut case. Then, I would say, get up mother and let's talk. Then, boy, she would let me have it -- hollering and screaming at me. She just needed an audience, it didn't matter that it was 2 am and below zero temp and I had to go to work the next morning. This went on for years, her bullying and using. My Dad also got hooked on something, I think it was also valium. They had this quack doctor who would give them anything they wanted. They had excellent insurance -- she used the hospital like a hotel. While they didn't drink, they were both pill poppers in their middle-age years. What is so ironic is that I never took drugs and neither did my children, at least I never found out about it. It was my parents who were the druggies. So are my brother's children, but no one is supposed to mention that.

[Portia]

Post 6

[rosencrantz]

http://www.toad.net/~arcturus/dd/narc.htm - all about the addicted narcissist.  

I found it a very useful description of NPD.
R

[Portia]

Post 7

[Portia]

edited