i need to ask...............about emotions........

[darky]

one problem i have that i cannot figure out and i wondered if anyone else is the same?

basicaly, its kind of hard to explain, but obviously since i had children im involved in doing lots of kiddie things. every year i take my children to see father xmas arrive in town. i see all the children getting excited and the atmosphere of it all just overwhelms me and i end up in tears. trouble is i dont know if its happy tears or sad tears.     there are other situations i get emotional too. sometimes it could be watching a film. for eg i bought my kids nanny mcphee and theres one bit in there that makes me cry. its where the children are in the kitchen acting out and nanny mcphee asks them to stop nicely and they carry on. nanny mcphee gives them a look and bangs her stick and makes the children do what they are doing faster and they cant stop. eventualy the children want to comply and beg her to make them stop. theres one little boy who wont give in until the last min and its the look of anger, resentment that makes me cry, and again i dont know why!!
there is one other bit in the film where nanny mcphee looks at the baby and calmly says "goodnight agatha" and the baby gives a confirming, trusting look to nanny mcphee and calms to her words, im in tears again.

listening to christmas carols or songs, makes me cry. when i go on holiday, i always go to the place we used to go to when we were kids, as soon as i turn up, look at the place, smell the polish on the floor im in tears. again, i dont know if its tears of joy or sadness, its so hard to explain!

why do you think this could be? does anyone else do the same?? its confusing and frustrating because i really dont know why i do this and i really dont know if im happy or sad!

[Healing&Hopeful]

Hi Darky

What if it’s because you are happy and sad?

theres one little boy who wont give in until the last min and its the look of anger, resentment that makes me cry, and again i dont know why!!
Here you know why you cry, because of the anger and resentment on the little boy’s face.  Is there anything that you can think of in your past that may trigger this?

there is one other bit in the film where nanny mcphee looks at the baby and calmly says "goodnight agatha" and the baby gives a confirming, trusting look to nanny mcphee and calms to her words, im in tears again
Here again, I got the impression that you knew why you cry, because of the confirming, trusting look to the nanny.  So again, can you think of anything in your past?  Was there someone who you trusted and who calmed you, or is it because there wasn’t anyone like that?

The holidays, visiting somewhere you visited as a child can bring mixed emotions of happy or sad times.  What do you remember from your holiday in the past?  Is it good, i.e. going to the beach, spending time with parents, or is it bad, getting told off, not really enjoying yourself?

Sorry Darky, I’ve not really answered any of your questions, just given you more to think about, but maybe it will help.

Take care

H&H xx

[Brigid]

darky,
You most certainly are not alone in finding yourself emotional in certain situations.  I can start crying at certain commercials, a certain scene in a movie (cried quite a lot recently when I saw "The Family Stone"), when my children do or say something to me, when the bf does or says something to or for me.  I, too, get very emotional during the Christmas holidays and I never know when something will get me going.  Whether they are happy or sad or melancholy tears depends on the memories which are invoked by the situation.  But some of those memories can be buried in the sub-conscious and we can't know where the emotion comes from.

I don't think we can consciously control these things, nor should we have to apologize or spend time analyzing where it comes from unless it is having a negative impact on your life.  I KNOW that I CANNOT watch or hear stories about animal abuse or neglect.  It upsets me to no end and it takes days for me to get over it.  I watched "Black Beauty" with my kids years ago and literally sobbed through the entire movie.  I did force myself to watch the whole thing so I could get to the happy ending, but would never, ever watch it again.  However, as sad as the abuse and neglect of children makes me, I can hear the stories and process them without the same degree of emotion.  I do not know why this is, but it is in my make-up and I know what I can watch or hear and what I have to avoid.

I think that being able to feel things and express emotion is a very positive trait and one to be proud of.  I think when we have been damaged as children and have a sensitive nature to begin with, we will always be touched emotionally by certain circumstances.  I do not think you have a problem.

Hugs,

Brigid

[Portia]

Hiya Darky,

Maybe it’s sadness / grief for:

Good things you didn’t experience (a loving mother when you were a baby)

Bad things you did experience (anger, resentment).

When I cry I’m usually crying for myself, a self that still wants to be loved like that but knows it can’t happen with another person, not exactly like it does with loving mothers.

It’s a sadness we carry, I guess it gets lighter the more we love and value ourselves, but it’s still a valid thing to grieve. Nobody can make it better, but you’re not alone with these feelings (((((Darky)))) and the more you allow yourself to feel, the lighter the feelings will get I think.

Please make sure you're not attaching any nasty toxic shame to the feelings! Feelings are all okay and make us human

[Moira]

hi Darky! Great questions! I'm not sure what I'm feeling or why half the time! Also can't predict what will make me cry or when! Some things predictable- like your examples of triggers of past experiences, old wounds, familiar places etc. I grew up with Nmother, abuse etc and am a recovering addict. i learned very early on that my feelings were never going to be validated let alone anything else. I hated every emotion I felt- incl. happiness- always waiting for the other shoe to drop and never sure if what I was feeling was based in reality( other than mine!). Am learning to acknowledge feelings, not spend too much time analyzing where they come from or what they mean etc. Just learning to " feel" them is overwhelming at times! I'm also finding that starting to talk about them and ask questions from others, lessens th the old secrecy of hiding and denying them and those old, less thanhealthy patterns start to lose their power! Keep feeling and seeking validation! you are starting to heal! Hugs, Moira

[darky]

yes, i am really trying to understand my feelings and go with them. i agree its all part of healing. its just kind of confusing, say, if i went to a funeral, i would be sad and i know why i was sad, equaly say birth of a child or a wedding for eg, it would make me cry tears of joy but i would know i was happy and why. but this is different, i dont feel sad or happy "just emotional" and i dont know what that is and im kind of intimidated by it! there is definatly something inside of me that triggers this emotion and i wish i knew what it was. its not like i can conciously think, it wasnt like that for me and i wish it was, or im sad because it reminds me of my past, because i just dont know. i just get overwhelmed and off i go.
its great to feel open on here and people understand and can relate, ive really needed that. i could go to a therapist, but they would only be able to help me from a text book point of view. this site, with others who experience the same things, is really helping me to open up and understand, its like feeling safe and secure with like minded people. i havnt felt like that for a long time, if ever.

[roaring dad]

I cry all the time.  Not in a pathetic way.  I am an emotional person.  My eyes well up at the simplest things.  For instance just recently, I was watching Peter Pan with my daughter (not the panty waist, mamby pamby Disney version but the scary true to the book live action version) and when all the kids start saying "I believe in fairies, I do, I do", I teared up.  I don't feel embarassed or ashamed about that.  I don't feel like I'm less manly.

I think that is because I was raised being told that it is alright to cry. I don't feel like emotions, good or bad, are something to hide or stuff down.  It is not a sign of weakness to cry.

[Brigid]

I was giving this whole notion more thought today and IMO, situations which make us emotional are probably just as much out of our control as those situations or things which frighten us, turn us on, make us angry, or make us laugh.  It may or may not have to do with our childhood or experiences we have had.  I am dreadfully afraid of mice--I am an animal lover to the nth degree, but become crazed if a tiny little vole or mouse is chased through the house by one of my cats.  I have no explanation for this and in fact it's pretty silly, but out of my control.  On the other hand, I could pick up a boa constrictor and have it wrap around my arm and not be frightened in the least.  Something which could make another person faint dead away.  My daughter has always been afraid of clowns and to my knowledge has never had a bad experience with one.

I think these are the things which make us individuals and unique from one another.  I had a friend who cried start to finish when she saw "Les Miserables."  I was prepared to be very sad, but never had any thoughts of crying ever when I saw it.  I walk out of many movies with tissue in hand and others are laughing.  You can't stop an emotional moment when it arises (or at least I can't).  We can attempt to hold back the tears and maybe think about something else--but if it touches us, it touches us, and it is useless to try to change that.

I do think this is an interesting topic and I'm sure good fodder for the shrinks.  Darky, I'm glad that talking about it here has helped you.

Brigid

[Hopalong]

What kindness, Brigid.
You inspire a lot of trust in me.

(Those smart boas know safety when they see it.)
 
Hops

[Portia]

Hiya Darky
its not like i can conciously think, it wasnt like that for me and i wish it was, or im sad because it reminds me of my past, because i just dont know. i just get overwhelmed and off i go.

But not so overwhelmed you can’t accept it and think it’s okay? Feeling the feelings is part of it all. I agree with so much said above. Just having feelings can be amazing when you’ve repressed them for so long. Keep feeling.

with others who experience the same things, is really helping me to open up and understand, its like feeling safe and secure with like minded people. i havnt felt like that for a long time, if ever.
Just wanted to say this is wonderful  and me too! (((((Darky)))))

I last cried last weekend. Was told something that had happened to someone in my family, an example of a child not being heard or listened to, and I got a stomach cramp and cried. For the child and for myself I guess?

[2224Jessica]

Hi Darky,
I get teary and overwhelmed at times too and it feels good. I feel alive. I think each of us is unique and we all get touched in different ways. I am really sentimental and I really feel for people and I get teary over reading sentimental poems in cards at the newsagence. I also get teary watching a movie or even a reality tv show. I don't know if its about whether we are happy or sad I think maybe it's about being intune with our innerself and allowing ourselves to feel things that move and affect us. My hubby gets moved by artwork and music but will ask me why am I crying over a movie and he didn't feel anything. I think some people especially alot of us being abused or suffering hardship knows the dark side of life, I think we are finely attuned to the subtleties in life that touches our soul. It's a good thing.
Jessica

[Hopalong]

I remember something scientific about stress hormones being released from the body in tears.
Maybe that's one way to look at them...each one a tiny gift of release.

Or not scientifically, tears seem to me to be liquid language.

Hops