latest about NH

[reallyME]

I guess I just needed a place to vent tonight since now my stomach is upset due to someone wanting to harass me out of a sound sleep.

I will tell of two situations:

Last night, I thought H and I were going to have a nice, intimate evening, but (not meaning to sound crass here), he decided to use this "tingling gel" during our time together.  As soon as I felt it inside me, I began having the worst burning sensation of my life!  My insides began feeling like someone took a hot poker and was holding in me.  I began saying "ow ow ow OW OWOWWWWWWWWWWW!"  I got up, headed to the bathroom to seek out some cool water to hopefully stop the burning.  As I did this, I was met with comments such as, "oh come ON!  It doesn't hurt THAT bad!  It's SUPPOSED TO BE WARM! IT'S SUPPOSED TO TINGLE!"  In between I was trying to reason that "it's not tingling! THIS HURTS!"  Again, H kept saying "it's supposed to be warm!  That's how it's supposed to work!"  As I climbed back into bed, hoping we could continue our time together, he just threw the blankets around himself, pouting and saying "ferGET it!  You're not no fun anymore!"  I stood there trying to tell him that it was the GEL I was upset with, not HIM.  He kept saying "no, no.  Just never mind.  FerGET it!" 

Tonight, I was soundly sleeping and I hear him mumble something.  Very pleasantly I inquired, "what did you say honey?"  He said, "NOTHIN!" (mean sounding).  I said again, "No, WHAT DID YOU SAY?"  He said "I just said, you can't even put a pillow case on my pillow!"  I replied, "um, I have your pillow here."  He said, "that's not my pillow, my pillow has the...oh, I guess that IS my pillow.  I guess you DID put a case on it."  I said, "I'll take my apology now, thanks."  Of course he said nothing.  I said, "is that what it was like growing up in your home?  People constantly finding SOMETHING to pick on you for?"  He said, 'can you do ANYTHING without having to ANALYZE all the time?" 

And thus, I am now here, typing, having written both incidents down to share at marriage counseling when we finally do get an appt, which I plan to request today while I'm at my individual one.

this crap is gettin real old real fast i'll tell ya!

~Laura

[Ami]

Dear Laura,
  I am so sorry.The emotional part sounds much worse that the physical.It is so sad when you are hurting and s/one is angry or dismissive.
 .A 'little " situation like that reflects larger issues of pain in marriage.
  I understand . marriage really hurts--very often  .                          Love   Ami

((((((((((((((((((((Laura))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[gratitude28]

Oh, Laura...
You didn't deserve that. I think it was really nice of you to try something new. He should have been appreciative - and it could have even been a funny, sharing moment between you two. I think you handled it all very well. I can imagine it is getting tiring, and I think you are great for trying to work on your problems.
((((Laura)))))))
Love, Beth

[lighter]

Well..... I'm sorry he felt so bad that he couldn't empathize with you or your pain.

It sounds like he's a bit mortified by what happened?

Or that he's just so darned selfish and piggy he has no care at all for your comfort or feelings?

Does he care so much for his pleasure that he'd have you suffer and keep your trap shut, just so he can feel good?

I'm having a hard time understanding why he isn't having an appropirate reaction to what seemed to be an allergic reaction.

It makes no sense at all..... is he that insecure or insensitive or....... why do you think he behaved that way?

[DivineSunshine]

So.......did he try any on HIM???  If not, maybe he should, I will bet if there is any reaction to it at all ----HE will have an awful time!  Might be kinda interesting.  Payback?

Whoops-----Just thinking evil out loud.

I have been through the same kinds of things.  The middle of the night mumbling.  All day grumbling....Being used for his gratification regardless of what I think or feel about it. 

Sorry that happened to you...glad you stood up for yourself though.  Keep it up!

hugs,

Sunny

[reallyME]

lighter: I'm having a hard time understanding why he isn't having an appropirate reaction to what seemed to be an allergic reaction.

It makes no sense at all..... is he that insecure or insensitive or....... why do you think he behaved that way?

I don't want to sound like I'm mocking or belittling you, Lighter, but it always makes me giggle when someone says something like the above about a narcissist.  Maybe you didn't know my husband was one though, so that would account for your statement and question.

N's don't give a rip about your allergies.  N's are insecure and insensitive.  Why do I think he behaved that way?  I don't think..I know...because my husband has narcissistic, avoidant, ocd tendencies.  Makes total sense to me.

I"m just glad we have a counseling appt coming up soon.

~Laura