I think your h sees you as all good or all bad when he sees you.
He also probably says whatever is self serving in the moment to throw you off, make excuses for his behaivior or get you off his back when pressing him for information that makes sense.
Nothing he says or does makes sense for any length of time, and that takes some getting used to.
Most people are driven to make sense of things.
He never will.
I guess you'll eventually get to a place where you accept and make peace with the fact that your h has a disordered mind and won't ever ever ever make sense.
If he does, it's in your mind.
If you hold out hope, it's your strength you depend on to carry the relationship farther.
It's not a relationship when one person keeps tearing everything apart, over and over and over again and telling you that's not what's happening, thought it clearly is.
He makes you doubt your perception, you get confused, you want the promises and nice things he says to come true.
They'll always be plagued with the negatives, the pain, the withdrawl, accusations and finger pointing blame he can't accept as his own.
Peace won't ever be a part of that relationship.... and if it did.... would you still want it?
Maybe you would, I don't know.
You deserve better and I think you know it.
I see where you understand healthier withdrawl from your Grandaughter but you have a harder time with the confusion your H creates.
Stop being confused. Believe him when he shows you who he is. Don't let him keep destroying your equilibrium over and over and over again. Whatever you have to do, take all the control you give him.....
back.
For yourself.
It's yours, you know?
You gave it to him and he's not worthy.
I think he's broken and he can't do any better, or he would.